The War on Climate Change

The United States likes to declare war on everything. We have the War on Poverty, the War on Drugs, and the War on Terrorism. Now Defense Secretary Leon Panetta is working hard on declaring a war on climate change:

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta declared global warming a national security threat yesterday during a speech before an environmentalist group in Washington, D.C.

“The area of climate change has a dramatic impact on national security,” Panetta told the Environmental Defense Fund last night. “Rising sea levels, severe droughts, the melting of the polar caps, the more frequent and devastating natural disasters all raise demand for humanitarian assistance and disaster relief.”

I’m sure a Global Warming Enforcement Agency is being created and drones are being deployed to bomb those who working to forward global warming. Those who deny global warming or release research demonstrating global warming as a fallacy will likely be arrested and tossed into federal prisons.

When Did Being a Skeptic Become Insult Worthy

Although I generally like to avoid giving much time to Al Gore’s apocalypse I have to say I really don’t understand one thing about its proponents. Namely the use of the word skeptic as a form of insult. Those who believe in anthropomorphic global warming climate change global climate disruption Al Gore’s apocalypse throw the term skeptic at those who dare not agree with the proponents’ beliefs.

Perhaps it’s because I come from a scientific background but I have always seen skepticism as a positive trait found in people who refuse to believe the claims of others simply because those others said they were trustworthy. Global warming skeptic doesn’t ring as an insult in my book but as a complement. It’s the same as saying a person who refuses to believe others without first analyzing the evidence for themselves.

I say our world could use a lot more skepticism. When the state tells you we need to go to war with Eastasia people should be skeptical. If somebody says that the government should confiscate your firearms for the good of society people should be skeptical. Skepticism is good and I think much of the world’s problem would be far more manageable if people would stop simply believing others without fist looking at the evidence for themselves.

Should We Fear Global Cooling Now

Global warming is the single largest threat to the human race! It’s going to kill us all! Won’t somebody use a monopoly on the initiation of force to make polluters stop before the turn the Earth into a second sun? Wait… what’s that? There is a new study that is talking about the cooling affect of Asia’s pollution? Well what the Hell? Obviously somebody is wrong somewhere:

The paper raised the prospect of more rapid, pent-up climate change when emerging economies eventually crack down on pollution.

World temperatures did not rise from 1998 to 2008, while manmade emissions of carbon dioxide from burning fossil fuel grew by nearly a third, various data show.

The researchers from Boston and Harvard Universities and Finland’s University of Turku said pollution, and specifically sulphur emissions, from coal-fueled growth in Asia was responsible for the cooling effect.

Can’t you people make up your minds? When I started school I remember hearing how the next ice age was imminent and it was implied the human race would be devastated. After a while the problem became acid rain which was going to eat us all alive in five years if we dared to step outside. Then it became global warming climate change global climate disruption. Now we’re going back to the threat of a new ice age again? Seriously can you prophets of doom and disaster please make up your fucking minds on what apocalyptic scenario we’re going to be facing during the end times?

How about this for a wake up call? We don’t understand our planet well enough to know what is and isn’t normal. This doesn’t apply only to weather but to every aspect of our planet’s ecosystem. On top of that anthropomorphizing these end of times scenarios speaks most to our overly inflated egos. We claim the human race is responsible for everything yet lack any solid scientific evidence that demonstrates most of these claims. I’m waiting for the day when research has demonstrated that there is a 99% chance that aliens exist because they are using a global heat increasing decreasing death ray to wipe us all out.

Before we start demanding the government use violence for force people to reduce specific types of pollutants maybe we should first ensure we have a proper understanding of what is going on.

Let me also bring up a final note before some asshole comments about how I’m not properly understanding the story and its implications. Much of my writing is semi-satirical and over-exaggerated on purpose. I realize many of the statements I make are over-simplifications but that’s not from my lack of understanding research papers and articles but because I’m trying to make a specific point. In this case that point is the science is still undecided when it comes to human involvement in climate yet people are asking governments to use violence to force people to reduce the output of specific chemicals.

This article has little to do with the topic of climate-whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-call-it itself. If you want that type of content read Borepatch as he often posts very good articles involving that topic. There I just saved you a ton of typing you were about to do because you felt somebody was wrong on the Internet. Feel free to post a thank you for reducing the amount you needed to type though.

Bugger Off Mother Nature

If driving my truck causes global warming as Al Gore keeps claiming I’m going to start driving more. Here in Minnesota we just got down with weather involving temperatures in the 50s and now we’re looking at a foot of snow. Did I also mention that we’re under a flood warning to boot? Mother nature sure is doing her damnedest to kill Minnesotans.

Where the Hell is that global warming Gore has been promising?

Save the Planet, Kill a Few Million People

Our species must be the only one in the universe with enough intelligence to be stupid enough to desire extinction. Take for instance the greenies who are make claims that our existence is destroying the planet. For me the best solution is to research space exploration so we can get off of this rock which will lessen the number of people on the planet an ensure our species will not be wiped out by a random Earth killing event (and seriously who the fuck cares if we pollute Mars, it’s a dead world). The greenies on the other hand cheer horrible massacres like Gehngis Khan’s slaughter of millions as being green:

Unlike modern day climate change, however, the Mongol invasion actually cooled the planet, effectively scrubbing around 700 million tons of carbon from the atmosphere.

So how exactly did Genghis Khan, one of history’s cruelest conquerors, earn such a glowing environmental report card? The reality may be a bit difficult for today’s environmentalists to stomach, but Khan did it the same way he built his empire — with a high body count.

Over the course of the century and a half run of the Mongol Empire, about 22 percent of the world’s total land area had been conquered and an estimated 40 million people were slaughtered by the horse-driven, bow-wielding hordes. Depopulation over such a large swathe of land meant that countless numbers of cultivated fields eventually returned to forests.

Wow. Notice the wording? It may be hard to stomach? Notice nowhere in the article does the author actually proclaim the slaughter of 40 million people was a bad thing? Notice how the author of the study picked an event that happened long ago instead of something more recent such as Stalin’s purges or Hilter’s Holocaust? Both of those events killed millions which would have lead to similar events of Genghis Khan’s reign.

Just remember the only way to stop global warming climate change global climate disruption is to kill untold millions. Of course the ones proclaiming these things won’t start things off by ending themselves and leaving the rest of us in peace.

Screw Environment, Receive Beef

Some hippy fuck did a study showing that insects produce less carbon-dioxide per kilogram of meat than cattle. Being this person is a greenie communist they came to the conclusion that we should start farming insects for meat production instead of cows.

Here’s the thing, we don’t farm insects specifically because they don’t taste like beef. If bugs tasted like beef we’d be eating them as well but they don’t taste that awesome so we let them go mostly unmolested by our grills. If you want to raise a more “sustainable” form of meat breed it to taste like a fucking cow and we’ll open negotiations.

You greenies can go fuck yourselves. First you want to take my truck away because it produces too much CO2, then you want to take away my bullets because they contain lead which hasn’t been shown to poison anything but you claim it does, and now you want to take my primary food source and starve me to death? Well fuck you just… fuck you. I’m going to go idle my truck for a couple of hours just to offset the CO2 reduction you’re trying to make by farming insects.


Did you hear? We received snow… a lot of snow. This shouldn’t be too surprising since this is the state of Minnesota but we always get a little concerned when two and a half feet of snow pile on in one day. This lead to all sorts of fun and games.

First the roads obviously became practically impossible to drive on. I’m not talking a little difficult, I’m talking so bad that the country pulled the snow plows off of the streets. The local metro buses halter operations leaving at least one of my friends stranded at work. Local light rail was bogged down because of the additional passengers and the accumulation of snow on the rails. The Minneapolis airport shut down for a while until they were able to get one runway going partially (they would run it for half and hour, spend 20 minutes clearing it off again, then run it for another half hour). Something akin to 600 people went off of the road throughout the state. Hell the mail wasn’t even delivered in some areas. Basically it was a bad snow storm here in Minnesota.

Summing it up in words really doesn’t do it justice so here are pictures. Everybody on my Facebook feed was also talking about something related to vikings. I’m not sure what they meant but I think it was this song:


On a positive note when snow like this falls Minnesotans usually come together to assist one another. I think everybody I know helped at least two other motorists dig their vehicles out (I almost did but the guy I was going to help was a rude asshole so I left him there). Neighbors with snow blowers went to clear the driveways of their neighbors who had only shovels. A lot of people went on retrieval missions to get friends and families unstuck. And of course everybody enjoyed the pleasure of the police being unable to enforce many stupid laws (for instance a fun sport when the police are stuck and unable to respond is to get on a snowboard, hook up to a four wheel drive vehicle, and go wake boarding).

It’s weather like this that also reminds me why I drive a truck. Yeah my Ranger only gets 17.5 miles per gallon on the highway but when you kick it into four wheel drive that truck will tear through almost anything. Having roughly nine inches of ground clearance also helps.

The entire event can be summed up with the following phrase, global warming is bullshit (seriously when can we get some of that sweet sweet global warming?) and fuck you Al Gore for getting our hopes up!

Global Warming Will Kill Your Children

At least that’s what the following very gory advertisement I found via Dvorak Uncensored seems to indicate:


Basically the global warming climate change disruption activists who made this film are saying we either do as they say or they’ll blow our children up. If you’re squeamish the video involves a teacher in a classroom lecturing her students on “saving Mother Gaia.” When the children question her she pushes a button and literally blows the student up. Yes the teacher blows the student up for questioning her authority.

Personally I don’t take kindly to threats and hence will continue driving my truck that gets 17 miles per gallon on the highway. I’m also looking into developing a reverse catalytic converter that will increase emissions from my vehicle. Take that you bastards!