A Geek With Guns

Chronicling the depravities of the State.

Archive for the ‘Random Funny Shit’ tag

Voting Kills

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There are many reasons not to vote. One of the most notable is that voting is ineffective. But perhaps even higher on the list is that voting kills:

An 82-year-old great-grandmother from Texas voted for the first time ever during this year’s midterm elections. Gracie Phillips was battling pneumonia and in hospice care when she voted early Thursday. Sadly, just four days after casting her midterm ballot, Phillips died — but not before she had her voice heard and her opinion counted, her granddaughters told CBS News.

This woman voted for the first time in her life and just a few days later, BAM, dead.

Written by Christopher Burg

November 8th, 2018 at 11:00 am

Posted in Politics

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Intuitive Spell Checker

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It turns out that the spell checker on my new laptop is really intuitive:

It also turns out that when you accidentally have Firefox’s spell checker language set to English (Malawi), hilarity ensues.

Written by Christopher Burg

November 8th, 2018 at 10:30 am

Posted in Humor

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The Best Timeline

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Tuesday’s election resulted in a prisoner, dead pimp, and man with a thing for Bigfoot erotica all winning offices. We truly do live in the best timeline.

Written by Christopher Burg

November 8th, 2018 at 10:00 am

No Jury Will Convict Him

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There are certain crimes that are justified by the circumstances under which they were perpetrated. This is one of them:

A scientist accused of attempted murder in Antarctica stabbed his colleague because “he was fed up with the man telling him the endings of books,” it has been claimed.

Scientific engineer Sergey Savitsky, 55, became enraged and stabbed welder Oleg Beloguzov, 52, with a kitchen knife.

It is believed to be the first time a man has been charged with attempted murder in Antarctica.

I doubt that there’s a jury on the planet that will convict him.

Written by Christopher Burg

November 1st, 2018 at 10:00 am

Posted in Humor

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If You’re Going to Go, Go All Out

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White smoke signals that the gender has been revealed.

Black smoke signals that the gender has not been revealed.

An off-duty border patrol agent wanted an explosive gender reveal party for his family and friends, but he ended up igniting a wildfire that spread to Coronado National Forest in Arizona.

Dennis Dickey, 37, of Tucson, Arizona, has to pay more than $8 million in restitution, starting with a $100,000 initial payment and monthly payments thereafter, the Department of Justice said in a statement.

Written by Christopher Burg

October 3rd, 2018 at 10:30 am

Have You Registered

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Written by Christopher Burg

September 25th, 2018 at 11:30 am

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Fucking Parasite

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A somewhat esoteric laugh courtesy of Egoistball.

Written by Christopher Burg

September 11th, 2018 at 10:00 am

Impotent Rage

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Nike announced its new mascot, Colin Kaepernick. Since Kaepernick made a name for himself by failing to stand during prayers to skycloth, a lot of conservatives are upset with Nike and have chosen to make Nike feel their impotent rage:

Following the announcement, the hashtags #BoycottNike and #JustBurnIt started trending on Twitter and shares started falling. Some angry consumers even posted photos and videos of themselves burning their Nike shoes and other gear to protest the company using the divisive figure in its 30th anniversary ad campaign.

I ask you this, is there a more useless way to protest a company than destroying your own property? I can’t think of one. If you purchase a pair of Nike shoes and later burned them, it doesn’t hurt Nike one bit, the company already has your money.

With that said, I am glad that Nike chose Kaepernick as its mascot, not because I feel that a backup quarterback best represents the company but because the memes that have sprung forth have been solid gold! This one is my favorite so far:

Written by Christopher Burg

September 5th, 2018 at 10:00 am

The Best Memory

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The powers of the current United States president never cease to amaze me. For example, he apparently remembers the bombing of Pearl Harbor:

“I remember Pearl Harbor,” Trump reportedly told Abe as part of a tirade against the U.S. trade deficit with Japan. The president reportedly wanted better deals to help U.S. car and beef producers.

Considering Pearl Harbor was bombed in 1941 and Trump was born in 1946, he apparently has a really good memory, just the best.

Written by Christopher Burg

September 4th, 2018 at 10:00 am

All the Conveniences of Vegas

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What do you do if you’re a Catholic who hasn’t been to confession in a while but need to get your sins absolved before the Pope’s scheduled visit? You head over to the drive-through confessional:

Now, with Pope Francis scheduled to visit Ireland this weekend, a different kind of massive structure has been built to welcome him: a drive-through confessional close to the same park, where Francis will celebrate Mass this weekend.

And here I thought that the religious conveniences of Vegas stopped at drive-through wedding chapels!

Written by Christopher Burg

August 23rd, 2018 at 10:00 am

Posted in Humor

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