I Love Driving a Truck

Although I was rather foolish in my youth and decided my Ford Ranger had to have the biggest engine on Thor’s Earth there are some great advantages. My truck guzzles gas at a rather alarming rate giving a mear 17.5 miles per gallon (regardless if I’m driving on the highway or in the city which is strange). But it has a few advantages that make it worth driving.

The first and most obvious advantage is the fact that is pisses the greenies off. It makes me feel good driving a truck that makes every Earth first fucker out there hate my guts and want nothing more than my immediate demise. Those self righteous bastards need to be pissed off more often in my not so humble opinion.

The second advantage is the fact that I can actually get under the vehicle without the assistance of a hoist. Being I live in an apartment complex the facilities I have available to perform regular maintenance on my truck are limited. This isn’t that big of a problem because I can actually crawl under the truck without having to elevate it in any way and perform simple tasks like changing the oil. I did try the whole let-somebody-else-change-your-oil thing but that only resulted in the wrong oil filter being placed upon my vehicle. I’m usually the first to decry zero tolerance policies but when it comes to my truck I have zero tolerance for incompetence. The old phrase, “If you want something done right do it yourself.” rings just as true today as it did when the phrase was first stated. Likewise having somebody else change you oil is fucking expensive. I think I save the money I pay in gas on the ability to change my own oil.

I don’t think I even need to mention the fact that Minnesota winters are much easier to deal with when you have a vehicle that can go through everything Mother Nature throws at you. During one of the major blizzards last year I had no trouble traversing the snow covered roads while some of my friends had to call into work and tell their bosses they were unable to come in that day.

So even though trucks guzzle gas, which is getting more expensive by the day, I don’t think you’ll ever find me in a car. They may be fuel efficient but if your ride isn’t pissing off the greenies then you ride sucks.

3 thoughts on “I Love Driving a Truck”

  1. You would think that in Oregon driving my 06 4×4 diesel earthfucker would piss off the greenies up here but during the winter even they have to park their Prius & drive a 4×4 something (normally a BIG truck) so they can get to their Earth-first meetings!

  2. Being able to get underneath must also make it easier for you to scrape off the remains of the “SMART” cars that your Ford Ranger drives over.

    In my California town, we have several of these so-called “SMART” cars that are more akin to unarmored, underpowered, motorized skateboards, so I make sure to point and laugh at them. The smug occupants would be appalled by your vehicle at first and then crushed underneath, second.

    P (momentum) = M (mass) x V (velocity)
    That’s an equation to live, or die, by.

    1. You know what? I absolutely hate those SMART cars. I don’t think anybody understands the number of tires I’ve had to patch because one of those pesky little buggers found its way under my truck and a jagged piece of broken glass ended up in my tread. Thankfully nobody important is hurt in these inconvenient occurrences.

Comments are closed.