It’s Official I’m a Domestic Terrorist According to the FBI

I hate not knowing something. For instance I’m pretty sure I’m on several secret government watch lists but being those lists are secret the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) refuses to tell me. Thankfully Oath Keepers was able to obtain a list [PDF] published by the Colorado FBI that describes what behavior identifies a terrorist. Let’s see how many items I hit on this thing.

Provides identification that is inconsistent or suspect demands identify “privacy”

I’m emphasizing the parts of the selected bullet points that relates to me. One thing I do demand is privacy and part of that means I’m none to willing to provide my identification unless I absolutely have to.

Insists on paying with cash or uses credit card(s) in different name(s)

I love paying for things using Federal Reserve notes, it makes me feel all shady and terroristy.

Makes suspicious comments regarding anti-US, radical theology vague or cryptic warnings that suggest or appear to endorse the use of violence in support of a cause

Although the non-bolded section doesn’t apply to me at all I do make many comments that could be considered anti-US… government. As agents of the government wrote this list it’s likely they consider any speech critical of the federal government as falling under the first part of this bullet point.

Makes bulk purchases of items to include:

I’ll just say yes to this entire section without actually stating the things I make bulk purchases of. I would like to meet the person who makes bulk purchases of night vision devices, because the last time I checked night vision devices were expensive.

Four of the bullet points on this list relate to me which almost ensures that I’m on a government watch list. Woohoo I’m important enough that the government is going to keep a continuous eye on me instead of worrying about violent individuals! I feel so special.