Must Have Been a Contortionist

There has been a small trend of instances where detainees have been cuffed, placed into the back of cop cars, and ended up shooting themselves. We can now add another occurrence of this strange phenomenon to the list but this time more than just speculation stands against the cop’s story:

A coroner’s report obtained exclusively by NBC News directly contradicts the police version of how a 22-year-old black man died in the back seat of a Louisiana police cruiser earlier this year — but still says the man, whose hands were cuffed behind his back, shot himself.

In a press release issued March 3, the day he died, the Louisiana State Police said Victor White III apparently shot himself in an Iberia Parish police car. According to the police statement, White had his hands cuffed behind his back when he shot himself in the back.

But according to the full final report of the Iberia Parish coroner, which was released nearly six months later and obtained exclusively by NBC News, White was shot in the front, not the back. The bullet entered his right chest and exited under his left armpit. White was left-handed, according to family members. According to the report, the forensic pathologist found gunshot residue in the wound, but not the sort of stippling that a close-range shot can sometimes produce. He also found abrasions on White’s face.

I’m shocked that the officer’s version of the story didn’t hold up. After all it’s perfectly reasonable to believe that a person was handcuffed, almost certainly searched, and placed into a cop car only to have smuggled in a firearm in his ass so he could pull it out if captured and execute himself. What part of that story isn’t completely plausible?

Now we wait to see what comes of this information. My guess is jack shit. The officers that arrested the man and potentially shot him will probably remain on duty and the media will fail to report further on this fiasco. Then if riots erupt in the area the cops will claim they have no idea why it did and call in the storm troopers to violently suppress the rioters.