US authorities have asked the authors of two controversial bird flu studies to redact key details after a government advisory panel suggested the data could be used by terrorists.

The papers show how a bird flu variant can pass easily between ferrets.

Holy shit, the terrorists may learn that bird flu can be used against ferrets! Not ferrets! We love those mischievous cute little critters! Quick demand the report be censored!

Let’s look at this under a more serious light. The United States government must believe Al Qaeda has a team of crack biologists who specialized in virology. That’s the only possible way that they could be in the least bit worried about this information spreading. Were I to read the report my brain would probably collapse in on itself due to complete stupidity regarding viruses. You can just read a research paper and gain a complete understanding of the material unless you also have the requisite prior knowledge on which the paper is based. Does the United States government believe real life is like Fallout where you can pick up a book, use it, and gain an instant +2% to a related stat? If Al Qaeda, the Taliban, or any other such entity had leading virologists I would think we’d have been attacked by some kind of super plague by now. Unfortunately for Al Qaeda and fortunately for us extremely intelligent researchers usually aren’t violent psychopaths.

You can just ignore everything I’ve said though because the government has a solution:

Editors at the journals Science and Nature say they will not agree to the redactions until they are assured the data will be accessible to researchers.

A spokesman for US health authorities said such a system was being prepared.

I’m sure anybody who passes a government background check, meets the government mandated qualifications to be a researcher, and pays an exorbitant licensing fee will have access to this new database system. On the other hand top level researchers in other countries (especially terrorist countries like not American) can just go fuck themselves along with the amateurs. We can completely ignore the fact that some of the world’s greatest scientific breakthroughs were done by amateur researchers who would likely not meed the government’s requirement of the title.

What this censorship will do is make finding a cure or vaccine much more difficult because only those blessed by the divinity of government will be allowed to participate in such research. In other words the potential number of researchers trying to find a cure or create a vaccine will be greatly reduced.

That’s right: Al-Qaida wants to surgically implant bombs into people. Or so the government claims.

Not that there’s an imminent threat, says the Department of Homeland Security. Or a surgery bomb plot that’s been foiled at the last stitch. No, this was just an “aspirational” terror plan – one that the government is now ever-so-conveniently leaking.

[...]

Supposedly, this fantastical story is based on “new intelligence,” Reuters reports. And we’ve been told by people in position to see such information — who wouldn’t talk on the record — that this is more than just a page from the last Batman script.

What was the source of this “new intelligence?” Bruce Schneier explains:

Actually, not really. This is an “aspirational” terrorist threat, which basically means that someone mentioned it while drunk in a bar somewhere.

What’s next? Perhaps DHS can pilfer the Moonraker script for their next round of fear mongering, then they could have Al Qaeda in space!

TEENS listening to head-banging heavy metal music are at risk of depression and suicide, a study reveals.

The Melbourne University paper says early intervention at schools is necessary before behavioural problems start.

Dr Katrina McFerran’s study spanned five years and found heavy metal music led to mental illness in some teens aged between 13 and 18.

“Most young people listen to a range of music in positive ways; to block out crowds, to lift their mood or to give them energy when exercising, but young people at risk of depression are more likely to be listening to music, particularly heavy metal music, in a negative way,” she said.

Either I’m the biggest fucking scientific anomaly on Earth or these studies are complete and utter bullshit.

Apparently this 1W green laser is going to blind every astronaut and destroy every satellite. You know what other source of light exists that is actually far brighter than any laser? The damned sun! If satellites and astronauts aren’t being blinded by that giant fucking fusion reactor our humble little planet hurtles itself around once a year this little 1W laser isn’t going to do any damage to them either. A laser having to punch through an atmosphere isn’t going to be even remotely dangerous compared to the light given off by the sun traveling through vacuum.

The truth of the matter is that lasers of any notable power are much like firearms, dangerous if used improperly but a lot of fun and perfectly safe when used properly. Laser, like firearms, have safety rules that must be abided by and safety equipment that must be worn if you want everybody to remain safe.

Ultimately that means those wanting to partake in such hobbies must learn the rules involved. This is true with any hobby involving potentially dangerous equipment (firearms, lasers, wood working, racing, chemistry, horseback riding, etc.). Instead of expressing this fact the media decides that they must strike fear into the hearts of viewers, readers, and listeners by making shit up. This type of media fear mongering is what killed hobby chemistry sets, which used to be pretty awesome and included many chemicals that did potentially dangerous things (and thus were more fun for children wanting to learn chemistry). Similar fear mongering is what lead to innumerable laws being placed against firearms and ever continuing restrictions against shooting ranges (remember the lead from bullets will kill all the wildlife if we don’t shut those horrible ranges down).

Instead of drumming up unnecessary fear would you media outlets instead do something productive? For instance you could write a story warning about the dangers of a specific hobby and explain safety precautions that should be taken by participants. What am I thinking? Logic and help from the media? Next I’ll be asking for unicorns that fart rainbows and sunshine.

The US Department of Homeland Security is warning of a “credible threat” [...]

Yeah the threat is called the Department of Homeland Security and it’s directly attacking our liberties every day. At least that’s what I’m assuming the warning is over because those in government aren’t saying:

Giving no specific details, a statement said: “It’s accurate that there is specific, credible but unconfirmed threat information.”

This warning isn’t credible as it’s the government issuing it. Unless we’re just supposed to trust the lying bastards that something may happen… perhaps… possibly. With how much lying they’ve done so far how are we supposed to take them seriously on anything, especially when they don’t provide any evidence.

The real terrorists are already here working in the government. Since the attacks on September 11^th, 2011 the civil rights Americans are supposed to enjoy have been eroded to a point of nonexistence. Everything you do that the government disapproves of is labeled terroristic activity and your name is tossed onto a secret list if you’re caught partaking in one of these unapproved activities (or if they just feel like tossing your name on because it’s a secret list and us serfs aren’t privy to information regarding how one gets placed on the list).

Instead of constantly trying to drum up fear it would be far more efficient if our government simply started a war with Eastasia and made every American participate in Two Minutes Hate on a daily basis.

The paper raised the prospect of more rapid, pent-up climate change when emerging economies eventually crack down on pollution.

World temperatures did not rise from 1998 to 2008, while manmade emissions of carbon dioxide from burning fossil fuel grew by nearly a third, various data show.

The researchers from Boston and Harvard Universities and Finland’s University of Turku said pollution, and specifically sulphur emissions, from coal-fueled growth in Asia was responsible for the cooling effect.

Can’t you people make up your minds? When I started school I remember hearing how the next ice age was imminent and it was implied the human race would be devastated. After a while the problem became acid rain which was going to eat us all alive in five years if we dared to step outside. Then it became global warming climate change global climate disruption. Now we’re going back to the threat of a new ice age again? Seriously can you prophets of doom and disaster please make up your fucking minds on what apocalyptic scenario we’re going to be facing during the end times?

How about this for a wake up call? We don’t understand our planet well enough to know what is and isn’t normal. This doesn’t apply only to weather but to every aspect of our planet’s ecosystem. On top of that anthropomorphizing these end of times scenarios speaks most to our overly inflated egos. We claim the human race is responsible for everything yet lack any solid scientific evidence that demonstrates most of these claims. I’m waiting for the day when research has demonstrated that there is a 99% chance that aliens exist because they are using a global heat increasing decreasing death ray to wipe us all out.

Before we start demanding the government use violence for force people to reduce specific types of pollutants maybe we should first ensure we have a proper understanding of what is going on.

Let me also bring up a final note before some asshole comments about how I’m not properly understanding the story and its implications. Much of my writing is semi-satirical and over-exaggerated on purpose. I realize many of the statements I make are over-simplifications but that’s not from my lack of understanding research papers and articles but because I’m trying to make a specific point. In this case that point is the science is still undecided when it comes to human involvement in climate yet people are asking governments to use violence to force people to reduce the output of specific chemicals.

This article has little to do with the topic of climate-whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-call-it itself. If you want that type of content read Borepatch as he often posts very good articles involving that topic. There I just saved you a ton of typing you were about to do because you felt somebody was wrong on the Internet. Feel free to post a thank you for reducing the amount you needed to type though.

Excuse me while I charge up my BFG-9000 and get ready to murder demons to the sweet sounds of death metal.

EDIT: 2011-05-20 12:54: I’ve been informed by my editor-in-chief Nicole that delusion was not the correct word. It has been corrected. I was also informed I such as using commas. That has not been corrected.

• Water (1 gallon per person per day)
• Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
• Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
• Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
• Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
• Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
• Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
• First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

How about a fucking gun? Zombies are serious business and all the first aid supplies in the world won’t do you a damned bit of good if you get bitten by the undead. I also love how they have a picture of family members meeting outside near a mailbox. You know where a better place to be in that situation is? Inside of the fucking brick house. Yes it has a glass door but it also has two stories meaning there is a choke point on the stairs where you could gun down the undead… you know if you had a gun. Oh, and this is fucking rich:

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).

Notice how they make no reference to bringing in the military or weapons to arm local militias? I’m sure that an investigation is going to make mom feel better when her daughter gets bitten and turn into a brain eating undead pile of decaying flesh. Once again the government has proven itself unable to spend tax dollars in a responsible nature. Following the advice in this writeup will likely get you turned into a rancid mass of human hunting death. If the government is going to steal money from me I at least ask that they come up with a proper zombie defense guide.

Fuck the government can’t do anything right.

It looks as though it would work well against zombies but I question it’s safety against man’s greatest threat, velociraptors. There are many large windows for a raptor to jump through and let’s be honest and admit no early warning will exist if you’re being hunted by one of these clever girls.

Where the Hell is that global warming Gore has been promising?