An Offer to Peacefully Secede

A politician from Texas has asked gun owners to punish themselves for something they didn’t do:

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas) on Wednesday afternoon urged people to turn in their guns, arguing it would be an appropriate response to last week’s mass shooting in Newtown, Conn.

“I would personally just say to those who are listening, maybe you want to turn in your guns,” Jackson Lee said on the House floor. “Oh no, I’m not going to take your guns. But look at what Dick’s Sporting Goods did … they wanted to be part of the solution and part of America.”

Let me get this straight… if I don’t turn in my guns then I’m not part of the solution and therefore not part of America? Deal! If I can secede from this country by the simple act of keeping my firearms then I’m entirely on board. Of course I have some demands that must be met before I sign the contract. First, I must be guaranteed that I won’t be subjected to state violence. I don’t expect the state to “protect” me but I also demand that my secession be allowed to happen peacefully. Second, I will no longer be expected to pay taxes. This is part of what secession means, I won’t partake in state services and the state won’t steal wealth from me. Third, the state must make no attempt to take my property. This agreement is based on my act of keeping property and I demand that the state not attempt to take it by force after the fact.

I’m sure you will find these terms agreeable Mrs. Lee. Please mail the necessary forms to my address so that we can get this underway.

EDIT: 2012-12-27: 11:01: I originally referred to Sheila Jackson as a senator, which was incorrect. Thanks goes to Mike for pointing it out.