I watched Captain America this weekend and thought I’d give everybody my thoughts on the movie (because my opinion is so important). The movie itself can be summed up by the following:
From a film titled Captain America this shouldn’t be surprising to anybody (although I did hear one person tell me that the biggest problem with Captain America was that the film was overly patriotic, I believe it was also a revelation to this individual when he discovered water is wet).
Obviously there could be some spoilers so if you’ve not yet seen the movie and wish everything to be a surprise stop reading now.
Captain America follows a scrawny Brooklyn kid wanting to join the Army during World War II. He keeps getting rejected because he’s medically ineligible for service, but damn it he keeps trying by going from recruitment center to recruitment center hoping one of the medical examiners will miss is numerous ailments. A scientist just happens to come across the kid at a recruitment center and decides he’s the perfect candidate for an experiment.
The experiment involves jacking the kid up with some magical serum that turns regular men into super awesome men that can jump higher and run faster than even the best athletes. It’s a superhero move so the story doesn’t have to make sense, just sit back and enjoy the ride. The beginning of the movie involves Chris Evan’s face CG’d (computer graphic’d) onto the body of a much smaller and scrawnier actor. Honestly I found this a bit distracting but it certainly was a better option than having a completely separate actor play little Captain America and then replacing him with a larger actor partway through the movie. Trust me you can easily ignore the obvious CG for a while.
The main bad guy is played by Hugo Weaving who happens to be one of my favorite actors, this was a huge plus in my book. Tommy Lee Jones plays, well, Tommy Lee Jones which is always good. After some time Captain America is tasked with fucking up Hydra’s (a fictional Nazi research brigade) new weapons that appear to be some kind of plasma cannons. Once again reality takes a back seat because this is a damned super hero movie, not a historical piece.
The rest of the movie can be summed up as Captain America kicking Nazi ass. If there is a person on this planet that can’t bring themselves to enjoy some good old fashion Nazi killing then make sure you never take movie advice from them. Nazi killing is always a plus in movies and Captain America has plenty of it.
Obviously all is well at the end as Captain America wins the day. After the credits finish rolling a trailer for The Avengers is played and informs the audience that the movie come out next summer.
On Chris’s scale of arbitrary ratings I give this movie a four out of five racoons. Why racoons? Fuck you that’s why, it makes just as much sense as stars. Either way this movie entertained me and that’s all I ask in exchange for a good rating. The movie didn’t get a full five racoons because it’s not Jurassic Park, didn’t star Clint Eastwood, and Iron Man was nowhere to be found. Still it was a fun movie so get your ass to the theater to watch it (or don’t, I really don’t care what you do).