A Geek With Guns

Chronicling the depravities of the State.

Archive for the ‘Random Funny Shit’ tag

Denial of Service Attack

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An Oklahoma lawyer performed a successful denial of service attack against a courthouse:

The Rogers County Courthouse in Oklahoma closed early Monday due to bed bugs.

Rogers County Sheriff Scott Walton said a lawyer came up to a third-floor courtroom with bugs falling out of his clothing.

Courthouse officials had a meeting and decided to close the courthouse until the bed bugs were gone.

This might be a good card to keep in your back pocket in case you’re ever in court and want an extra day or two to get your defense in order.

Written by Christopher Burg

February 5th, 2019 at 10:30 am

Sometime to Amuse You

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Here’s something to amuse you, an opinion article written by a Transportation Security Agency (TSA) schmuck who thinks ordering people to throw away bottles of water and touching children is a tough job.

Though we’re just enforcing the rules that keep the public safe, most people treat us as the jerks who take away their nail clippers.

That’s because you are jerks who take away nail clippers.

Written by Christopher Burg

January 16th, 2019 at 10:30 am

The Hero We Need

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Gun buybacks are not only improperly named (you can’t buy back something you never owned in the first place) but they’re also pointless. However, they’re often good for a few laughs. Take this wonderful woman for example:

I love it when people blatantly mock government nonsense.

Written by Christopher Burg

December 20th, 2018 at 10:00 am

Helping

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I love having access to online satellite imagery. I can use it to find landmarks, interesting geological features, and military bases! That last item is why many nation states have developed a love-hate relationship with satellite imagery. While the technology is convenient for finding enemy military bases, it’s inconvenient because it allows the enemy to find your military bases.

Yandex decided it wanted to be helpful to several national militaries. Before making its satellite imagery publicly available, Yandex decided to blur out a bunch of military bases. However, in so doing it showed everybody exactly where a bunch of previously unknown military bases were:

A Russian online mapping company was trying to obscure foreign military bases. But in doing so, it accidentally confirmed their locations—many of which were secret.

Yandex Maps, Russia’s leading online map service, blurred the precise locations of Turkish and Israeli military bases, pinpointing their location. The bases host sensitive surface-to-air missile sites and facilities housing nuclear weapons.

The Federation of American Scientists reports that Yandex Maps blurred out “over 300 distinct buildings, airfields, ports, bunkers, storage sites, bases, barracks, nuclear facilities, and random buildings” in the two countries. Some of these facilities were well known, but some of them were not. Not only has Yandex confirmed their locations, the scope of blurring reveals their exact size and shape.

Whoopsie!

Written by Christopher Burg

December 13th, 2018 at 10:30 am

What’s Your Stance on the Second Amendment

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Them: “What’s your stance on the Second Amendment?”

Me:

Written by Christopher Burg

November 28th, 2018 at 11:30 am

Posted in Humor

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Voting Kills

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There are many reasons not to vote. One of the most notable is that voting is ineffective. But perhaps even higher on the list is that voting kills:

An 82-year-old great-grandmother from Texas voted for the first time ever during this year’s midterm elections. Gracie Phillips was battling pneumonia and in hospice care when she voted early Thursday. Sadly, just four days after casting her midterm ballot, Phillips died — but not before she had her voice heard and her opinion counted, her granddaughters told CBS News.

This woman voted for the first time in her life and just a few days later, BAM, dead.

Written by Christopher Burg

November 8th, 2018 at 11:00 am

Posted in Politics

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Intuitive Spell Checker

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It turns out that the spell checker on my new laptop is really intuitive:

It also turns out that when you accidentally have Firefox’s spell checker language set to English (Malawi), hilarity ensues.

Written by Christopher Burg

November 8th, 2018 at 10:30 am

Posted in Humor

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The Best Timeline

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Tuesday’s election resulted in a prisoner, dead pimp, and man with a thing for Bigfoot erotica all winning offices. We truly do live in the best timeline.

Written by Christopher Burg

November 8th, 2018 at 10:00 am

No Jury Will Convict Him

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There are certain crimes that are justified by the circumstances under which they were perpetrated. This is one of them:

A scientist accused of attempted murder in Antarctica stabbed his colleague because “he was fed up with the man telling him the endings of books,” it has been claimed.

Scientific engineer Sergey Savitsky, 55, became enraged and stabbed welder Oleg Beloguzov, 52, with a kitchen knife.

It is believed to be the first time a man has been charged with attempted murder in Antarctica.

I doubt that there’s a jury on the planet that will convict him.

Written by Christopher Burg

November 1st, 2018 at 10:00 am

Posted in Humor

Tagged with ,

If You’re Going to Go, Go All Out

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White smoke signals that the gender has been revealed.

Black smoke signals that the gender has not been revealed.

An off-duty border patrol agent wanted an explosive gender reveal party for his family and friends, but he ended up igniting a wildfire that spread to Coronado National Forest in Arizona.

Dennis Dickey, 37, of Tucson, Arizona, has to pay more than $8 million in restitution, starting with a $100,000 initial payment and monthly payments thereafter, the Department of Justice said in a statement.

Written by Christopher Burg

October 3rd, 2018 at 10:30 am