A Geek With Guns

This has to be the most impossible shooting I’ve read about in a while. Not only did it occur in Germany where gun control laws are about as strict as you can get without an outright ban, but it happened in an airport where guns are a big no-no as well.

I’m completely baffled at how such a thing could happen, it’s double-illegal to shoot somebody in a German airport!

Yo Dawg, I heard you liked security theater so we put security theater in your theater so you can watch while you watch.

It seems Broadway theaters think they’re pretty important targets of opportunity:

Additional steps are needed to prepare Broadway theaters in New York City for a potential WMD attack or other crisis, a New York state legislature subcommittee said yesterday (see GSN, Sept. 23, 2010).

I’m sure the terrorists are going to spend a lot of time and effort to smuggle a nuclear or biological weapon into a Broadway theater in an attempt to kill thousands of people. That makes so much sense considering all the weapons of mass destruction we’ve been finding terrorists with as of late… wait, that hasn’t happened.

Those guys over at NASA must not have gotten the latest global warming climate change global climate destruction memo. Some of the people employed at NASA have published a research paper that claims doubling the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere really has no noticeable affect on temperature.

I think somebody is getting fired over this.

How’s this for creepy shit? Walmart is sucking the cock of teaming up with the Department of Homeland Security to place video displays in stores with Janet Napolitanio telling people if they see something say something. That’s right when you go to your local Walmart you’ll soon be indoctrinated by Homeland Security propaganda advising you to do something that doesn’t actually help secure anything.

Being a troublemaker and an overall anti-authoritarian man I have a proposal. I think it’s time for a denial of service attack against this new Homeland Security measure. The concept is simple. To quote Bruce Schneier, “if you ask amateurs to act as front-line security personnel, you shouldn’t be surprised when you get amateur security.” If you try to get everyday Joes to report potential terrorism you’re going to get a ton of false positives. These false positives need to be investigated by the local police departments as a cover their ass measure. If the number of calls in areas where this Homeland Security bullshit is being implemented increases dramatically it’ll become an expensive failure.

Thus the proposal is simple, if your local Walmart (or any other store) implement these monitors start calling the police about every stupid little thing you see. Every person with a camera, speaking in a foreign language, looking nervous in any way, looking suspicious in anyways, tying their shoes funny, or wearing clothing that is of a color you don’t generally like gets reported to the police. Hell I’d say report yourself as well but the police won’t actually waste any effort investigating an obviously fake call (thus you want to keep your reports semi-believable but obviously amateur). Eventually the cost of investigating all these reports will grow high enough that the local police will want to videos removed.

I did find this last line interesting:

The program has already partnered with the Mall of America, the American Hotel & Lodging Association, Amtrak, the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority, sports and general aviation industries, and other organizations across the country, DHS said.

The Mall of America is right in my backyard (on the other end of the Twin Cities). I’ll have to actually go there sometime and see if these videos are playing and if they are start making some phone calls. Lord knows I’m still pissed that the Mall of America thinks they can ban firearms on the premises even though they are a landlord (who legally can’t ban in the state of Minnesota).

Here is an picture exemplifying what not to do with firearms:

One guy resting the gun against his “crotual area” (to use the TSA term) and another looking down the barrel. Yup this army is ready for action!

Jay over at MArooned found that scientists have discovered a new super mega plague that is going to kill use all! It’s swine flu all over again! Millions will die! HIDE THE CHILDREN! OH ODIN HAVE MERCY!

Seriously we’ve played this game all ready. The new bug is being labeled as NDM-1 and apparently “there are almost no drugs to treat it.” I’m putting money on there being a convenient vaccine released next month (after the bug has been hyped as black plague II) from a major pharmaceutical company.

You know what that dastardly global warming is doing now? It’s freezing South America! That rat bastard.

Hat tip to Dvorak Uncensored for this story.

In the realm of things that are bound to happen Robb Allen informs us that machines with sentience and the desire to murder humans is no longer reserved just for Skynet guns but now also includes vehicles:

“Spira is in the Progressive Insurance Automotive X Prize to educate the world that the #1 cause of deaths in 15 ‐ 25 year olds is from unsafe vehicles that slaughter people.”

Quick we need to enforce strict national vehicle control laws before more people die!

Shit we’re really fucked people. I just learned from Dvorak Uncensored that my own country not only renewed the PATROIT Act but apparently gave zombies fucking rights. From the story:

The U.S. Court of Appeals on Wednesday released a ruling in favor of a group of zombies who say they were wrongfully arrested while protesting consumerism during the 2006 Aquatennial. The ruling reanimates the group’s federal lawsuit against the city of Minneapolis and its police, seeking damages of at least $50,000 for each person arrested.

First I don’t know at what point zombies gained the ability to communicate and bring up lawsuits. Second I don’t know why the fuck the police of Minneapolis are arresting zombies instead of shooting them in the head on sight.

We’re so screwed. If we can’t rekill the undead they will overwhelm us all. Also apparently the police in Minneapolis lack the proper training to deal with the zombie apocalypse.

Thanks No Agenda for this story. OK it’s time to take a trip down to the asylum. Today we are visiting Venezuela where the local TV station ViVe TV is saying the earthquake in Haiti was caused by a super top secret United States weapon. Seriously you can’t even make this stuff up:

Citing an alleged report from Russia’s Northern Fleet, the Venezuelan strongman’s state mouthpiece ViVe TV shot out a press release saying the 7.0 magnitude Haiti quake was caused by a U.S. test of an experimental shockwave system that can also create “weather anomalies to cause floods, droughts and hurricanes.”

Wow I guess Command and Conquer Red Alert 2 was right! My favorite part is the fact that we decided that to use it on Haiti instead of a nation we actually have problems with such as North Korea or Iran.