Tips For New Bloggers

Did starting a blog suddenly become the in thing to do? I’m asking this because several of my friends have started their own blogs within the last few months and one of them actually believes he’s going to make money on his writing endeavor. Although I feel my friend’s profit seeking mission will end only in failure I thought I’d try to help him out as well as any other new bloggers out there. In this post I will post my findings and observations as far as blogging is concerned.

First let me explain why those getting into blogging should take what I say about blogging seriously.

1. I’ve been blogging for a couple of years.
2. I’m now raking in thousands of dollars off of this site.
3. Respectable companies now give me products to review and look forward to my findings.
4. As you can see I’m an expect on webpage design.
5. My opinions are respected throughout the world due to this very site.

OK so only one of those five things is actually true (hint: the first one). But I believe blogging for a couple of years is as much as you can hope for when it comes to blogging credentials. These are my tips for making a successful blog.

Nobody cares about your personal life. Let’s just get that out of the way right now. Unless you’re a fucking Navy SEAL nobody is going to read a website that consists primarily of posts about your personal life. The reason for this is simple; your life is boring. Although there is no problem with slipping in some information related to your personal life once in a while it shouldn’t make up a majority of your posts unless your goal is to have a readership that is mostly made up of friends and family.

Update regularly. If you want people to visit your website then you need to give them a reason. Somebody who updates his website a couple of times a month isn’t likely to develop a reader base beyond the size of that local communist newsletter put out by the liberal arts student working in the basement at the A/V department of your college. My goal is to write a bear minimum of four new posts every weekday although I strive for more. This gives my meager readership something to come to my site for beyond the giant checks I send them to artificially inflate my numbers (note: if you’re not currently receiving a check then you’re not in the club and you’re not getting in so don’t ask). Overall I think this is the most important thing when creating a blog.

Express your opinion on the topics you write about. I know a lot of people complain that news in this country is too biased. Have you have stopped to ask yourself why such biases exist? It’s because nobody wants to watch, read, or listen to completely unbiased news. If you want to understand what unbiased news would be like pick up a scientific research paper and read through it; that’s as close to an unbiased news sources as you’re going to get and it’s damned boring. When people just want the news they can go get it elsewhere, when people want an opinion they turn to blogs. Be outspoken about your opinion because that’s what runnings a news sources is all about, just ask Benjamin Franklin.

Have fun. Seriously your blog shouldn’t exist to make money but for your personal amusement. If you aren’t having fun then you’re not going to update regularly and you’ll never establish a consistent readership base. Without a consistent reader base you’ll never be able to brag about the size of your e-penis which is really the only reason anybody posts anything on the Internet.

Don’t listen to other bloggers. Yup I made you wade through that entire series of text just to close by saying that you shouldn’t listen to me. Why is that? Because only you know what you want to do. Your blog should be fun for you and that means doing what you want to do. I’m also well aware of the fact that I’m an asshole, there’s no need to let me know.