Target, Hire Me as Your Next CEO

In 2011 Target decided to make a concerted effort to push into Canada. This experiment ended with the company pulling out of our neighbor to the north with a loss of $5.4 billion. The loss caused the termination of 1,700 employees and a decision not to fill 1,400 open positions. To add a bit of insult to injury the CEO overseeing this failure was Gregg Steinhafel and he received a $61 million severance package.

I really think Target should consider hiring me to replace their current CEO. You’re probably wondering what my qualifications are. Well they’re pretty damn good. If I were the CEO of Target I could raze that company to the ground harder than a Mongol horde in Baghdad. And I would be willing to do it for much less than $61 million! I’d be willing to do the same thing for only a couple million dollars. But my magic touch isn’t available exclusively to Target. Any company that wants to give a massive severance package to a CEO in exchange for them destroying it can hire me!

My e-mail address is conveniently located in the navigation bar to the right. Feel free to get in contact with me if you’re interested in my services.