You Might be a Terrorist

The New Jersey Department of Motherland Homeland Security has released a document that explains the signs of terrorism [PDF]. After reading this document I’ve come to realize that we all may be terrorists without even realizing it. Why? Because some of the signs of being a terrorist are:

Be alert to the indicators regarding actions, individual behaviors, personal interactions and social dynamics, vehicle characteristics and movements. Use your judgment in determining whether or not they are unusual or suspicious in your community or work environment. Be wary of people who depart quickly when seen or attempt to conceal something. Look for signs of nervousness in the people you come in contact with. Signs will become particularly evident in a person’s eyes, face, neck, and body movements. The following is a list of things to look for:


  • Glances: directions, duration, timing
  • Wide open “flashbulb eyes”
  • Cold penetrating stare
  • Trance-like gaze

Face and Neck

  • Exaggerated yawning when engaged in conversation
  • Protruding or beating neck arteries
  • Repetitive touching of face, tugging on or covering ears
  • Increased breathing rate, panting
  • Excessive fidgeting, clock watching, head turning


  • Pacing or jumpy
  • Trembling
  • Unusual perspiration
  • Goose bumps
  • Rigid posture with minimal body movements and arms close to sides

Basically everybody who has ever shown signs of nervousness is a potential terrorist. Another way to detect a terrorist is to look for common equipment used by their kind:

Individuals may be observed:

  • Drawing or taking pictures in areas not normally of interest
  • Taking notes or annotating maps
  • Sitting in a parked vehicle

Some of the tools terrorists might use during surveillance include:

  • Cameras- video, still, or panoramic
  • Laptop computers or PDA’s (Personal Data Assistants)
  • Diagrams or maps
  • Binoculars or other vision-enhancing devices
  • GPS (Global Positioning System) devices

Not only is every person who has ever been nervous a potential terrorist but so is every tourist. Russia Today has a list of potential terrorists that you should be on the lookout for.

Just in case this document gets thrown down the memory hole I’ve uploaded a copy here.

2 thoughts on “You Might be a Terrorist”

  1. I wonderr if any of them have seen a smart phone which has everything but the binoculars covered in the list of tools. So an ornithologist working from his vehicle annotating a map for data keeping purposes who happens to be sleepy must be a terrorist.

    1. That guy who was riding his bike on trails for three hours is also a terrorist. Don’t give me that shit that he’s exhausted because he’s been riding for three hours, he has a map and that means he’s obviously a terrorist!

Comments are closed.