Addressing the Important Petitions

The White House’s We the People petitions have an interesting track record. When a petition asking for cannabis to be legalized reached the arbitrary numbers of signatures it was entirely blown off. When a petition dealing with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) was close to reaching the arbitrary number of signatures it mysteriously vanished. By blowing off or deleting petitions that fail to fit the state’s agenda the White House has sent a clear message, the people will be ignored. On the other hand if your petition is entirely pointless it receives an actual response:

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

I find it hard to believe that the White House doesn’t support blowing up planets. Then again if a planet is blown up the resources can’t be expropriated so I guess there is some method to their madness. It should go without saying that the administration’s claim that it’s trying to reduce the deficit is laughable.

Now we know the secret to getting a serious response to a petition, write a joke petition.