Politics is a Sport

A new study has been released that confirms what everybody already knew:

A new study published at Political Research Quarterly indicates that many Americans who identify with one of the major parties make their electoral decisions more like a sports fan than an informed voter.

What motivates partisans to vote is “not high-minded, good-government, issue-based goals,” says Patrick Miller of the University of Kansas, who co-authored the research with the University of North Carolina’s Pamela Johnston Conover. Instead, “It’s, ‘I hate the other party. I’m going to go out, and we’re going to beat them.'”

I’m not exactly sure what “high-minded, good-government” is but I do understand the gist of the study. Voters closely resemble those annoying drunks at sportsball events that paint their preferred team’s colors on their body, wear some stupid hate, and scream loudly every time their preferred team does something. The only difference, and I believe this is a major downside, is that voters tend to be more restrained. I would much prefer it if voters got drunk, painted themselves, and screamed loudly at political events. At least that would be mildly entertaining and treat the subject matter with the seriousness it deserves. But I’ve been to political events and the fans are usually stuffy codgers in suits, or at the very least business casual dress, who merely clap when their preferred politician says something they like.

We should take the treating of elections to the next logical step. All political events should involve keg stands, beer pong, and drinking games. Nothing any politician says will change what team the fans vote for so they might as well turn their boring speeches into fun parities.

It’s also probably worth noting that this is why you will change nothing through voting. Most people don’t give a shit about the issues. All they care about is that their team beats the other team.