America No Longer Has a Monopoly on Reinterpreting Constitutions

For the longest time it seemed that no challenger existed to the United States’ monopoly on reinterpreting its own Constitution. Thankfully some competition has arisen as Japan has learned how to reinterpret its own constitution:

Under its constitution, Japan is barred from using force to resolve conflicts except in cases of self-defence.

But a reinterpretation of the law will now allow “collective self-defence” – using force to defend allies under attack.

Obviously this is good news for the United States. One of the biggest mistakes America made after World War II was disallowing Japan the ability to initiate force against foreign countries. This has prevented the island nation from joining us in many of our foreign excursions. Because we have been unable to access Japan’s first-hand experience at empire building we’ve been forced to muddle about as we try to learn how to play the game.

In addition to learning how to reinterpret its own constitution it appears as though Japan’s war mongering prime minister has also learned the American way of selling such shenanigans to his people:

PM Shinzo Abe has been pushing hard for the move, arguing Japan needs to adapt to a changing security environment.

“No matter what the circumstances, I will protect Japanese people’s lives and peaceful existence,” he told journalists after the change was approved.

Don’t worry citizens it’s all in the name of national security. While this reinterpretation of the constitution may seem like the wrong course of action trust me when I tell you that the barbarians at the gate will get you in your sleep if I don’t make this change. Now return to your jobs and wait until I declare war on a foreign nation (whose name will totally not be China) and force all of you to die in the name of our (and by “our” I mean my) glorious crusade!