Debating the Important Issues

The politicians in Minnesota always prioritize the important issues. While this fine state is facing several minor issues such as skyrocketing health insurance costs, stupidly high taxes, and the idiocy of the medical cannabis law that was written in a way that ensures the continuation of the drug war there is a very sinister issue facing us: senators can’t drink water on the floor:

Early in the upcoming legislative session, the Minnesota Senate will again take up an issue sure to spark debate and division among its members: whether to allow senators to drink water while on the Senate floor.

The upper chamber of the Legislature has long prided itself on tradition and a particular view of decorum. Senators are banned from looking at each other during debates, and are required to instead look only at the president of the Senate while speaking. Men — including both senators and members of the press — are required to wear a jacket and tie on the Senate floor, while women have less specific rules but are expected to dress professionally. Anyone on the Senate floor is banned from bringing in food or beverages, including water.

Supporters of the rules, who have continually voted down attempts to change them, say they are needed to enforce order — and protect the Senate’s antique desks from water damage.

I hope these senators come to their sense and realize that the wisdom of the no water rule is so self-evident that the only sensible choice is to expand it beyond the floor. The no water for senators rule should be expanded to encompass the entire state. Imagine how much better this state would be if elected senators were never allowed to drink water. Minnesota’s most significant problems would be solved in approximately three days!

One thought on “Debating the Important Issues”

  1. Hey, at least the time spent debating water rules is time not spent enacting bullshit laws that attempt to run people’s lives in even more ways then before. How can we ratchet up their hysteria over this issue, I wonder? If we get a list of which senators support which side, we could send all of them insulting messages allegedly from the other side. Water supporters could be depicted as peeing in their pants on the floor of the Senate. Water banners could be depicted as hating it because they drink nothing but vodka. Implying that the other side are practicing child molesters might be helpful in cranking up the outrage. Pretty soon nothing could get done, which, given what they do when things ARE getting done, would surely be a boon.

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