Category: Darwin's Duty

It Appears As Though You Haven’t Thought Your Clever Plan Through

Here is a story implementing a really bad idea via Dvorak Uncensored. It appears as though police officers are going to stage break ins. Yes police officers are going to break into the homes of citizens to raise awareness of burglaries. I see all sorts of bad things coming from this. See people don’t take kindly to strange people breaking into their homes in the middle of the night. Often when a person encounters the stranger they decided to perforate that individuals with gun fire… oh wait this is happening in England. Yeah never mind, capital idea there Bobby.

Always Carry in a Holster

Says Uncle brings us a story where the moral of the story is if you’re carrying make sure your noise maker is in a holster. Mitchum Patterson didn’t follow this precaution and suffered a negligent discharge. Worse yet he was illegally carrying the gun on school grounds which of course should be impossible since it’s a gun free zone. Here is the situation:

A Dallas Independent School District maintenance worker is recovering at Parkland Memorial Hospital after shooting himself with a gun he carried onto an elementary campus.

Here is how it happened:

Mitchum Patterson, 52, shot himself accidentally in his right thigh as he bent over inside a maintenance closet at Umphrey Lee Elementary School. The employee, who has worked at DISD for 14 years, had the loaded gun tucked in his pants.

Here is what he’s facing:

DISD police plan to charge Patterson, who has been suspended from his job, with a third degree felony once he is released from the hospital.

Patterson could face two to ten years in prison and a fine of up to $10,000 if convicted. However, judges have the right to give probation in some cases.

And to think that could be have been voided by a $10.00 Uncle Mike’s holster. But the absolute best quote in this article is:

“It was crazy because our kids are here,” said Laquecia Smith, a parent. “It’s supposed to be a gun-free zone. You see the signs up and down the street.”

Wait you mean those signs can’t actually enforce themselves? OH SHIT! WARNING! People CAN bring guns into gun free zones! How is this possible? THERE ARE SIGNS!

Deer Hunt Themselves for You

This kind of story can only occur in the area where I grew up (Viroqua, WI is very close to my home town in southeastern Minnesota). A deer picked a fight with the wrong elk costing that daring deer it’s life. From the story:

A love-struck buck ran out of luck a week ago. The seven-point buck was killed when it rammed a 640-pound concrete statue of an elk in the backyard of Mark and Carol Brye’s home in rural Viroqua.

That’s right deer will hunt themselves for you. Yes after it’s death the deer was tagged:

Brye claimed the buck with a tag from the Vernon County conservation warden. He laughed at the warden’s tag note: “lawn ornament fight – lost.”

This even is a reminder that humans aren’t the only species Darwin’s ghost is watching over. But on a serious note the challenging deer did get a good strike against the elk:

“The statue is OK, but the antlers broke off when it tipped over,” Brye said. “One side of the antlers is in one piece, but the other side is in five pieces.”

Seriously this story is too funny.

Alcohol and Guns, Don’t Use Both at the Same Time

Wow some people are fucking idiots. I present exhibit one here. I’m not going to say anything until you read this:

Timothy William Pollard, 37, and friend Robert Knorr, 28, were playing with the gun Sunday night after a full day of drinking. Pollard had about six beers, a couple shots at a bar and then another beer at home.

I bet you can guess where this is going:

Pollard had taken the handgun and pointed it at Knorr. Pollard told police he thought the safety was on as he pulled the trigger once and it just clicked, the Greeley Tribune reported. So he pulled the trigger again, shooting Knorr.

This should bring a couple points to bear. First booze and guns are not good bed fellows. If you want to drink leave the gun, if you want to carry the gun don’t drink (and before somebody says something this has nothing to do with being able to carry guns in places that serve booze, you should be allowed to do that so long as you don’t drink). The second point is you never, EVER, point a firearm at another individual unless it’s in self defense. The gun is always loaded, plain and simple (somebody is going to quote Gabe Suarez’s remark about two people verifying it’s empty, I don’t care the only safe bet is not to cover another person with your barrel ever).

And to top it all off these clowns are from my state.

Be Sure of Your Target

One of the rules of firearm safety is to be sure of your target. Well apparently that rule applies to piracy as well. A group of Somali pirates screwed up big time when they attacked a French naval vessel thinking it was a cargo ship. From the article:

“Once they realised they were facing a ship that was responding and was heading towards them, they stopped shooting and attempted to flee,” he said.

“The Somme gave chase and intercepted one of the pirates’ boats. All the weapons had apparently been tossed into the sea and the suspected pirates are now being held on board the Somme.”

So yeah if you plan on plundering ships on the high seas of Somalia you may want to make sure your targets are unarmed merchant ships. This story exemplify arming ships and their crews though. It seems the Somali pirates aren’t as inclined to board a ship when they are being shot at. Who would have guessed?

Bad Advice is Bad Advice

I found a story involving bad advice on John C. Dvorak’s blog. Apparently Aspen, Colorado has a bear problem. The bears are moving in and feeding off of the trash of the local human population. Of course this means they are getting used to humans which is what the local officials don’t want. Here is their advice:

They are now actively telling residents to be, literally, mean to the bears. Yell at them, throw rocks and if they charge you, stand up to them. “You want to be as big, as large as possible, and you always want to fight back with a black bear,” said Hampton. Black bears tend to be timid and are generally not aggressive.

Yeah that’s right piss off a bear. Sure black bears will normally run but I certainly don’t want to be on the business end of those claws and teeth should they decide to call my bluff. If I’m going to stand my ground against a bear of any sort I will do it holding a gun in my hand. So if it’s OK to shoot the bear I’ll stand up to it, otherwise my route of action will involve going inside and placing a call to the local animal control center.

Advising people to throw rocks at a charging bear is idiotic and irresponsible. Chances are if it’s charging you it’s pissed off enough where getting pelted by rocks isn’t going to ward it off.

Proving Once Again Guns and Booze Don’t Mix

Found this one via the Smallest Minority. Some moron proved once again why you never handle firearms while under the influence of drugs, even alcohol:

Sheriff Glenn Boyer said that on Friday, deputies responded to 4307 Rock Valley Court in Imperial for a shooting. Investigators found 40-year-old James Looney with a gunshot wound to the head.

Wait for it:

Deputies believe alcohol was involved.

Seriously any time your drinking Darwin’s ghost is going to be hovering over your shoulder just waiting for the proper time to strike. The second you decide to drink while driving or wielding a firearm he’s most likely going to make his presence known to you in the only manner he knows how, natural selection.

Real Gun vs. Nail Gun

A funny story from Says Uncle. A moron in Jacksonville, Florida entered a bar waiving around a nail gun. The bar tender took this act as a robbery attempt and responded in kind. The nail gun wielding individual received rounds from a real gun and died on the spot.

Remember when it’s a battle between a nail gun and a real gun the real gun will always win unless there is some fluke.