New Social Media Site for the Rest of Us

Are you sick of seeing people on your social media sites buying cheap, tacky Rolex watches? Do you wonder why you have to suffer through posts of friends posting their shitty Ferrari (seriously, couldn’t they afford a real car)? Do you tire of Facebook and Twitter showing you pictures of puny yachts? Are you simply sick and tired of the problems of poor people appearing in your social media feeds? Well I’ve got good news for you, there’s a new social media site that will free you from all of this drudgery:

For a cool $9,000 first-year membership fee (and $3,000 a year every year after that), high-rollers can crowdsource names for their yachts or complain about having to fly commercial to a like-minded, sympathetic audience. Netropolitan is billing itself as “the world’s most exclusive online community,” one that will allow “affluent and accomplished individuals worldwide to socialize in a completely private and secure manner.” With the hefty subscription prices, Netropolitan can afford to be ad-free. And the posts will be moderated by the company’s own “professional moderators.”

$9,000 for the initial year and $3,000 for every year after that is a positive steal for getting away from Facebook and Twitter and their poor pauper users. Never again will you have to be burdened by the pathetic annoyances of serfs. So run along and join your diamond encrusted circlejerk today!