A lot of libertarians who went through the Republican nomination process in a futile attempt to get Ron Paul nominated have been pointing out Rand’s chances are basically nil. But the nomination process isn’t the only thing that may stop Rand’s campaign in its tracks. He has a wily competitor for president and that competitor has a secret weapon:
Vermin is also known for using his fairy dust to turn democratic presidential candidate Randall Terry gay back in 2012. Odds are good Rand is aware of this tactic, and that may be his motivation to keep Vermin away. In an interview this afternoon, Vermin acknowledged it’s possible that Rand fears being turned gay, and would not comment on whether he has any fairy dust in his possession, calling that a “closely held secret.” Rand better hope Vermin isn’t holding any fairy dust. He can’t afford to go gay, as he’ll lose his base of conservative homophobic anti-gay marriage supporters and thereby any shot at winning the primary.
Being turned gay by Vermin Supreme (and let’s be honest, almost any man would turn gay for Vermin Supreme) would not only end Rand’s presidential run but his political career. There are two things that will ensure the Republican Party base won’t support you: being gay or Muslim.
With that said it’s nice to see Vermin Supreme entering the race once again. He’s the only presidential candidate I’m willing to endorse. Although I’m wary of his dental reeducation camps his promises of zombie power and free ponies are needed if this nation is to rise to glory. I doubt any other candidate stands a chance against him and am willing to call it now: Vermin Supreme will be the next president of the United States (so long as Emperor Norton allows it, of course).