The Winners of the Scummiest Parents of the Year Award

It’s not secret that I’m avidly against so-called gun buy back programs. First of all the terminology is misleading because buying back an item implies that you at one point owned it. For example if I purchase a car from you and later sell it back to you the transaction could be considered a buy back. As I’ve never purchased a firearm from the government they can not claim previous ownership and therefore can’t “buy it back.” The other major issue I have with so-called buy back programs is the simple fact that they’re often funded with taxpayer money. Did I mention the fact that they’re completely ineffective as no criminal is going to turn over a perfectly functional firearm for a measly $100.00 gift card?

Well it seems a group of idiot anti-gunners, but I repeat myself, got together and came up with a rather moronic idea befitting their movement. Behold, a gun buy back program for children:

The guns being bought back from the streets weren’t 9 mm handguns or Glocks. Instead, they were Nerf guns or toy pistols.

And they weren’t being bought with cash. This time, the currency was pizza slices, notebooks and dress shirts.

The FATHERS group and Bona Pizza teamed up Monday for a buyback aimed at younger teens and preteens at the pizzeria at Bailey and Kensington avenues.

You know what? So long as you’re privately funding this stupidity I’m not going to kick up too much fuss but I am going to call you on the fact that you’re bloody morons. The way I see it this move is either purely stupid or purely brilliant depending on whether or not the children of the pizzeria owner end up with a bunch of new Nerf guns. Either way the justification for this buy back is sickening:

The idea was simple: Don’t let kids get used to firing weapons, even if they’re toys.

“It makes them too comfortable, holding that gun,” said Leonard Lane, president of Fathers Armed Together to Help, Educate, Restore and Save. “Then there’s no fear holding the real gun when they get older. We want to put that fear back into our children, teaching them what guns can do, how they affect their community.”

“A toy gun today, a real gun tomorrow,” said Charles Cina, owner of Bona Pizza. “That’s what we want to stop.”

Emphasis mine. I don’t even have to take any journalistic creativity here, the own of the pizzeria actually wants to frighten children. He wants to put fear of inanimate objects into them. What kind of asshole wants to put fear into a child? That kind of dickery takes a special kind of jackass in my never humble opinion.

On top of that I don’t know why there should be fear in holding a real gun. I’ve spend more time behind the trigger of various firearms than many and I’ve never felt any fear. Sure there is respect for the device and what it’s capable of but respect and fear are completely different. Respect of potentially dangerous objects is something that children should be imbued with while fear or anything is something that they should be taught to reject.

Humans are taught to fear that which they do not understand and what this group of parents is trying to do is ensure children never understand firearms. Firearms are deceptively simple mechanical devices and once you understand that guns become far less mystical and frightening. On top of that there are safety rules which, if followed, will ensure nobody is accidentally injured with a firearm. If these parents really gave a damn about the development of their children they would take their kids to a firearm safety class instead of trying to turn firearms into a mystical black box technology.

As I said humans are taught to fear that which they do not understand but before receiving this despicable lesson children are very inquisitive. It takes years of beating fear into children before they come to the conclusion that objects they don’t understand are somehow scary. Until that fear is beat into them they are curious about anything they lack an understand of. As a parent you have two options available to you; either teach your children about things they lack an understanding of or teach your children to fear things they don’t understand. The first option will teach children to strive for knowledge while the second will teach them to just do as they’re told and never question authority. The second option is also one taken by a parent who is incredibly lazy.

A funny thing happens to children who are taught how to responsibly handle firearms, they usually handle firearms responsibly. That isn’t to say you should allow children to handle firearms unsupervised; supervision, in fact, is the teaching that will take away the mysticism of the firearm and ensure children develop a proper respect and understanding of the lead throwing contraptions instead of bumbling around with one curiously which usually ends in injury or death.

I will say that any child who participated in this program should have learned one important life lesson, some people are assholes and will try to rip you off:

So kids such as Tarence Callaham, 14, a Buffalo ninth-grader, brought in his green and orange Nerf gun. In return, Tarence got a piece of pepperoni pizza, a snazzy dress shirt and the chance to shoot some hoops in the pizzeria parking lot.

Nerf guns aren’t exactly the cheapest toys on the planet. Generally you can buy a piece of pizza and a dress shirt for less than a Nerf gun. Likewise most cities have numerous free basketball courts available for use without charge and basketballs can be had for very little money. Lets look at what another child received for his Nerf gun:

Tynell Ruffins, 9, a fourth-grader at Community Charter School, got a bigger haul in return for his orange and black Nerf gun. He got the pizza, a soft drink, a notebook, a dress shirt and a Marvel Heroes folder.

Once again a piece of pizza, soft drink, notebook, dress shirt, and folder can generally be had for far less than a Nerf gun. Not only are the parents involved in this scheme trying to frighten children but they’re also ripping them off. Make no mistake, these parents are equal to scam artists that rob little old ladies of their retirement funds. That is to say these parents are scum pure and simple. With that said I do want to take one of them up on an offer they made:

“We’ve got to be willing to exchange everything and anything to get guns off the street,” he added.

Deal, for every two ounces of pure gold you give me I’ll give you one of my firearms. How about it? I’m dead serious and this offer is available to anybody.