Tag: Random Funny Shit

Stubbs for Mayor

I’m sure everybody is aware of my distain for authority and especially political figures. I can happily say that I’ve finally found a politician that I can support, Stubbs the cat:

TALKEETNA, Alaska — A cat named Stubbs has been the mayor of Talkeetna for nearly all of his life — no joke.

It’s been that way for more than a decade in the small tourist town that boasts nearly 900 residents.

[…]

As the story goes, 15 years ago several of the town residents didn’t like the candidates who were running for mayor of Talkeetna, so as a joke, they encouraged enough people to elect Stubbs the cat as a write-in candidate, and he actually won.

Now, thanks to Stubbs, local tour guides have a little fun with the thousands of tourists who come through the town each summer.

A small mammal that generally keeps to itself, is incapable of using force to coerce you into actions you don’t want to take (seriously, if a cat can coerce you then you’ve got issues), and eats rodents that periodically attempt to damage your property and pilfer you food, what’s not to like? On top of that he also boosts tourism so is actually brining money to the community (as opposed to take it from the community as most mayors do). It is my hope that more municipalities will find wisdom in the actions of Talkeetna, Alaska and vote cats into political office.

About that Crown

Obama (and, let’s face it, every president before him) has been wielding executive orders like they’re going out of style. Congress has done a little pissing and moaning but otherwise have been entirely complicit. This combination has basically made the Office of the President a royal position, a king.

All that work the fighters of the Revolutionary War did to overthrow the king has been entirely undone and we’ve effectively returned to a monarchy. All is not lost though, in fact there is a major advantage to monarchies.

The best thing about a monarchy is that everybody knows who to blame. Democracies and republics appear to be designed in such a way as to push blame around so the people can never figured out who screwed them. Look at popular conservative sites, they blame Obama for everything. The popular progressive sites blame the republican controlled congress for everything. When there is an actual king the people blame him for everything. The English Civil War was sparked because people were pissed and the monarch was the target of their aggression. Likewise, the French Revolution was started under similar circumstances. The American Revolutionary War was also started by people upset with a king.

When there is a monarchy and things go bad the people get shit done. Arguing about who brought unfavorable conditions upon the people is unnecessary, there is only one man in charge.

Finally stating the obvious, that the United States isn’t a representative republic but a form of monarchy may be advantageous. I’m willing to give it a try, let’s issue the crown and see where we end up.

Do Not Kill Registry

Get you name on the Do Not Kill Registry before Obama puts it on his kill list. Just keep in mind that getting on the Do Not Kill Registry does not guarantee you’ll be spared by the war monger currently occupying the White House:

Disclaimer: Adding your name to the ‘Do Not Kill’ Registry does not guarantee that you will not be the target of a drone strike but only that an additional review process will be undertaken before you are labeled an enemy militant and added to the national kill list.

Don’t Kill Me, Bro

Obama has a fancy little kill list where he can put the names of people he doesn’t like and they will be struck down by a drone whenever a pilot gets around to it. Considering Obama has ordered the deaths of two American citizens it’s apparent that there needs to be some kind of protection, perhaps a Do Not Kill list:

The New York Times reports that President Obama has created an official “kill list” that he uses to personally order the assassination of American citizens. Considering that the government already has a “Do Not Call” list and a “No Fly” list, we hereby request that the White House create a “Do Not Kill” list in which American citizens can sign up to avoid being put on the president’s “kill list” and therefore avoid being executed without indictment, judge, jury, trial or due process of law.

Go sign the petition. Yes, it will be entirely ignored but it would be hilarious to read the White House’s response to it.

Objectivist-C

As most of you probably know I write software. Consequentially I’m always looking for new languages to learn and I think Objectivist-C may be something worth putting time and effort into. Some unique features in Objectivist-C are:

In Objectivist-C, there are not only properties, but also property rights. Consequently, all properties are @private; there is no @public property.

In Objectivist-C, each program is free to acquire as many resources as it can, without interference from the operating system.

Unfortunately I hear the specification is extremely long.

My Modest Proposal

Every election seems wrought with accusations of corruption. The Republicans blame the Democrats and the Democrats blame the Republicans. Accusations of the Federal Elections Commission (FEC) being controlled by the Republican and Democrat parties and therefore biased against third-parties are often brought up. Republicans tell their supporters to be election judges to protect against tampering by Democrats while Democrats tell their supporters to be election judges to protect against tampering by Republicans. The losing party in an election will often accuse the winning party of committing election fraud and begin an expensive recount and possible court battle.

It’s easy to see why all of these accusations are thrown around, both parties are extremely biased. As a general rule it’s a bad idea to have biased entities in control of events they have vested interests in. Having political parties in control of elections is a recipe for disaster and that diaster hurts the genera populace more than anybody. These squabbles almost always end in expensive state solutions, court battles, and recounts. None of those actions are productive in any way yet syphon money from other state tasks like building drones and enforcing decrees that prohibit victimless crimes.

Since I hate seeing inefficiency and suffering I have a moderst proposal of my own, put us anarchists in charge of running elections. As a general rule we don’t really care about elections, we realize that we’re going to get fucked either way. Whether a Republicrat or a Depublican win is irrelevant to us. For many of us elections are mostly a form of amusement, similar to baseball, and the outcome truly has no consequence.

You don’t have to worry about us being biased against third-parties because we usually have more in common with third-parties than the Republican and Democratic parties. There is no need to worry about doling out more campaign money to one part over another because we don’t want to give any money to any party. Voters can rest assured that nonpartisans are overseeing each polling place and counting the votes. We can’t be accused of committing election fraud to ensure victory for our candidate because we don’t have a candidate. It’s win/win for everybody involved, with the possible exception of us but we’re willing to make a few sacrifices to help alleviate your suffering because we’re generous and kind.

Recking the Establishment’s Day

Ron Paul supporters in several Minnesota congressional districts have had great luck usurping power from the establishment. This brings joy to my heart because it acts as a thorn in the side of the neocons; neocons like my new favoritest candidate ever, Lynne Torgerson:

On Saturday, April 14, 2012, I attended the Republican 5th Congressional District Endorsing Convention.

There was a stage at the front of the room. Approximately 6 people were seated on the stage. Every person seated was a Ron Paul Libertarian. The Convention was overrun by Ron Paul Libertarians. More than 2/3 of the delegates were Ron Paul Libertarians. When I mentioned that we were at a Republican Convention, they laughed out loud.

Torgerson hates libertarians because we oppose everything she stands for such as killing people overseas, the abolition of state controlled marriage, and religious freedom. I’m sure if Torgerson were allowed to have her way all the non-Christians in the United States would be rounded up into concentration camps and gases. Thankfully she can’t have her way because the American people still aren’t ready to get behind ideas as bat shit crazy as what this woman is advocating.

I love the fact that delegates outright laughed at her when she said they were at a Republican convention. Guess what? It’s not a Republican convention is the Republican Party doesn’t hold the power. So what outrageous acts did the “Ron Paul Libertarians” pull with their newly found powers? Did they make everybody swear a blood oath to Odin? Did they demand everybody dance around like monkeys? As far as Torgerson is likely concerned they did far worse:

They began the Convention. There was no opening prayer. Not even a mention of it.

No opening prayer? You mean a non-religious convention didn’t try to inject religion into itself? That’s crazy! What’s next? A convention that doesn’t begin with a reading from a physic book? After all physics has an equal place to religion in a political convention.

It gets better:

There was also no Pledge of Allegiance to the US flag.

Good. Let me state something that is likely to piss a few people off: I will never cite the Pledge of Allegiance, I hate the Pledge of Allegiance. When I say this I’m usually met with numerous comments about how treasonous my distain of the Pledge is. You want treasonous? How about mindlessly reciting a pledge written by a socialist to build nationalism:

The Pledge of Allegiance was written in 1892 by Francis Bellamy (1855–1931), who was a Baptist minister, a Christian socialist, and the cousin of socialist utopian novelist Edward Bellamy (1850–1898). The original “Pledge of Allegiance” was published in the September 8 issue of the popular children’s magazine The Youth’s Companion as part of the National Public-School Celebration of Columbus Day, a celebration of the 400th anniversary of Christopher Columbus’s arrival in the Americas. The event was conceived and promoted by James B. Upham, a marketer for the magazine, as a campaign to instill the idea of American nationalism by selling flags to public schools and magazines to students.

The Pledge of Allegiance was a marketing ploy to instill nationalism. Since nationalism is one of the planks of fascism I’m not too fond of practicing it. Furthermore I’m none too inclined to recite a piece of propaganda written by a socialist. Hey Lynne Torgerson, how does if feel to be outraged by people not wanting to recite socialist propaganda? Does is hurt? I hope it hurts, I hope it hurts like fucking Hell.

Eventually the Pledge was recited, but with a little twist:

Then, a man up front stood up and requested that we recite the Pledge of Allegiance. But alas, upon looking around, there was not a flag to be seen.

Then, a clown came forward, dressed in garb, with a very large hat, that somewhat resembled a flag. In Wikipedia, wearing a flag is a form of flag desecration. Wikipedia states the following:

It is increasingly common to see clothing with the image of the flags forming a substantial part of the piece. Views vary as to whether some of this is an act of disrespect.

Such actions may be undertaken for a variety of reasons:

– As a protest against a country’s foreign policy.
– To distance oneself from the foreign or domestic policies of one’s home country.
– As a protest at the very laws prohibiting the actions in question.
– As a protest against nationalism.
– As a protest against the government in power in the country, or against the country’s form of government.
– A symbolic insult to the people of that country.

So it appears that this person was wearing the US flag in order to desecrate our flag.

Wearing an image of the flag is desecration? Really? Then a huge number of Americans are walking around desecrating the flag right now. In fact people I often shoot with, people who are ultra nationalistic, are desecrating the flag every time I see them. Either that or these people are trying to display their patriotism, and we all know how much Torgerson loves patriotism.

The clown in the flag suit then went up front and stood on the stage. We were then led in the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. Stunning. To me this seemed a further desecration of the US flag and the Pledge of Allegiance. I refused to participate.

So much hilarity. Politics to me, and to many libertarians, is nothing more than a form of sick amusement. We use it to entertain ourselves and thus little stunts like this are always likely when libertarians are able to sieze control of political events. Honestly, I want to give a round of applause to the people who made this possible, if it pissed Torgerson off this badly it was worth every drop of sweat it took to accomplish it. Torgerson also got pissy because the delegates pressent at the convention didn’t want to waste their time listening to her crazy shit:

There were going to be 3 candidates allowed to speak. I was told a couple of days before the Convention by Adam Weigold, Chair, that I would be allowed an unlimited amount of time to speak. The first candidate allowed to speak, Chris Fields, a Libertarian, was allowed an unlimited amount of time. I was then asked by Chris Sinn, a Libertarian, how long my speech would take. I had prepared a 30 minute speech. I told Chris the length of time I expected my speech to take. They knew that I was going to criticize the Libertarian platform, and expose that Chris Fields is actually a Libertarian, and expose his positions, etc. Chris Fields has been trying to pass himself off as a moderate Republican, and has avoided taking any positions in public or on his website. Juliette Jordahl, a Libertarian, then quickly brought a motion to limit my speech to 10 minutes. It passed. I am currently reading a book, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. One of the first things the Nazis did was to outlaw speech criticizing the Nazis.

Let me state for the record that Chris Sinn isn’t a real person. I know several people who attended that convention and nobody by the name of Chris Sinn was present. Making up a person is a common mistake made by those who hear voices in their heads.

For those of you who haven’t attended political conventions it should be noted that the majority really does rule. If a delegate makes a motion, receives a second, and get a majority to vote in favor of that motion it’s done. In this case the “Ron Paul Libertarians” conspired against Torgerson to cut her crazy talk time down to 10 minutes, a conspiracy that will probably add to her paranoid tendencies. Heck the “Ron Paul Libertarians” were probably conspiring with the gay libertarian islamist extremist terrorists! They’re probably all out to get her!

I wonder how her 10 minutes of public crazy time went:

During my presentation, as mentioned above, they laughed out loud when I mentioned that we were at a Republican Convention. The mention that the Constitution did not protect homosexual behavior brought jeers. I also mentioned that Chris Fields has said that Saddam Hussein got a bad deal, that he applauds Keith Ellison’s representation of Muslims, that he thinks our cherished US Constitution is not perfect, that he supports gay rights legislation, and that he would not protect Life with legislation.

Wait… she actually things our “cherished US Constitution” is perfect? That’s rich, heck that’s downright hilarious! If the Constitution was prefect our country would be the fascist state it currently is.

The United States Constitution isn’t perfect, it’s nowhere near perfect. Sure, it’s a damned side better than the constitutions of many other countries but perfect it isn’t. Speaking of the Constitution let’s see if her claim that it doesn’t protect homosexual behavior holds true.

No, it doesn’t. Funny enough it also doesn’t protect heterosexual behavior. So, according to Torgerson’s “logic”, we could ban heterosexual marriages since the Constitution doesn’t specifically protect such practices. I’m down with that. Let’s ban all forms of marriage in this country for the lulz and to shove Torgerson’s “logic” down her throat. The real money quote is yet to come:

I mentioned that President and General George Washington did not advocate pot smoking and that if he did, we probably would not have won the American Revolutionary War.

Checkmate:

George Washington raised large quantities of hemp. So did Thomas Jefferson, James Madison and virtually every other 1700s American farmer.

It is also highly likely at least some of them smoked its potent sibling, now known as marijuana.

Back in George Washington’s time smoking marijuana wasn’t seen as some kind of dirty activity performed only by lowly criminals. So it’s unlikely George Washington would have opposed marijuana, making Torgerson’s statement idiotic… which is par for the course when she’s talking. The crazy isn’t quite done yet:

Jacquelyn America proudly mentioned more than once that she has been working with the Somali community.

I’m not sure what Jacquelyn did, nor if her last name is really America, but I fail to see how working with the Somali community could possibly be seen as a ding against her. Does Torgerson believe the Somali immigrants are somehow diry, evil, or otherwise undesirable? Oh, that’s right, many of them are Muslims and Torgerson believes the Muslims are out to impose Sharia law upon the entire country! No, I’m not making that up.

I really hope this woman continues to campaign because her crazy has given me a great deal of amusement.