If Alex Jones Voiced Doom

The new Doom is one of my favorite games of all time. id Software managed to pull of an almost perfect balance of fast paced action, satisfying weaponry, enemy variety, and over-the-top violence while leaving behind most of the features that have displeased me about modern shooters such as having to reload, not being able to carry more than two guns, and the ability to recover health by not getting hit for several seconds. But yesterday I discovered a video that showed me that Doom could be made even better.

Deus Ex: Mankind Divided

I used the long to finish up Deus Ex: Mankind Divided. If you enjoyed the gameplay of Human Revolution you’ll enjoy the gameplay in Mankind Divided as it’s basically the last game plus more. In that regard I really enjoyed playing through Mankind Divided. However, the ending can best be summed up by Pickles:

We got you your favorite thing, disappointment!

There are going to be some minor spoilers here so if you haven’t finished the game you should stop reading unless you want an idea about what happens. The end of the gaming involves you saving some people and fighting an end boss. What makes the ending disappointing is that it leaves a lot of story threads unresolved and it feels far less epic in scale than the last game. When I finished the final boss I thought I was maybe at the halfway point until a notification popped up alerting me than I had unlocked New Game+ mode.

If you’ve played a Deus Ex game you know that it delves into some serious conspiracy theory shit. The Illuminati are trying to control humanity and I expected this would be the game where Majestic 12 would split off from the Illuminati. Instead the Illuminati only really appears in a handful of cutscenes and the plot is rather mundane. They want to turn the world against augmented humans and… that’s about it. To that end they’ve invented a new poison, which is talked up into being much more interesting than it turns out to be, and send a big augmented dude with a bunch of bombs to perform acts of terror. The big guy is the end boss even though he feels like a midway boss if you’re comparing him to most Deux Ex games. Likewise, after fighting him you expect the actual Illuminati plot to be unveiled but instead the game just kind of ends.

So Mankind Divided is a really fun game that suffers from a very lackluster plot and an ending that leaves a lot unresolved. At $60 I don’t feel that the game was worth it, especially since Square Enix forced the Eidos crew to shoehorn a microtransaction system into the game (fortunately that doesn’t ruin the balance of the game, you can get through the entire game easily without having to buy anything from the online store). If you’re thinking about picking this game up my advice is to either wait for it to drop in price (I’d say it’s worth $30) or at least wait for the Director’s Cut or whatever they’re going to call the edition that includes everything you’ll end up paying extra for in the form of paid downloadable content (which seems to be stuff that was purposely removed from the main game just so it could be sold for more money).

Updating Your Brand New Xbox One When It Refuses To Update

The new Doom finally convinced me to buy a new console. I debated between a PlayStation 4 and an Xbox One. In the end I settled on the Xbox One because I still don’t fully trust Sony (I may never get over the fact that they included malicious root kits on music CDs to enforce their idiotic copy protection and I’m still unhappy about them removing the Linux capabilities for the PlayStation 3) and I was able to buy a refurbished unit for $100.00 off (I’m cheap).

When I hooked up the Xbox One and powered it up for the first time it said it needed to download and apply an update before doing anything else. I let it download the update, since I couldn’t do anything with it until it finished updating, only for it to report that “There was a problem with the update.” That was the entirety of the error message and the only diagnostic option available was to test the network connection, which reported that everything was fine and I was connected to the Internet. I tried power cycling the device, disconnecting it from power for 30 seconds, and every other magical dance that Microsoft recommended on its useless trouble shooting site. Nothing would convince the Xbox to download and install the update it said it absolutely needed.

After a lot of fucking around I finally managed to update it. If you’re running into this problem you can give this strategy a try. Hopefully it saves you the hour and a half of fucking around I went through. What you will need is a USB flash drive formatted in NTFS (the Xbox One will not read the drive if it’s formatted in a variation of FAT because reasons) and some time to wait for the multi-gigabyte files to download.

Go to Microsoft’s site for downloading the Offline System Update Diagnostic Tool. Scroll down to the downloads. You’ll notice that they’re separated by OS versions. Since you cannot do anything on the Xbox One until the update is applies you can’t look up your OS version (nice catch-22). What you will want to do is download both OSUDT3 and OSUDT2.

When you have the files unzip them. Copy the contents of OSUDT3 to the root directory of the flash drive and connect the flash drive to the side USB port on the Xbox One. Hold down the controller sync button on the side and press the power button on the Xbox One (do not turn the Xbox One on with the controller otherwise this won’t work). Still holding down the sync button now press and hold the DVD eject button as well. You should hear the startup sound play twice. After that you can release the two buttons and the Xbox One should start applying the OSUDT3 update. Once that is finished the system will boot normally and you will return to the initial update screen that refuses to apply any updates.

Remove the flash drive, erase the OSUDT3 files from it, and copy the contents of the OSUDT2 zip file to the root directory of the flash drive. Insert the flash drive into the side USB port on the Xbox One and perform the above dance all over again. Once the update has applied your Xbox One should boot up and actually be something other than a useless brick.

As an aside, my initial impression of the Xbox One is less than stellar.