Effective Zombie Weaponry

Well it’s happening again, zombie outbreaks. This time the cover story is under the guise of a “swine flu.” Yes people are dying and turning into zombies and the best cover up that the governments can come up with is a flu found in pigs. But I guess it’s better then the last cover story of a flu found in birds.

Anyways as a certified zombie control officer I thought it would be best to post a quick brief on effective weapons against zombies. Refreshers are always good. The weaponry listed will be restricted to ones obtainable by average American civilians so no missile launchers or machine guns.

The first rule of engaging zombies is to do it from as far away as possible. So the first few things we’ll cover are the queen of weapons, rifles. Lister here are some nice rifles for combating the zombie threat.


Nice light and accurate. The AR-15 is a semi-automatic version of the military’s standard battle rifles the M-16 (also come in M-4 style configurations). They’ve been around since the Vietnam War so most of the technical kinks have been worked out making them very reliable. They shoot a small bullet at high speeds. They have an effective range of roughly 400 yards although you can get more out of them if your a good shot and have good ammunition matched with an equally good gun. Their weight, or lack thereof, make them very nice to carry for long hauls. Ammunition is also fairly common (or at least was before the recent buy up craze). You can’t go wrong.

-M-14 / M1A

The previous battle rifle for the United State’s armed forces. It shoots a 7.62x51mm (.308) round with an effective range of roughly 600 yards. Once again a good rifle matched with good ammunition can get you much greater range in the hands of the properly trained. Their bloody reliable, more so then even the AR-15. Their also a lot heavier so hauling them around while running to the relative safety of the countryside can become burdensome. Ammunition isn’t as easy to find as it is for the AR-15 but it’s still plenty common. Do also note the ammunition is larger and heavier so you won’t be able to carry nearly as much. This means you need to make every shot count. Many can accept a fixed bayonet which makes the M-14 usable in close quarters combat (although there are much better weapons for that).


When Mikhail Kalashnikov invented this iconic rifle he was going for reliability and manageable recoil. He wanted all of this in a package that was easily portable by average people. What we got was one of the worlds most reliable rifles. Out of the ones listed here the AK-47 is the least accurate. Russians never really worried about tight tolerances when they built these things. But those lose tolerances also made for unstoppable reliability. This rifle will not fail you so long as you do not fail it. Drop it in the mud, sand, or water and pull it out and continue firing. This is one of the best anti-zombie rifles out there. It fires a 7.62x39mm round which has become exceedingly rare as of late. And it’s effective range his highly dependent on the quality of the rifle you obtain. But it will not fail, it’s easy to field strip, and easy to use. You simply can’t find a gun more suited for anti-zombie defense for average citizens. Get one.

OK now keeping zombies at a range isn’t always possible so we need to cover medium to close range combat.

– 12 Gauge Shotgun

When it comes to killing zombies nothing is more symbolic then the shotgun. It’s pure raw power put into a man portable system that is hard to fuck up. Simply aim at the head of your zombie target and pull the trigger. The only downside is range, you don’t have much of it. You’re looking inside 100 yards with slugs on a good day and less then 50 yards with birds shot. Buckshot has even less of a range, you’re looking at inside of 25 yards. There are many types but I’ll give my recommendation to the pump action variety. Unlike semi-automatics you don’t have to worry about jams with a pump and at the ranges you’ll most likely be using a shotgun for failures are not an option. The ammunition is bulky and heavy so you won’t be able to carry a whole lot. But shotguns are cheap and reliable. This is probably the best short range anti-zombie weapon money can buy.

– Springfield XD / Glock

I lump these two pistols together because they both have similar features. I chose pistols over revolvers when dealing with zombies because of the speed at which you can reload them and the additional capacity for ammunition. The trade off is reliability. Both of these pistols have been proven to fire reliably in the field so they are your best bets for pistols. When chose one remember to kill a zombie you only need to take out the brain and most zombies won’t be wearing helmets (unless the person died with it on) so any caliber which can penetrate skull will work. I usually say chose 9mm or larger. Do remember though with the increased size and weight of the rounds comes the side effect of not being able to carry as much so pick a happy medium for yourself. I chose .45 automatic because I’m familiar with it and it’s proven effective for me. For most people I recommend 9mm though because it’s small, light, and has very little recoil. The ammunition is also much cheaper.

– Subgun

A subgun is a small rifle style weapon that shoots pistol ammunition. They can get more range out of a pistol round then actual pistols due to the increased barrel length. I haven’t recommended any particular one because you should chose one that matches the ammunition your pistol will use. I have a Beretta CX4 in .45 automatic which has prove reliable to me. They also make the CX4 in 9mm and .40 S&W both good choices. The only real benefit you get from these is more range out of a common ammunition pool. These are NOT replacements for rifles. But having one can certainly increase your range in a small and light weight package (due to weight I do not recommend a Thompson submachinegun style weapon).

And finally for when things get really ugly and you have the undead within biting distance you need to get brutal. Brutality comes in the form of melee weapons.

– Entrenching Tool

Ah yes a small collapsible shovel. You never think of these things as being much for weapons but they certainly fit the bill. They have a nice pointed tip on the shovel which will pierce right through skull and brain with only a little force. And they work for digging and other various tasks to boot. All of this an they weigh almost nothing. This is the best melee weapon you can find when you factor in all the other tasks it can perform. Do note that many companies now make e-tools with cheap plastic, you don’t want one of these. You want to get the real deal. Go to your local military surplus store and pick up a nice one made of good old fashion metal. You won’t regret it (although you will regret not getting that rifle and having to deal with zombies at biting range).

– Machete

What beats a knife? Well when dealing with zombies anything that actually weighs enough to bust through skull. But more precisely a long knife with enough mass to bust through skull. Like the e-tool mentioned above machetes can server multiple roles. They are extremely handy if you have to cross heavily forested ares or jungles on your way to safety. They will cut through almost anything including the heads of zombies. Even if they become dull their mass is usually enough to cave in the skull of a nearby zombie. Do note that like the above mentioned e-tool many companies make cheap machetes. You don’t want one that will break in the heat of battle. Get a nice high quality one and it will defend you from the undead for years to come.

– Crowbar

Although not nearly as effective as the above two items a crowbar will let you bash skulls in Freeman style. They have enough weight to bust up zombie heads and are light enough to carry around. They also have a pointed end that you can jam through a zombie’s noggin. They are also very handy when you need to use them for their secondary function, prying things. Remember a crowbar is a fancy lever and you can always find a use for levers. As stated for the last two items get a high quality crowbar not some Chinese piece of shit made of pot metal. You don’t want this thing snapping when using it as a lever because it will fly up and hit you in the face most likely killing you.

This has been a public service announcement from the Zombie Control Task Force.

Fat People Are Environmental Hazards, Cause Global Warming…

Check this article out…


According to this article fat people should be considered an environmental hazard because they help advance global warming. Direct from the article…

“The study concludes that being overweight or obese ‘should be recognized as an environmental problem’ because of its contribution to climate change from additional food and transport emissions.”

Expect to hear from Al Gore soon on how we should round up all obese people and execute them to save the planet. Seriously though this whole bull shit with global warming is getting out of hand. Every prick and yahoo out there is willing to do a study to prove X causes global warming so they can get grant money.

I’m all for reducing pollution and such but let’s think critically about this. According to the global warming chanters there is no longer a debate and anybody who things otherwise is mentally insane. On the other hand no study has actually been performed looking at any other possible causes then human caused.

And there is a reason behind this, if you say anything that countermands the idea that global warming (shit I forgot it’s called the redundant phrase “climate change” because this year was a record cold year and the ice caps are at their highest since the ’70’s) you can’t get any grant money. So much for the scientific process but I digress.

Oh well I guess we should just start charging fat people for more carbon credits. Hey that’s a new tax scheme, don’t base it on a person’s income base it on their weight. Oh I’m so patenting that idea!

Just like everything causes cancer soon everything will be labeled to cause global warming.

22 Shot Dead in 24 Hours… In a Gun Free Zone

And tragic but eye opening article…


22 people have been shot dead in 24 hours. Sounds like the Brady Campaign’s wet dream come true, tragedy to exploit in order to press for more gun control laws. But wait it happened in Chicago which is a gun free zone.

For those of you who don’t know Chicago has a complete ban on handguns and sever (pretty much a complete ban) on long guns. The mayors have said less guns equals less crime. Sadly the article points to the real reality, gun free zones only take guns away from law abiding citizens.

Due to Chicago’s restrictions law abiding citizens have no means of defending themselves. Meanwhile criminals have the run of the place because they have the only guns beyond the ill-equipped police. These kinds of tragedies shouldn’t happen, and in fact most likely wouldn’t in a place where people could defend themselves.

Think about it, people claim gun free zones are safer because people can’t bring guns in. In reality this means law abiding citizens can’t bring in guns. A criminal by definition is a person who breaks the law. A person willing to break one law such as murder is not going to hesitate to break another law such as not bringing a gun into a gun free zone.

Many criminals who wish to commit mass shootings chose these gun free zones because they know the people there will be unable to defend themselves. These people are generally cowards who surrender or kill themselves at the first sign of confrontation.

How man tragedies do we have to suffer until law makers realize gun free zones like the entire city of Chicago are costing lives? Columbine, Virginia Tech, the recent shootings in Germany, all three events occurred in gun free zones. All three of these events could also have been stopped early if there were armed citizens these who could have confronted the aggressors.

Not a University Student or Faculty? Have a Concealed Carry License? You can Carry on Campus! At Least in Minnesota

I was talking to somebody today who mentioned it is illegal to carry on a state college campus period. It was then that I realized that many people, even those with concealed carry licenses, don’t know the entirety of Minnesota’s permit to carry a pistol law. At the end of this note I have pasted in the law dealing with carrying on school property but I’m mainly interested in pointing out sections i and f…

(i) a public or private elementary, middle, or secondary school building and its improved grounds, whether leased or owned by the school;

(f) Notwithstanding section 471.634, a school district or other entity composed exclusively of school districts may not regulate firearms, ammunition, or their respective components, when possessed or carried by nonstudents or nonemployees, in a manner that is inconsistent with this subdivision.

So under Minnesota law a licensed person can not carry on any K-12 school. But no mention of universities is made. Then section f states that school districts may not regular anybody who isn’t a student or a faculty member of that school. Hence universities can not prevent you from carrying your gun on their campus if you have a permit so long as you aren’t a student or employee.

So those of us with state issued permits to carry pistols can go onto college campuses armed after graduation. This is a good thing to know if you plan on visiting anybody on campus after you complete your degree or participate in any alumni events.

Here is the entirety of the Minnesota carry law dealing with school property…

Subd. 1d.Possession on school property; penalty.

(a) Except as provided under paragraphs (c) and (e), whoever possesses, stores, or keeps a dangerous weapon or uses or brandishes a replica firearm or a BB gun while knowingly on school property is guilty of a felony and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than two years or to payment of a fine of not more than $5,000, or both.

(b) Whoever possesses, stores, or keeps a replica firearm or a BB gun on school property is guilty of a gross misdemeanor.

(c) Notwithstanding paragraph (a) or (b), it is a misdemeanor for a person authorized to carry a firearm under the provisions of a permit or otherwise to carry a firearm on or about the person’s clothes or person in a location the person knows is school property. Notwithstanding section 609.531, a firearm carried in violation of this paragraph is not subject to forfeiture.

(d) As used in this subdivision:

(1) “BB gun” means a device that fires or ejects a shot measuring .18 of an inch or less in diameter;

(2) “dangerous weapon” has the meaning given it in section 609.02, subdivision 6;

(3) “replica firearm” has the meaning given it in section 609.713; and

(4) “school property” means:

(i) a public or private elementary, middle, or secondary school building and its improved grounds, whether leased or owned by the school;

(ii) a child care center licensed under chapter 245A during the period children are present and participating in a child care program;

(iii) the area within a school bus when that bus is being used by a school to transport one or more elementary, middle, or secondary school students to and from school-related activities, including curricular, cocurricular, noncurricular, extracurricular, and supplementary activities; and

(iv) that portion of a building or facility under the temporary, exclusive control of a public or private school, a school district, or an association of such entities where conspicuous signs are prominently posted at each entrance that give actual notice to persons of the school-related use.

(e) This subdivision does not apply to:

(1) active licensed peace officers;

(2) military personnel or students participating in military training, who are on-duty, performing official duties;

(3) persons authorized to carry a pistol under section 624.714 while in a motor vehicle or outside of a motor vehicle to directly place a firearm in, or retrieve it from, the trunk or rear area of the vehicle;

(4) persons who keep or store in a motor vehicle pistols in accordance with section 624.714 or 624.715 or other firearms in accordance with section 97B.045;

(5) firearm safety or marksmanship courses or activities conducted on school property;

(6) possession of dangerous weapons, BB guns, or replica firearms by a ceremonial color guard;

(7) a gun or knife show held on school property;

(8) possession of dangerous weapons, BB guns, or replica firearms with written permission of the principal or other person having general control and supervision of the school or the director of a child care center; or

(9) persons who are on unimproved property owned or leased by a child care center, school, or school district unless the person knows that a student is currently present on the land for a school-related activity.

(f) Notwithstanding section 471.634, a school district or other entity composed exclusively of school districts may not regulate firearms, ammunition, or their respective components, when possessed or carried by nonstudents or nonemployees, in a manner that is inconsistent with this subdivision.

New Administration OK with Unconstitutional Warrantless Wire Tapping

For those of you in the know you remember the Electronic Frontier Foundation filed a lawsuit againt the Bush administration because of their enacting of warrentless wire tapping.

This lawsuit started in October of 2008. The then administration asked to delay any response until April of 2009. The EFF decided this would be good for their case since there would be an administartion change.

We have that new administration now. They ran on a platform promising government transparency and change. No longer would American citizens have to live under such unconstitutional laws as warrantless wire tapping.

Well at least that’s what they promised. They down right lied. Here is a good article with the bew administration’s response on the case along with a detailed analysis…


Notice anything familiar? The response sounds exactly like the justification the previous administartion gave for enacting the act.

All of this is done to fight terrorists and national security would be at risk is they devildged what exactly was being recorded. Civil rights be damned.

So much for change huh?

So How is Obama and Friends Change?

Although I know the majority of people on my friends list will probably want me hanged for the title alone take a good look at this…


A new piece of legislation dubbed The Cybersecurity Act of 2009 is trying to establish control over the Internet for Obama. In a very Bush era bill this proposal would allow the president “to declare a cyber security emergency” at which point he could order the shutdown or restriction of any “critical” information network such as the Internet.

And of course just as Bush this bill is being proposed in the name of “national security.” So somebody explain to me how this is “change” from the last administration.