Your Government Doesn’t Love You – Page 137

It’s Good to Be the King

As Mel Brooks told us in History of the World: Part I, it’s good to be the king:

When you’re the king you get to enjoy a lot of benefits that mere serfs do not. For example, you don’t have to deal with traffic because you can just shutdown entire stretches of highway that you want to drive on. It doesn’t matter if you’re traveling on it during the weekend or rush hour because you get to tell all of the little people to get the fuck off of your road. And if a woman is apparently in labor that’s just too fucking bad for her:

A pregnant woman in labor Wednesday afternoon reportedly was not allowed to cross the street to get to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center by authorities in Los Angeles because President Obama’s motorcade was going to come through the area.

I guess she should have went into labor after the king left. Hopefully she learned her lesson and will plan accordingly next time!

Federal Government Gave Local Gangs Military Equipment

Fellow denizens of Minnesota, and me neighbors in North Dakota, we are facing a major problem. The federal government has been caught providing military equipment to local gangs:

The department got the 3-ton Humvee about three years ago through a federal program that provides local police departments and state agencies with military weapons and equipment no longer needed or used in the global war on terror.

A total of 1,549 weapons or other equipment — with an estimated value of about $3 million — has been distributed in North Dakota over the past decade by the U.S. Department of Defense’s Defense Logistics Agency. More than 8,500 items have gone to law enforcement agencies in Minnesota.

The equipment ranges from night vision goggles and gun silencers to mine-resistant ambush-protected armored vehicles, better known as MRAPs.

I’m not sure what the federal government’s thinking here. Arming violent gangs who are eight times more likely to kill you than terrorists is not an effective method to fight terror. It is however a good way of perpetuating terror. Having a bunch of thugs roll up to your house in a Humvee at two in the morning, kick in your door, shoot your dog, and kidnap you is certainly a terrorizing situation and one that happens far more frequently than attacks by foreign terrorists.

Also, as a side note, when the fuck will I legally be allowed to buy a suppressor in this forsaken state? If people with a history of performing violent acts can have them then why can’t nonviolent people like me have them?

The Government is Even Incompetent at Things It Used to Do Well

Governments are good at much but there are a few things they excel at. Killing people is one of those things. You only have to look at the number of people killed in democides to see how ruthlessly efficient government are at killing people. But the government seems to be slipping as it can’t even execute a man properly:

US death row inmate Joseph Wood has died after an execution in Arizona took nearly two hours to kill him.

[…]

The execution should have taken 10 minutes, his lawyers said, but Wood, 55, gasped more than 600 times before he died.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened in recent memory. No wonder it’s approval rating is in the shitter, it can’t even do the one job it’s supposed to be good at effectively!

Speed Limits

This month the men and women of Minnesota’s various police departments have been holding one hell of a fundraiser in the form of speed traps. They’ve been using the tagline “There’s not excuse for speeding.” And they’ve been covering billboards, newspaper pages, and other advertising space (with our tax dollars no less) with propaganda about the dangers of speeding (the ads are kind of like reefer madness but less entertaining).

Do you know what fucks up traffic flow? People who don’t drive with the flow of traffic, which is always above the posted speed limit because those posted speed limits are bullshit and the state knows it. This shouldn’t surprise anybody though. Who knows the maximum safe operating speed of a stretch of road better than the people who drive it twice a day, five days a week as they go to and from work? Posted speed limits are the product of arbitrary decisions made by people sitting in marble buildings who have no idea what the maximum safe speed on a random stretch of road they’ve never driven on is. Flow of traffic is the result of people who have a great deal of experience driving on a stretch of road doing so at the maximum speed they know to be safe.

You’re a Terrorist and You’re a Terrorist and You’re a Terrorist; We’re All Terrorists

Since it’s existence was confirmed people have been wondering exactly a person had to meet to be added to one of the government’s terrorist watchlists. The most transparent government in history has remained tight lipped about the criteria claiming it would be a threat to national security. So we’ve been left to guess and ponder. That is until now:

The “March 2013 Watchlisting Guidance,” a 166-page document issued last year by the National Counterterrorism Center, spells out the government’s secret rules for putting individuals on its main terrorist database, as well as the no fly list and the selectee list, which triggers enhanced screening at airports and border crossings. The new guidelines allow individuals to be designated as representatives of terror organizations without any evidence they are actually connected to such organizations, and it gives a single White House official the unilateral authority to place “entire categories” of people the government is tracking onto the no fly and selectee lists. It broadens the authority of government officials to “nominate” people to the watchlists based on what is vaguely described as “fragmentary information.” It also allows for dead people to be watchlisted.

The Intercept managed to get a hold on a complete copy of the guidebook and release it in its entirety to the public [PDF]. It’s a sizable document and I haven’t read through the entire thing. What I have read indicates that it’s a legalese justification for basically putting anybody on the terrorist watchlist without worrying about pesky things like due process or evidence. In fact it’s an easy list to get onto but not an easy list to get off of:

The difficulty of getting off the list is highlighted by a passage in the guidelines stating that an individual can be kept on the watchlist, or even placed onto the watchlist, despite being acquitted of a terrorism-related crime. The rulebook justifies this by noting that conviction in U.S. courts requires evidence beyond a reasonable doubt, whereas watchlisting requires only a reasonable suspicion. Once suspicion is raised, even a jury’s verdict cannot erase it.

The only way you’re leaving this list is in a box. Just kidding, even being dead isn’t a good enough reason to be removed from the list:

Not even death provides a guarantee of getting off the list. The guidelines say the names of dead people will stay on the list if there is reason to believe the deceased’s identity may be used by a suspected terrorist–which the National Counterterrorism Center calls a “demonstrated terrorist tactic.” In fact, for the same reason, the rules permit the deceased spouses of suspected terrorists to be placed onto the list after they have died.

What this leak does is confirm most of the suspicions us crazy libertarians have had for a while now: the United States is without a shadow of a doubt a police state. Secret lists of people of interest that require no due process to get on and are practically impossible to get off of (after all, the government wouldn’t suspect you of wrongdoing if you weren’t doing something wrong) have been a favorite tool of especially tyrannical states since, most likely, the beginning of states.

Papers Please

One of my biggest gripes with the whole “illegal” immigrant issue is that those arguing for stronger enforcement against people born outside of this country are necessarily arguing for the establishment of a police state (which we already have so they’re really arguing for an even more tyrannical police state). In order to ensure only citizens and “legal” immigrants are in this country there needs to be a way to identify them and a way to verify their identities. That necessity leads to shit like police checkpoints where everybody has to present their papers for inspection:

The speed limit drops to 35 mph, the first warning of the upcoming checkpoint. All vehicles must stop. Drivers must use low beams. Wray pulls up along a string of neon-orange cones. “Slow down, slow down,” she says. “Hmm. I don’t see anybody. Today might be a lucky day. I don’t see anybody. Maybe they are in the car? Oh, there they are.”

A stocky uniformed man emerges from a shaded hut on the edge of the road and crosses to Wray’s window.

“How you doing?” he says, peering into the pickup.

“Doing good,” she says.

“U.S. citizens here?” the Border Patrol agent questions.

“U.S. citizens,” Wray says.

The agent nods, steps back and beckons us onward.

Wray exhales deeply, loosens her grip on the steering wheel, and presses on the gas.

A frontier war is being waged in southern Arizona, but it’s many miles north of the Mexico border. People are fed up with the immigration checkpoints. A round-the-clock U.S. Border Patrol presence at the checkpoints means that American citizens must endure inspection when they commute to work or run errands; every major road has one of these blockades.

I’m old enough to remember when people used the existence of checkpoints in the former Soviet Union as evidence that the nation was suffering under a tyrannical regime. Now we have the exact same shit here. Between citizenship checkpoints, sobriety checkpoints, and random police checkpoints setup when officers are looking for a suspect we have plenty of opportunity to emulate Soviet citizens by presenting our papers to thugs with badges. I guess checkpoints have gone from tyrannical to free now that we have them because I don’t hear as many people bringing them up as evidence of tyranny anymore.

Some people less apt to bow down to authority figures my contest the legality of these citizenship checkpoints. But Tuscon exists in the “Constitution free zone” where we have even fewer privileges than normal. In all probability these checkpoints are completely legal due to where they are because this is the land of the free.

Meet the New Narrative

I remember not too long ago when everybody was beautiful. At least that’s what we were told to say. We were told to say this because eating disorders were becoming a thing of concern, predominantly with girls who believed they were fat. But the narrative has changed. Now we’re all a bunch of fat fucks who are too stupid to buy food without being patronized by our grocery carts:

The panel came up with six preferred strategies: discount coupons for SNAP recipients; rebates of up to $60 for healthy purchases on EBT cards; buy one get one free deals for SNAP recipients; a targeted marketing plan to promote healthy food; a USDA loyalty card; and new specialized shopping carts.

The “MyCart grocery cart” would provide dividers for shoppers to make sure they are selecting enough items in each “MyPlate” category, the USDA’s food icon.

“MyCart is a nonfinancial approach that would use behavioral economics to encourage healthier purchases by any consumer, including SNAP participants,” the report said.

The cart would be color-coded, physically divided, and have a system installed so that when the shopping cart reaches its healthy “threshold” it would congratulate the customer.

“The algorithm would group the purchases to classify them using the MyPlate designations and to provide consumers with a message of support or encouragement (e.g., “You achieved a MyCart healthy shopping basket!”),” the report said.

As with most things, this idea is being aimed first at people on government assistance. It’s an easy category to target since the government can justify its targeting by claiming that it’s footing the bill. But it also knows that grocery stores aren’t going to ask customers if they’re shopping with food stamps and, if so, give them a different cart. Instead grocery stores would be more apt to just make every cart a “MyCart” or whatever other stupid patronizing name the government comes up with for its program.

I often wonder if the government’s sudden push to call us all a bunch of fat fucks is causing or will cause an uptick in the number of people with eating disorders. Maybe that’s the plan. After all, the government only cares about the statistics. It doesn’t matter to the bean counters if there are less obese people due to healthier eating and more exercise or anorexia.

Prepare to Pay More for Your Subjugation

Fellow slaves I have some unfortunate news. The Transportation Security Administration (TSA), which enjoys a monopoly on airport security (either directly or by having to approve any alternative security system), has decided to raise its prices:

— Airline passengers at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) and airports across the U.S. are going to have to pay a little more starting Monday.

KNX 1070′s Ed Mertz reports the Transportation Security Administration fees tacked on to tickets are going up to $5.60 for all flights.

After Monday $5.60 of your ticket will go towards funding the TSA’s programs to confiscate any containers that can store over 3 oz. of liquids, steal things from your checked baggage, have perverts look at your naked body with a scanner, sexually assaulting you if you don’t want to go through a scanner, and verbally harassing you if they believe you look suspicious or an agent is just having a bad day.

While $5.60 doesn’t sound like much it is an absurd charge once you actually consider what that money is going towards.

Marketing Guns to Children Canard

There are two ways to drum up strong political support for your cause: tie to to fighting terrorism or saving the children. Gun control advocates sometimes dabble in the former but their bread and butter is the latter. With their recent slew of defeats the gun control bunch have decided to play its hand at “saving the children” again but pushing legislation that would prohibit anybody from “marketing firearms to children”:

(a) Conduct Prohibited.–Not later than one year after the date of the enactment of this Act, the Federal Trade Commission shall promulgate rules in accordance with section 553 of title 5, United States Code, to prohibit any person from marketing firearms to children. Such rules shall include the following:

(1) A prohibition on the use of cartoon characters to promote firearms and firearm products.

(2) A prohibition on firearm brand name merchandise marketed for children (such as hats, t-shirts, and stuffed animals).

(3) A prohibition on the use of firearm marketing campaigns with the specific intent to appeal to children.

(4) A prohibition on the manufacturing of a gun with colors or designs that are specifically designed with the purpose to appeal to children.

(5) A prohibition on the manufacturing of a gun intended for use by children that does not clearly and conspicuously note the risk posed by the firearm by labeling somewhere visible on the firearm any of the following:

(A) “Real gun, not a toy.”.

(B) “Actual firearm the use of which may result in death or serious bodily injury.”.

(C) “Dangerous weapon”.

(D) Other similar language determined by the Federal Trade Commission.

I think Tam summed it up best:

Look, if you think that the firearms industry is actually spending advertising dollars to market its products to a demographic that is going to save enough quarters from their allowance to buy a Glock, toddle into the gun shop, reach up on tiptoe and slide their piggy bank across the counter, only to be told “Sorry, kid, you gotta be 21 to buy that“…

This is just another piece of meaningless legislation. Its only purpose is to make up a currently nonexistent problem and then claim to fix it. Gun control advocates are pushing it because it gives them grounds for demonizing gun owners by pointing to the make believe problem of gun manufacturers marketing to children and then claiming that gun owners directly fund it.

It’s really just another variation of “having a gun control conversation”. When a gun control advocate says they want to “have a conversation” what they really mean is that they want a gun owner to say something that can be taken out of context and used to demonize gun owners everywhere. If a conversation doesn’t give the gun control advocates their desired sound bite they just claim that the gun owners refused to “have a conversation”, which is an insinuation that the gun owner isn’t a reasonable person and is entirely unwilling to discuss methods of keeping guns out of the hands of dangerous people.

As despots through out have learned, if you can’t win with facts you try to demonize your opposition.

Minneapolis Police Department Created More Aggregate Demand for Dog Breeders

From my understanding there is a bit of a rivalry between the Minneapolis and St. Paul police departments. Not wanting his department to be outdone by the St. Paul department in creating aggregate demand for dog breeders a brave soldier of the Minneapolis department stepped up to the plate and executed a family pet:

In the alley, Tito — a nearly two-year-old, 120-pound Cane Corso — approached an officer who was still hunting for the car theft suspect. The officer ended up opening fire and killing Trott and Lyczkowski’s beloved dog.

“I ran out the door and was hollering for him,” Trott tells us. “I didn’t get halfway to the gate when you could hear the officer yell, ‘Stop!’ He just yelled ‘Stop!’ and shot him and that was it.”

St. Paul is still in the lead but I’m sure another fine soldier of the Minneapolis Police Department will find a litter of puppies to execute, which would put his department ahead of St. Paul’s.

Not surprisingly the officer was quick to jump on the “You weren’t here, man. You don’t know what went down!” justification:

“The only thing [cops] kept saying is, ‘You weren’t here, you don’t know what’s going on, you don’t have time to discern pet from animal and in our mind they’re just animals,'” Trott says. “It was, shoot first, think later. You know, I understand where they’re at — I worked four years for the Illinois Department of Corrections as a correctional officer. But [Tito] had a collar, tags, and he’s clearly not a stray.”

This has become the police officers’ equivalent to the Obama supporters’ race card. And like that race card this “You weren’t there, man!” card has worn thin. The officer apparently said that he didn’t have time to discern pet from animal but if you’re using a firearm you better be 100 percent sure of your fucking target. Shooting a dog or person because you didn’t have time to discern the situation is not an acceptable excuse. If needing to identify targets before deploying lethal force is too rigorous for you then you shouldn’t be a police officer.

Whenever I mention these strange views I hold somebody invariably falls back to the polices’ other favorite excuse, officer safety. They claim that officers have to be given considerably leeway in these matters because “They’re putting their life on the line to save ours!” I’m sorry but that’s a bullshit excuse as well. Most of an officer’s time is spent extorting the citizenry by issuing speeding tickets and parking violations, arresting people participating an mutually agreed to transactions that the state has declared prohibited, and kidnapping people who have failed to give the state a cut of the action. The lives saved by police officers seems to more and more be a happy accident than purposeful action, which makes sense since saving lives seldom results in more funding for a department. Maybe if today’s police spent most of their time saving lives I’d be willing to cut them a bit of slack but they don’t so I’m not.

Hopefully our society will eventually stop shielding police officers from the consequences of bad actions. Until then aggregate demand for dog breeders will continue to increase.