I Visit the Dark Side of Twitter So You Don’t Have To

Some rather unpleasant Twitter harassment ended up in me digging deep into the bowels of Twitter’s neoconservatives. It’s a shitty place, pun intended, that one should only venture if they’re prepared to see hatred in its purest form. Because of the shooting in Paris yesterday the neocons were finally able to achieve the full erection that so often eludes them. What that means is that social media sites were on fire with masturbatory hatred. What follows are a few of the highlight I came across.

Let’s start with this gem:


The neoconservative movement, being mostly composed of zealous “Christians”, always claim that “moderate Muslims” don’t protest the actions of extremists. This accusation is an implication that all Muslims secret support these acts. Of course these same “Christians” always seem to be silent when organizations such as the Lord’s Resistance Army commits a heinous crime or a self-proclaims Christian attacks an abortion clinic. I guess they must support those actions.

This isn’t the only tweet made by this account. It also inflicted this stupidity on the Internet:


You can see the account holder’s raging neocon erection from here! Nothing gets a neocon off as effectively as the thought of American soldiers being sent to the Middle East for no reason to kill people who, by and large, are uninvolved in any of these hostilities. But the American military is composed heavily of Christians so neocons get to fantasize about them being the modern Crusaders. And, you know, the fact that we’re invading Middle Eastern countries for no reason has nothing to do with the fact that violent extremists periodically attack Western nations.

It’s time to look at a new account spewing the same shit:


19,250 attacks? I wonder where they got that number. It was probably pulled out of their asses. Because of how large the number is I’m assuming it includes any engagement between American military forces and Middle Easterners. As the American military is composed heavily of Christians one could just as easily as that there have been 19,250 deadly Christian attacks since 9/11/01. After all, if we’re going to pull numbers out of our asses they might as well be fairly evaluated.

Do you know what’s fun? Disrespecting everybody who subscribes to a religion for the actions of a few:


Islam prohibits the consumption of pork, much like Judaism. Obviously that means it’s hilarious to put pork products in the halal meat section. That way you can cost the business, which is entirely uninvolved in any of this shit, money while disrespecting people who are also entirely uninvolved (because those Muslims shopping at your local Cubs Food for their weekly groceries probably aren’t shooting Christians in the fact).

What do neocons hate almost as much as Muslims? Black people! Somewhere out there a neocon was going to try to combine the Paris shooting with the killings of Michael Brown and Eric Garner. Here it is:


Because people protesting killings of black people by police officers is the exact same thing as some nutjobs storming a building and gunning down innocent people. But in the eyes of neocons if you oppose any actions by police officers, no matter how gruesome, you’re supporting murderers of all kinds (except the ones with badges, of course).

Besides being cantankerous asses, neocons also enjoy very childish humor. Nothing makes an ideological point like potty humor:


So much edge you can cut yourself on it! Like many neocons, Mr. O’Halloran has a radio show. What hat means is that nobody besides the 10 or so remaining neocons actually listen to him. Everybody who is culturally relevant have moved onto more modern mediums such as YouTube, Twitter, and podcasts.

It was this point that I decided to turn off the Internet for the night. This was too much for even me to take. Yet I felt it was important because neocons always complain about “liberals” hating on them and seem entirely ignorant as to why. This is why. Every tweet I linked to is being written by a neocon and reads like it was written by a complete asshole (because it was). People don’t hate neocons because they’re not liberals, people hate neocons because so many of them sound like complete jackasses.