Republicans in Oklahoma, like Republicans in a lot of other states, know the source of this country’s woes. It’s not a dying economy or the perpetual state of war, it’s homosexuals. To fight against this scourge they have been busy trying to get amendments to state constitutions prohibiting same-sex marriages. They’ve also been busy rewriting marriage laws when they fail to prohibit same-sex marriage hard enough. In Oklahoma they are trying to ban the recognition any secular marriage certificates:
House Bill 1125, sponsored by Republican State Representative Todd Russ, is a radical measure that would end secular marriage licenses in the state. In addition, the bill would bar all judges and other secular officials from performing marriages in Oklahoma.
Under the legislation, atheists and others not wanting to be married by a religious official could file an affidavit through the court clerk’s office claiming a common-law marriage.
But there’s a flaw in this plan. I happen to be a Discordian pope and one of my official pope powers is to create new popes. I hereby offer to make anybody living* in Oklahoma an official pope so they can issue marriage certificates. Since they would be popes they would also be able to define what sorts of marriages they would be willing to recognized.
* Any Discordian knows this is a unnecessary offer since every man, woman, and child is already a pope.