Environmental Extremism

So we’ve all come to an agreement that Mr. Environment who took over the Discovery Channel headquarters was just out and out bat shit crazy. He decided to focus that crazy on environmental issues and even wrote up a manifesto of sorts (which I’m not linking to because violent nut jobs get no link love from me). For shits and giggles I read through his manifesto and shortly after had to take a couple shots of vodka to prevent brain damage in the form of remembering anything from that manifest.

Alas what he wrote reflects ideas I’ve often heard spouted by environmental extremists. I’ve been trying to determine how a person can develop so much hatred for their own species that they believe the only way to save the planet is to wipe out the human race. What leads somebody to develop that view? That view requires self-hatred as you ultimately are stating you believe you should be dead.

Personally I like to look on the brighter side of things. To that end I’m presenting a series of solutions to the “population problem” as the wackos like to call it that don’t involved death camps and violence.

All of you environmentalists need to start donating money to companies researching practical space travel. If you believe the Earth is unable to support the human population then it’s time to relocated some of the people. Mars is another planet which in theory could be setup to support a large population of people. The sooner we get there and colonize it the sooner we reduce the population of Earth. As an added bonus Mars is already a lifeless wasteland so there isn’t a previous Mother Gaia to destroy. Seriously what could we do to Mars that the universe hasn’t done already?

There you go a non-violent means of reducing the population of the planet. Next up a peaceful solution to extinction. Although extinction is nature’s way of eliminating creatures unable to adapt to their changing environment some people believe the human race must be wiped out to save these creatures. Here is a better idea, cloning. Get a genetic sample of every creature you can and put some of your money into researching the science of cloning. Did your beloved Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal get wiped out by slash and burn operations in the Amazon? Good news with a genetic sample and proper research you can just make some more. Hell you could open a wildlife refuge dome on Mars for wayward animals and bring back all those species that nature decided no longer fit to survive. Hell if you want to seriously considering bringing back dinosaurs let me know and I’ll chip in some money.

Now if you’re an environmentalist reading this (why your reading this site and an environmentalist baffles my mind honestly) your next question will probably involve pollution. Due to our awesome ability to build shit the human race does create byproducts. Everything from sulfur in the atmosphere to mercury in the water are byproducts of industry. Remember the statement about colonizing Mars? We can move a ton of industry there as well. Think about it, who the fuck cares if we’re pumping shit into Mars’s atmosphere? We can’t breathe it and apparently nothing else living has found it useful enough to park their butts down on that planet. What’s a little more toxic material in the atmosphere on a planet who’s atmosphere is already deadly toxic? We could also setup orbital factories that could pump byproducts into space. I don’t care how many widgets you build, you’ll never be able to create enough particles of any pollutant to fill the massive vacuum that is space.

Instead of wasting your time with creeds an whining about how terrible the human race is and how great Mother Gaia is why not work to correct it in a peaceful and practical manner that may actually have popular support? Just imagine how much you could accomplish if you put all that time and effort into something useful instead of bitching and moaning?

Let’s all work together to make a better future… a future with bad ass space ships.