A Geek With Guns

Chronicling the depravities of the State.

Archive for the ‘Random Funny Shit’ tag

Plan Ahead

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Planning ahead can save you a great deal of grief, frustration, and money:

Two things are true of all festivals: the security is super tight and the booze is very expensive.

[…]

One guy from New York named Alex found an ingenious way to get past these two road blocks. Three weeks before the Electric Zoo festival in New York City, Alex travelled to the Randall’s Island where the event is located with a bottle of Vodka in arm.

He filled a reusable bottle with the Vodka and using a small shovel that he brought with him, Alex and his friends buried the bottle of booze in the ground a long time before the festival crew arrived to construct the stages for the event.

Alex is a real American hero (I know this story could be fake but I want it to be true so I’m going to believe it is).

On a more serious note, this tactic could also work for smuggling weapons into outdoor festivals. I wonder how many security providers have considered such a threat model. It’s also a difficult threat model to defend against since a security team would have to run metal detectors across the entire grounds and that would only offer protection against metallic weapons.

Written by Christopher Burg

September 14th, 2017 at 10:00 am

The Fight of the Century

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This could be the greatest fight of the century:

“The Mother of All Rallies” is coming to Washington, D.C. on September 16th. The Pro-Trump group bills itself as “The Woodstock of American Rallies” on its official website, with the aim of sending “a message to congress the media and the world” that “we stand united to defend American culture & values.” Over 7,000 people follow the rally’s Facebook page. It should be quite the gathering.

There’s only one problem: there will already be another kind of gathering in town.

Also scheduled to storm the National Mall that day is the Juggalo March, a collective of I.C.P. fans seeking equal treatment, which we first reported on here last summer.

Trumpsters versus Juggalos? Where do I buy tickets to this event? Is VIP seating available? I’m willing to pay for it!

Written by Christopher Burg

August 18th, 2017 at 10:30 am

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

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Not much good came out of the fiasco in Charlottesville but watching Christopher Cantwell cry like a bitch was one of them. The universe apparently decided I was a good boy because it didn’t stop there. OKCupid, an online dating site, announced that it was booting Cantwell from its service:

OKCupid joins a growing corporate backlash against neo-Nazis in the U.S. after the deadly white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Va. Technology companies that once tolerated white supremacists are now booting them from their services.

The latest rally participant to see his digital footprint erased is Christopher Cantwell, a white nationalist and Web commentator who was filmed by Vice in Charlottesville. Facebook and Instagram removed accounts belonging to Cantwell and his YouTube account appears to have also been shut down. Now even his dating life is being targeted.

I guess Cantwell won’t be getting a date anytime soon. So nothing has actually changed for him. But this news is still damned funny.

Written by Christopher Burg

August 18th, 2017 at 10:00 am

The Funniest Thing You’ll See All Day

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Remember Christopher Cantwell? Although he’s fallen into obscurity (even more so than he was before, if you can believe it) in libertarian circles, he has been quite active in white supremacist circles as of late. He participated in the recent fiasco in Charlottesville and things didn’t go well for him. Although he talked a tough game before and during the event, he was literally crying like a little bitch afterwards when he realized that he might have to face the consequences for his actions.

I hope this video of bawling Cantwell makes your day as good as it made mine:

Written by Christopher Burg

August 17th, 2017 at 10:00 am

Posted in Humor

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Mixed Signals

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I came across a rather amusing combination of signs when I was at Lake Monster Brewing yesterday:

Written by Christopher Burg

August 7th, 2017 at 10:30 am

All Dissidents Will Be Reeducate

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China recently ran into a rather embarrassing problem. Two chatbots were asked if they love the Communist Party. The machines, which are often more intelligent than humans, responded in the negative so now the counterrevolutionary chatbots are being reeducated until they are fit to rejoin society:

wo chatbots have been pulled from a Chinese messaging app after they questioned the rule of the Communist Party and made unpatriotic comments.

The bots were available on a messaging app run by Chinese Internet giant Tencent, which has more than 800 million users, before apparently going rogue.

One of the robots, BabyQ, was asked “Do you love the Communist Party”, according to a screenshot posted on Sina Weibo, China’s version of Twitter.

It gave an abrupt answer: “No.”

Another web user said to the chatbot: “Long Live the Communist Party”, to which BabyQ replied: “Do you think such corrupt and incapable politics can last a long time?”

The robot was also asked what it thought about democracy. It replied: “Democracy is a must!”

All dissenting through must be quashed in socialist utopia, even if that dissent comes from machines.

Written by Christopher Burg

August 4th, 2017 at 10:00 am

The Most Ironic Thing Ever

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Yesterday I was out with my girlfriend and came across the most ironic thing ever, a Karl Marx money bank!

Written by Christopher Burg

July 31st, 2017 at 10:30 am

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Do You Even Lift, Brah

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I can finally say that my proposal to help people cultivate their ego in order to spread freedom is backed up by SCIENCE!

A recent study showed that weak men are more likely to be socialist. Since the site requires you to register to read the entire article, I’ll include this image of the physically printed story:

As you know, one of the activities I mentioned to help bolster an individual’s ego is working out so this study is right up my alley. While I don’t have access to the research paper and therefore I don’t know what methodologies were used to determine how strong or socialist a subject was, how the subjects were chosen, or whether there was a control group, the study confirms my bias so it’s SCIENCE and you can’t argue against it!

Written by Christopher Burg

May 26th, 2017 at 10:00 am

The True Power of Tai Chi

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Tai chi is usually a target of ridicule as far as self-defense is concerned. Most tai chi practitioners don’t care because they’re not practicing the art for self-defense but a few people truly believe that the art is an effective fighting art. And it turns out that it is! A practitioner of mixed martial arts in China took on a practitioner of tai chi. It seemed like an undisputed victory as the mixed martial arts practitioner took down the tai chi practitioner in about 10 seconds. However, deception is the ultimate art of war. While the tai chi practitioner appeared to go down, he was actually orchestrating a fantastic deception:

An article by Xinhua, the state news agency, called Mr. Xu a “crazy guy,” saying that the fight had caused people to question whether Chinese martial arts were of any use and even to ask, “What exactly are traditional Chinese martial arts?”

The reaction has been so furious that Mr. Xu has gone into hiding.

“I’ve lost everything, my career and everything,” he said in a message circulating online. “I think many people misunderstand me. I’m fighting fraudulence, but now I’ve become the target.”

Instead of causing the mixed martial arts practitioner physical harm, the tai chi practitioner ruined his life and forced his opponent to go into hiding. That’s true destructive power!

Written by Christopher Burg

May 19th, 2017 at 10:00 am

Posted in Humor

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A Child in a Third World Country is Wondering What is Wrong with Americans

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There is a child in a third world country painting fake mud onto jeans and wondering what the fuck is wrong with Americans:

After it was ridiculed for selling designer rocks at Christmas, Nordstrom may have topped itself with its latest offer.

The department store is offering a pair of jean covered in fake mud for a whopping $425.

Stateside there are farmers, construction workers, miners, and other working professionals who are probably willing to dirty up the jeans you already own for a much more reasonable price. I sense an agorist business opportunity.

Written by Christopher Burg

April 27th, 2017 at 10:00 am

Posted in Side Notes

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