Nothing Says Secure Communications Like a Backdoor

Since Snowden released the National Security Agency’s (NSA) dirty laundry security conscious people have been scrambling to find more secure means of communication. Most of the companies called out in the leaked documents have been desperately trying to regain the confidence of their customers. Google and Apple have enabled full device encryption on their mobile operating systems by default, many websites have either added HTTPS communications or have gone to exclusive HTTPS communications, and many apps have been released claiming to enable communications free from the prying eyes of Big Brother. Verizon decided to jump on the bandwagon but failed miserably:

Verizon Voice Cypher, the product introduced on Thursday with the encryption company Cellcrypt, offers business and government customers end-to-end encryption for voice calls on iOS, Android, or BlackBerry devices equipped with a special app. The encryption software provides secure communications for people speaking on devices with the app, regardless of their wireless carrier, and it can also connect to an organization’s secure phone system.

Cellcrypt and Verizon both say that law enforcement agencies will be able to access communications that take place over Voice Cypher, so long as they’re able to prove that there’s a legitimate law enforcement reason for doing so.

Security is an all or nothing thing. If you implement a method for law enforcement to access communications you also allow everybody else to access communications. Backdoors are purposely built weaknesses in the security capabilities of a software package. While developers will often claim that only authorized entities can gain access using a backdoor in reality anybody with the knowledge of how the backdoor works can use it.

Matters are made worse by the fact that law enforcement access is the problem everybody is trying to fix. The NSA was surveilling the American people in secret. A lot of people have also been questioning the amount of surveillance being performed by local law enforcement agencies. Since there is a complete absence of oversight and transparency nobody knows how pervasive the problem is, which means we must assume the worst case and act as if local departments are spying on everything they can. Tools like the one just released by Verizon don’t improve the situation at all.

Monday Metal: I, Caligvla by Ex Deo

Metal, surprisingly to many, is one of the nerdiest genres of music out there. Entire bands are dedicated to writing songs about science fiction, history, and even The Lord of the Rings. This is probably why I love it. As a history nerd and a metal head I really enjoy bands that combine the two (which I generically refer to as history metal).

Last week I came across Ex Deo, a side project by the lead singer of Kataklysm. Sadly on permanent hiatus the band released two albums that focused exclusively on Roman history. The songs I’ve heard from Ex Deo so far are really fucking badass. My favorite is I, Caligvla (tru kvlt spelling):

Encryption as Agorism

Encryption as agorism is something I’ve been thinking about recently.

Agorism, at least in my not so humble opinion, involved both withholding resources from the state and making the state expend the resources it currently possesses. Bleed them dry and not allow a transfusion if you will.

Widespread surveillance is relatively cheap today because a lot of data is unencrypted. This is unfortunate because encryption greatly raises the resources necessary to implement a widespread surveillance system.

Let’s assume the conspiracy theorists are correct and the government is in possession of magical supercomputers derived from lizard people technology. Even with such a magical device the cost of breaking encryption is greater than the costs of viewing plaintext data. In order to even know whether or not encrypted data may be useful you must decrypt it. Until it’s decrypted you have no idea what you’ve collected. Is it a video? Is it a phone call? Is it an e-mail? Who knows!

Now let’s look at reality. Even if the state possesses powerful computers that can break encryption in a useful amount of time those systems aren’t cheap (if they were cheap we would all have them). Any system dedicated to breaking a piece of encrypted data is unable to be used for other tasks. That means the more encrypted data that needs to be broken the more supercomputers have to be operated. And supercomputers take a ton of power to operate. On top of that you also need cryptanalysts with the knowledge necessary to break encryption and they don’t work cheap (nor are they in abundance). Because encryption is constantly improve you need to keep those cryptanalysts on hand at all times. You also need coders capable of taking the cryptanalysts’ knowledge and turning it into software that can actually do the work. And I haven’t even gotten into the costs involved in maintaining, housing, and cooling the supercomputers.

The bottom line is using encryption can certainly be seen as a form of agorism if you’re operating under a surveillance state like we are in the United States. Spying on individuals using encrypted data requires far more resources than spying on individuals using plaintext communications. Therefore I would argue that agorists should work to ensure as much data as possible is encrypted.

At Least It’ll Be a Legal Surveillance State Now

A lot of people arguing against the National Security Agency’s (NSA) mass surveillance apparatus are doing so by pointing out its illegal nature. The Fourth Amendment and a bunch of other words of pieces of paper have been cited. It looks like our overlords in Washington DC have finally tired of hearing these arguments. They’re now using their monopoly on issuing decrees to make state spying totally legal in every regard:

Last night, the Senate passed an amended version of the intelligence reauthorization bill with a new Sec. 309—one the House never has considered. Sec. 309 authorizes “the acquisition, retention, and dissemination” of nonpublic communications, including those to and from U.S. persons. The section contemplates that those private communications of Americans, obtained without a court order, may be transferred to domestic law enforcement for criminal investigations.

To be clear, Sec. 309 provides the first statutory authority for the acquisition, retention, and dissemination of U.S. persons’ private communications obtained without legal process such as a court order or a subpoena. The administration currently may conduct such surveillance under a claim of executive authority, such as E.O. 12333. However, Congress never has approved of using executive authority in that way to capture and use Americans’ private telephone records, electronic communications, or cloud data.

There you have it, all those arguments about NSA spying being illegal can finally be put to rest!

This is why I don’t hold out any hope for political solutions. So long as you rely on your rulers to define what is and isn’t legal you are forever at their mercy. And they are very interested in keeping you under their boots. But technical solutions exist that can render widespread spying, if not entirely impotent, prohibitively expensive. Many have pointed out to me that if you are targeted by the government you’re fucked no matter what. That is true. If the government wants you dead it’s well within its power to kill you. The task is not to save yourself if you are being targeted though. What cryptography tools do is keep you from being a target and raising the costs involved in pursuing you if you become a target.

It costs very little for agencies such as the NSA to slurp up and comb through unencrypted data. Encrypted data is another story. Even if the NSA has the ability to break the encryption it has no way of knowing what encrypted data is useful and what encrypted data is useless without breaking it first. And breaking encryption isn’t a zero cost game. Most people arguing that the NSA can break encryption use supercomputers as their plot device. Supercomputers aren’t cheap to operate. They take a lot of electricity. There are also the costs involved of hiring cryptanalysts capable of providing the knowledge necessary to break encryption. People with such a knowledge base aren’t cheap and you need them on hand at all times because encryption is constantly improving. The bottom line is that the more encrypted data there is the more resources the state has to invest into breaking it. Anonymity tools add another layer of difficulty because even if you decrypt anonymous data you can’t tie it to anybody.

Widespread use of cryptography makes widespread surveillance expensive because the only way to find anything is to crack everything. Political solutions are irrelevant because even if the rules of today make widespread surveillance illegal the rulers of tomorrow can reverse that decision.

Confederate Flags are Stupid, United States Flags are Stupid, All Flags are Stupid

It’s amazing how much drama can be caused by a colored piece of cloth. If you live in the United States there is a particular colorization that is either rallied behind or cursed. That colorization is the flag of the Confederate States of America.

One side believes the flag represents states’ rights, small government, and just secession. The other side believes the flag represents slavery. Both sides provide good arguments but I have to agree with this article. If you’re flying a Confederate flag you are an asshole. But I won’t stop there. I also believe flying a United States flag makes you just as much of an asshole. Why? Because the United States has done some downright atrocious shit. It all but wiped out the indigenous people of this continent, put Japanese Americans into camps, actually used nuclear weapons against civilian targets, has the highest slave prison population in the world, and is actively bombing people in the Middle East just because.

Flags, at least ones that represent states, are stupid:

flags

A state flag is a representation of subjugation. It is a symbol of one group of people holding power over everybody else. The United States flag, for example, symbolizes the handful of individuals who inhabit the marble buildings of Washington DC. With little more than strokes of their pens they issue decrees that are backed at the barrel of a gun. But they try to convince people that the flag represents freedom. What freedom is there in a system where a handful of individuals hold power over everybody else?

So go ahead, keep arguing about which flag is better. And while you’re at it you might as well argue whether Stalin or Pol Pot was a better human being. In either case you’re arguing trivialities that miss the big picture.

The Circular Logic of Objectivism

Objectivists are interesting individuals. They like to stand on their soapboxes and talk about logic and reason. What they don’t talk about is the fact that they use both circularly. And if you disagree with the teachings of Objectivist Jesus John Galt, a wholly fictional character, they will put you on their enemies list and bring the entirety of their impotent rage against you.

Since time immemorial, that is to say since around the middle of the 20th, Objectivists have been engaged in a holy war with anarcho-capitalists. Taking pot shots at one another has become the traditional pass time of both Randians and Rothbardians. The only difference is that the Randians constantly use circular logic and quote fictional characters while the Rothbardians derived their ideas from praxeology.

Although I now consider myself an anarchist without adjectives (except when I don’t) I came to anarchism through anarcho-capitalism. Because of that I inherited the love of making fun of Objectivist circular reasoning. And boy did I come across a goldmine of hilarity. Meet Harry Binswanger, an Objectivist contributor to Forbes. He recently decided to pen an article explaining why capitalism needs government. Keeping with Objectivist tradition the article goes all Ouroboros with its reasoning (after, of course, quoting poorly written fiction to setup his case):

Force properly employed is used only in retaliation, but even when retaliatory, force merely eliminates a negative, it cannot create value. The threat of force is used to make someone obey, to thwart his will. The only moral use of force is in self-defense, to protect one’s rights.

It is only as retaliation that force may be used and only against the man who starts its use. No, I do not share his evil or sink to his concept of morality: I merely grant him his choice, destruction, the only destruction he had the right to choose: his own. He uses force to seize a value; I use it only to destroy destruction. A holdup man seeks to gain wealth by killing me; I do not grow richer by killing a holdup man. (Atlas Shrugged)

You know that you’re in for a good time when Atlas Shrugged is being quoted as gospel. Now here Objectivists, anarcho-capitalists, and basically any philosophy that falls under libertarianism agree. Using force is only legitimate in self-defense. Anarcho-capitalists refer to this as the non-aggression principles. Objectivists, I believe, refer to this as the Gospel of Galt. But this is where any agreement between the two breaks down because Mr. Binswanger must now explain why government is necessary:

The wielding of force is not a business function. In fact, force is outside the realm of economics. Economics concerns production and trade, not destruction and seizure.

Economics is merely a subset of human action that deals with exchange. Recognizing that some people prefer the use of force over cooperation a lot of business have sprung up around defense. Body guards, private security specialists, developers of access control systems, self-defense instructors, system administrators, criminal psychologists, and a whole slew of other individuals make their living by trading with people who perceive a need for defense. As exchanges are occurring, most likely in the form of money being exchange for defenses, these careers absolutely fall under the realm of economic activity.

But exchanges don’t have to be voluntary to fall under the realm of economics. Take The Invisible Hook for example. It is a book that discusses the economics of piracy. Even though piracy is not a form of voluntary exchange it is a form of exchange and if you take the time to study it you realize a log of economic principles are involved. Pirates, like anybody else, concerned themselves with obtaining the most bang for their buck. Believe it or not the whole dog and pony show with flags and reputations for brutalizing resisters was to convince targets to peacefully surrender. Violence is expensive so pirates used psychology in an attempt to avoid it. Risk aversion is basic economics.

Ask yourself what it means to have a “competition” in governmental services. It’s a “competition” in wielding force, a “competition” in subjugating others, a “competition” in making people obey commands. That’s not “competition,” it’s violent conflict. On a large scale, it’s war.

This is where Objectivists always amuse me. They recognize the violence inherent in the system but still believe the system is just and proper.

Governments are necessary–because we need to be secure from force initiated by criminals, terrorists, and foreign invaders.

Welcome to Objectivist circular reasoning. What is a government other than a violent gang that steals, murders, terrorizes, and enslaves? In other words governments are perpetrators of everything Objectivists claim governments are necessary to protect us from. A better way of saying what Mr. Binswanger wrote is that governments are necessary because we need to be secure from force initiated by governments.

The genius of the American system is that it limited government, reining it in by a Constitution, with checks and balances and the provision that no law can be passed unless it is “necessary and proper” to the government’s sole purpose: to protect individual rights–to protect them against their violation by physical force.

Tragically, the original American theory of government was breached, shelved, trashed long ago. But that’s another story.

The genius of the American system is that it is limited government reigned in by a Constitution. But the American system failed and government is now out of control.

How can you say those two statements with a straight face? He just claimed that the American system was genius and a total failure in two sentences. Pick one or the other.

The anarchists do not object to retaliatory force, only to it being wielded by a government. Why? Because, they say, it excludes “competitors.” It sure does: it excludes vigilantes, lynch mobs, terrorists, and anyone else wanting to use force subjectively.

That’s not at all what anarcho-capitalists argue. Government force isn’t illegitimate because it doesn’t have competition, it’s illegitimate because it is an initiation for force. Everything government does it does at the barrel of a gun. Fail to pay your taxes? Get kidnapped by men with liability shields. Don’t go quietly with your kidnappers? Get shot dead in the street or choked to death.

While Objectivists recognize the violence inherent in the system they believe it is necessary to protect against the violence inherent in the system. Meanwhile anarcho-capitalists recognize the violence inherent in the system and oppose it full stop.

There can be only one supreme law of the land and only one government to enforce it. (State and local governments are necessarily subordinate to the federal government.)

In other words there must be masters and there must be slaves. Whatever the government decides is the law of the land and if the serfs don’t like it that’s just too damn bad.

Could conflict among “competing governments” be taken care of by treaties? Treaties?–enforced by whom? I once asked Ayn Rand about the feasibility of such treaties between sovereign “competing governments.” She looked at me grimly and said, “You mean like at the U.N.?”

You see we need governments to protect us from governments. And to protect governments from governments we need governments. It’s basically governments all the way down.

A proper government functions according to objective, philosophically validated procedures, as embodied in its entire legal framework, from its constitution down to its narrowest rules and ordinances. Once such a government, or anything approaching it, has been established, there is no such thing as a “right” to “compete” with the government–i.e., to act as judge, jury, and executioner. Nor does one gain such a “right” by joining with others to go into the “business” of wielding force.

To carry out its function of protecting individual rights, the government must forcibly bar others from using force in ways that threaten the citizens’ rights. Private force is force not authorized by the government, not validated by its procedural safeguards, and not subject to its supervision.

The government has to regard such private force as a threat–i.e., as a potential violation of individual rights. The threat of force is force. In barring such private force, the government is retaliating against that threat.

Here he just admitted that a government can only function if it enjoys privileges above those enjoyed by its subjects (or serfs, or citizens, or whatever derogatory term you want to call us outside of the state). And this is why anarchists, at least most of them, oppose the very concept of government.

Anarchists recognize that coercive hierarchy is undesirable. While different branches of anarchism disagree about what coercive hierarchy is most of them agree that one individual given the privilege to wield violence against other individuals qualifies.

No system that grants the privilege to wield violence to a select group of individuals can control those individuals. The Constitution is often cited as the ideal control over the privilege group we refer to as government. But almost every proponent of the Constitution admits that the government that exists now exists outside of the confines of the Constitution. That demonstrates that the Constitution, like every mechanism created to control governments before it, is incapable of restraining the government.

Once a group of individuals has the privilege of wielding violence there is no way to control them, at least not without using violence. Where anarchism differs from statism is that anarchism advocates that everybody should play by the same set of rules. If that isn’t the case then any hope of a peaceful society is nothing more than a fairytale.

imilarly, the government does not ban private guards;

Wait… I thought force wasn’t within the realm of economics.

The attempt to invoke individual rights to justify “competing” with the government collapses at the first attempt to concretize what it would mean in reality. Picture a band of strangers marching down Main Street, submachine guns at the ready.

Police. Gotcha.

When confronted by the police,…

So a turf war between two violent gangs.

the leader of the band announces: “Me and the boys are only here to see that justice is done, so you have no right to interfere with us.” According to the anarchists, in such a confrontation the police are morally bound to withdraw, on pain of betraying the rights of self-defense and free trade.

Interestingly enough Mr. Binswanger doesn’t elaborate on the situation at all. Is this merely an incident of two violent gangs walking around harassing people? Is the first gang moving against somebody who is considered an outlaw by most of the people living in the area? Is the first gang merely enjoying a stroll down the street with no violent intent in mind?

Anarchists concern themselves with such questions. Just because you’re issued a magical costume and a liability shield doesn’t mean you have the right to thump people’s skulls.

Bear in mind that, in fact, those who would be granted the right to enforce their own notions of justice include Leftists…

There it is, the ultimate neocon straw man. Anything can be justified so long as the “left” supports the opposite. Do you need to justify torture? Just claim that the “left” opposes it! Do you need to justify murder? Just claim that the “left” opposes it! It’s the ultimate argument ender for any neocon lacking an argument! Consider it the Godwin’s Law of neoconservative.

The anarchists object to the very idea of a monopoly on force.

That may be the only accurate thing he has said about anarchism in this entire article.

That only shows that they cannot grasp what force is. Force is monopoly. To use force is to attempt to monopolize. The cop or the gunman says: “We’ll do it my way, not your way–or else.” There is no such thing as force that allows dissenters to go their own way.

And that is precisely why anarchists oppose the initiation of force in all forms.

If a man wants to have sex with a woman who doesn’t want it, only one of them can have their way. It’s either “Back off” or rape. Either way, it’s a monopoly.

Rape is, without any doubt, an initiation of violence. That means retaliatory violence against a rapist is justified, right, and proper under anarchism. Where anarchism and statism differ in this scenario is that rape, even if it was declared a legal action by the state, would still be illegitimate. Many states had or have laws on the books that legalized rape in some form or another. Usually the laws granted men the right to rape women. Under these legal systems there was little recourse for victims of rape other than killing their rapist and fleeing before the police arrived.

Economic competition presupposes a free market. A free market cannot exist until after force has been barred.

Except for state force apparently.

That means objective law, backed up by a government.

That means decrees issued by people in marble buildings backed up by force!

The anarchist idea of putting law on “the market” cannot be applied even to a baseball game. It would mean that the rules of the game will be defined by whoever wins it.

Or by the group of individuals playing the game as it is now. This probably surprises Mr. Binswanger but armed thugs are seldom employed to enforce the rules of a baseball game.

This has not prevented the anarchists from speaking of “the market for liberty” (i.e., the market for the market).

There’s not a whole lot you can do to shut us up. We’re a pretty unruly bunch.

In terms of current events, anarchism means Lebanon, Somalia, and the Taliban. Nothing could discredit capitalism more than to link “freedom” with such horrors.

There it is! Reductio ad Somalium! Thanks for playing, Mr. Binswanger. It’s been fun by you just Godwin’d yourself for the second time in one article. While that is impressive no points can be given. I’m sorry but those are the rules issued by some men in a marble building. Armed officers will be by shortly to kidnap you, rough you up, and lock you in a cage until one of their courts is free to hear you beg for your freedom.

Maintaining Backwards Compatibility Isn’t Doing Users Any Favors

I’m kind of at a loss as to why so many major websites have failed to disables legacy protocols and ciphers on their websites. The only two reasons I can think of is that those companies employ lazy administrators or, more likely, they’re trying to maintain backwards compatibility.

The Internet has become more integrated into our lives since the 1990s. Since then a lot of software has ceased being maintained by developers. Windows XP, for example, is no longer supported by Microsoft. Old versions of Internet Explorer have also fallen to the wayside. But many websites still maintain backwards compatibility with old versions of Windows and Internet Explorer because, sadly, they’re still used in a lot of places. While maintaining backwards compatibility seems like a service to the customer it’s really a disservice.

The idea seems simple enough, customers don’t want to invest money in new systems so backwards compatibility should be maintained to cater to them. However this puts them, and customers with modern systems, at risk. Consider Windows XP with Internet Explorer 6, the classic example. They’re both ancient. Internet Explorer 6 is not only old and not only unmaintained but it has a history of being Swiss cheese when it comes to security. If your customers or employees are using Internet Explorer 6 then they’re at risk of having their systems compromised and their data stolen. Obviously that is a more extreme example but I believe it makes my point.

Currently TLS is at version 1.2 but many older browsers including Internet Explorer 7 through 10 only support TLS 1.0 and that is most likely the next protocol to fall. Once (because it’s a matter of when, not if) that happens anybody using Internet Explorer 7 through 10 will be vulnerable. Any website that keeps TLS 1.0 available after that point will be putting the data of those users at risk.

It’s 2014. Backwards compatibility needs to be discarded if it involves decreasing security. While this does inconvenience customers to some extent it isn’t nearly as inconvenient as identify theft or account highjackings. As a general rule I operate until the principle that I won’t support it if the manufacturer doesn’t support it. And if the manufacturer does support it but not well then I will stop bothering to support it as soon as that support requires decreasing security.

And as an aside we can dump unsecured HTTP connections now. Seriously. There is no purpose for them.

POODLE Attack Capable of Bypassing Some TLS Installations

SSLv3 is dead and POODLE killed it. After news of the attack was made public web administrators were urged to finally disable SSLv3 and only use TLS for secure communications. But the security gods are cruel. It turns out that some installations of TLS are vulnerable to the POODLE attack as well:

On Monday, word emerged that there’s a variation on the POODLE attack that works against widely used implementations of TLS. At the time this post was being prepared, SSL Server Test, a free service provided by security firm Qualys, showed that some of the Internet’s top websites—again, a list including Bank of America, VMware, the US Department of Veteran’s Affairs, and Accenture—are susceptible. The vulnerability was serious enough to earn all sites found to be affected a failing grade by the Qualys service.

Qualys’s SSL Labs testing tool is a wonderful piece of software. It tests for various SSL vulnerabilities including this new POODLE exploit. Using it I was able to confirm, quite happily, that this site is not vulnerable (check out that sexy A rating). But I’m a dick so I also checked a few other sites to see what everybody else was doing. My favorite result was Paypal’s gigantic F rating:

paypall-ssllabs-f-rating

Paypal is a major online transaction provider. You would think that their server administrators would be keeping everything as locked down as possible. But they’re apparently sleeping on the job. It should be embarrassing to a company like Paypal that a single individual running a few hobby sites has tighter security.

But if you administer any websites you should check your setup to make sure your security connections are up to snuff (and unsecured connections are disabled entirely because it’s 2014 and nobody should be communicating across the Internet in the clear).

And Suddenly People Care About Torture Again

Shortly after it was known that prisoners in Guantanamo Bay were being tortured there was an uproar by the neoliberals. They claimed to be very upset by the fact that people were being tortures. As it turns out they were only unhappy that their man wasn’t in charge when the torture was occurring and shortly after Bush was replaced by Obama they faded into the background (sadly joining most of the anti-war movement).

Yesterday a report on the torture performed by the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) was released and suddenly people care about torture again:

The summary of the report, compiled by Democrats on the Senate Intelligence Committee, said that the CIA misled Americans about what it was doing.

The information the CIA collected this way failed to secure information that foiled any threats, the report said.

In a statement, the CIA insisted that the interrogations did help save lives.

“The intelligence gained from the programme was critical to our understanding of al-Qaeda and continues to inform our counterterrorism efforts to this day,” Director John Brennan said in a statement.

However, the CIA said it acknowledged that there were mistakes in the programme, especially early on when it was unprepared for the scale of the operation to detain and interrogate prisoners.

Welcome back everybody! Glad to have you with us again! Of course the reactions to this report have been very predictable. The neoliberals, who are again feigning outrage, keep reiterating that this happened under Bush’s watch. I guess the important take away from this report is that the old war criminal was in charge instead of the current war criminal (he’s probably too busy ordering the bombings of Middle Eastern children to bother overseeing torture operations).

The neocons have been equally predictable. Their main takeaway from the torture report is that it was totally cool because it was happening to Middle Easterners. They have also been busy trying to claim that the torture saved the lives of American soldiers even though no evidence exists supporting such a claim (and anybody who has studied interrogation techniques knows torture produces unreliable information because tortured people will tell you whatever they think you want to hear in the hopes you’ll stop inflicting pain).

I don’t care which war criminal was in charge at the time and I don’t care if acts of torture saved lives. Torture is unacceptable. Period. Not only does it produce unreliable information but it’s inhumane as Hell. The only thing torture is useful for is detecting people who should be removed from society. That is to say if somebody is willing to torture another human being they shouldn’t be in society.

Anyways this state crime, like all of its previous crimes, will likely be swept under the rug next week. Then it can go on to torture some other people and everybody can pretend to care for another week after a report is published by whatever party doesn’t hold the position of war-criminal-in-chief.

Another Grand Jury Continues the Trend of Not Indicting a Cop

What happens when a group of law enforcement officers murder a man with down syndrome? A grand jury decides against indicting them!

Less than five miles from the theater where a man with Down syndrome died at the hands of the law enforcement officials he idolized, a grand jury on Friday heard the details of the case and decided that no crime had been committed.

“They felt no further investigation was necessary,” Frederick County State’s Attorney J. Charles Smith said at a news conference outside the county’s courthouse.

Grand jury proceedings are secretive in Maryland, but Smith said that his office presented the jury with 17 witness statements and that three deputies involved in the death — Lt. Scott Jewell, Sgt. Rich Rochford and Deputy First Class James Harris — all testified.

[…]

In February, the Chief Medical Examiner’s Office in Baltimore ruled Saylor’s death a homicide as a result of asphyxia. On Friday, Smith said that the report indicated that Down syndrome and obesity made Saylor more susceptible to breathing problems.

And thus continues the trend of grand juries indicted almost everybody under the sun unless they have a magical liability shield.

Back in the day the state encouraged people to stay fit because they may some day be called to defend the country (which is a euphemism for being send to the Middle East on a holy crusade against Islam). Now the narrative is changing. We must all be in peak physical condition to better improve our chances of survival when interacting with police. If you fail to keep yourself in shape you may very well be more susceptible to asphyxiating when the cop throws your ass to the ground, money piles you, and wraps a few set of handcuffs around your neck.

But in all seriousness never call the police unless you want somebody murdered because that’s what will happen in all likelihood.