Wet Willies Now Felony Assault

Wet willies are a schoolyard prank that are likely older than schools themselves. As far as I know nobody has actually been injured, killed, or made ill as a result of a wet willy. But none of that matters because the rules in this country are made up and the punishments never match the crime. A Mankato man gave an officer a wet willy and is now facing felony assault charges:

A wet-willy has landed a man in trouble with police.

Police told our sister station in Mankato that 24-year-old Riley Swearingen put his pointer finger in an officer’s ear while waiting in line for a bus early Saturday morning.

Since it involved bodily fluids, police say it rises to the level of felony assault.

I’m surprised the officer didn’t simply stream “Office safety!” and gun the man down. I guess arresting him and charging him with felony assault does count as restraint in this wonderful police state of a country.