Cranking Down the Screws a Little More

Flying is already a miserable experience. Airplanes are designed to cram people in like sardines, the food offered on most flights is subpar (a tiny bag of pretzels, peanuts, or cookies isn’t exactly a gourmet meal), and getting through security is a nightmare. Unfortunately, getting through security is going to become a little worse:

Travelers must remove electronics larger than a mobile phone from their carry-on bags and “place them in a bin with nothing on top or below, similar to how laptops have been screened for years. This simple step helps TSA officers obtain a clearer X-ray image,” the TSA announced amid growing fears that electronic devices can pose as homemade bombs.

“Whether you’re flying to, from, or within the United States, TSA is committed to raising the baseline for aviation security by strengthening the overall security of our commercial aviation network to keep flying as a safe option for everyone,” TSA Acting Administrator Huban A. Gowadia said. “It is critical for TSA to constantly enhance and adjust security screening procedures to stay ahead of evolving threats and keep passengers safe. By separating personal electronic items such as laptops, tablets, e-readers and handheld game consoles for screening, TSA officers can more closely focus on resolving alarms and stopping terror threats.”

The Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) slogan should be we’re not happy until you’re not happy. Since it was established in 2001, the TSA has failed to find a single terrorist. The only credit to the agency’s name is its ability to detect water bottles. But that hasn’t stopped the agency from continuously tightening the screws. Flying today usually requires you to choose between going through their slave scanners or being sexually assaulted (and oftentimes both) just to get on the goddamn airplane. Now you’ll also have to waste your time sorting your electronics into separate bins, which will increase security line wait times and lead to an even more miserable experience for no reason whatsoever. Unless, of course, you pay the TSA an extortion fee:

But the new rules don’t apply to everybody. The TSA was quick to point out that the revised security measures do not apply to passengers enrolled in the TSA Precheck program.

By this time next year I wouldn’t be surprised if the TSA requires passengers to unlock their devices so they can be search by crack agents with a lukewarm IQ (unless you paid your extortion fee to enroll in Precheck).

2 thoughts on “Cranking Down the Screws a Little More”

    1. This is why I tell people to fly with wiped devices if they’re going internationally. The United States government has deemed that you have no privileges at the border.

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