Safe Mountain Biking May Require a Permit in Minnesota

The state seems to have it out for every one of my hobbies. Between guns, the Internet, and lasers I’m finding the things I enjoy running up against the state’s tyranny at regular intervals. Yesterday at the Minnesota State Capitol there was a hearing on HF0308, which would require an individual to acquire a permit before purchasing body armor. How does a regulation applying to body armor affect any of my hobbies? Read the vague definition of body armor used in the bill:

(b) “Body armor” means a personal protective body covering, worn alone or as a complement to another product or garment, that is designed and made of any material or combination of materials to prevent, resist, deflect, or deter the penetration of the material by a dangerous weapon.

Because I don’t enjoy being injured I wear protective gear on my head, arms, and legs when I go mountain biking. My forearm and elbows are covered by a piece of armor as are my knees and shins. Those pieces of armor are made from a material designed to “prevent, resist, deflect, or deter the penetration of the material by a dangerous weapon.” You’d find yourself having a very hard time getting a knife through those pieces of armor. Considering the purpose of the armor is to prevent sharp objects from penetrating my arms and legs when I fall it makes sense that they would also protect against dangerous weapons. If this legislation were to pass, and I actually gave two shits what the law said, I would be required to pay $100.00 every five years to acquire a permit that would allow me to wear my mountain biking armor without it being considered a gross misdemeanor. Fortunately I don’t care what the law says so I’d merely be a criminal mountain biker, which sounds bad ass enough that it has to get my chicks (If my girlfriend is reading this I just want her to know I’m joking).