Category: Humor

Playing the Bankers’s Game

It is becoming more difficult to see the line that divides legitimate bankers from loan sharks. Between one-sided mortgage terms and interest rates on credit cards that would make a loan shark blush it’s pretty obvious that the banks have simply because another apparatus to separate people form their money. Ironically bankers don’t like it when somebody plays their game against them:

The idea of beating the banks at their own game may seem like a rich joke, but Dmitry Agarkov, a 42-year-old Russian man, may have managed it. Unhappy with the terms of an unsolicited credit card offer he received from online bank Tinkoff Credit Systems, Agarkov scanned the document, wrote in his own terms and sent it through. The bank approved the contract without reading the amended fine print, unwittingly agreeing to a 0 percent interest rate, unlimited credit and no fees, as well as a stipulation that the bank pay steep fines for changing or canceling the contract.

Agarkov used the card for two years, but the bank ultimately canceled it and sued Agarkov for $1,363. The bank said he owed them charges, interest and late-payment fees. A court ruled that, because of the no-fee, no-interest stipulation Agarkov had written in, he owed only his unpaid $575 balance. Now Agarkov is suing the bank for $727,000 for not honoring the contract’s terms, and the bank is hollering fraud. “They signed the documents without looking. They said what usually their borrowers say in court: ‘We have not read it,’” Agarkov’s lawyer said. The shoe’s on the other foot now, eh?

Mr. Agarkov, I salute you.

Asking the Important Questions

I’ve mentioned my love of newspaper opinion sections before. Those sections give a rare glimpse into the thoughts of the some of the most… interesting individuals in an area. Here in Minnesota opinion sections are often filled with some of the most insane rants known to man. Thankfully, in all of the insanity, one man has risen to ask an important questions:

Did the City Council’s actions opposing preserving marriage make the citizens of Duluth vulnerable? Duluth suffered a flood six months later, on June 17, 2012. Instead of accepting the truth that the City Council’s unnatural actions contributed to the city’s vulnerability, it was chalked-up to a bad infrastructure or global warming.

I once knew a guy who cheated on his wife. Years later the east coast was hit by a super storm. Did the man’s infidelity make the east cost more vulnerable?

Product Recall

Here’s a product recall I think everybody should know about:

WASHINGTON—Citing a series of fatal malfunctions dating back to 1777, flag manufacturer Annin & Company announced Monday that it would be recalling all makes and models of its popular American flag from both foreign and domestic markets.

Representatives from the nation’s leading flag producer claimed that as many as 143 million deaths in the past two centuries can be attributed directly to the faulty U.S. models, which have been utilized extensively since the 18th century in sectors as diverse as government, the military, and public education.

The Onion is awesome.

When Bureaucracies Collide

Bureaucracies tend to be monstrous abominations that force us to fill out needless paperwork in triplicate just to gain the privilege of filling out more needless paperwork in triplicate. Joy can seldom be found through bureaucracies but when two of them collide they can be very entertaining. When Snowden fled to Hong Kong the United States attempted to extradite him. The Hong Kong government had little interest in sending Snowden back so it looked over the extradition paperwork to find an error that would allow Hong Kong to reject the request. As it turns out, a minor error existed and it may be the thing that allowed Snowden to flee:

According to multiple reports, it was in large part Beijing’s decision to let Snowden leave Hong Kong. But at the very least the US middle-name mix-up provides Hong Kong with a solid diplomatic excuse.

The red tap of bureaucracy has its advantages once in a while.

A Better History Lesson

The history that is taught to children today leaves out all of the good parts. For instance, the Founding Fathers weren’t law abiding citizens of the British Crown, they were law breakers who became sick of Britain’s shit. Needless to say this video does a better job of portraying the Founding Fathers (and Abraham Lincoln, I’m not sure how he received the title of Founding Father but I don’t care) than any history book I’ve read:

Protecting Society from Violent Psychopaths

One of the unfortunate facts in any society is that there are always a few violent psychopaths. Fortunately our society has developed a relatively effective means for the good people in society to protect themselves from the violent psychopaths. The most important aspect in any defensive situation is awareness, you must be able to identify a potential attacker. If you’re able to identify your potential attack soon enough you can usually avoid them entirely.

To facilitate identification and, hopefully, avoidance our society has taken as many violent psychopaths as can be identified and issued them special costumes and badges. Upon seeing an individual wearing one of these official costumes and badge you should do whatever is in your power to avoid contact. If you are unable to avoid contact there is a high probability that one of these violent psychopaths will attack you with a blunt weapon, electrical discharge device, or a firearm. They are also prone to firing upon canines so take extra precautions when walking your dog.