The Extent of American Militarism

The United States has a wicked hammer called the military. And like most people who only have a hammer the United States sees every problem as a nail. This has been apparent in the country’s foreign relations, which more closely resemble an extremely abusive relationship than a healthy marriage (it only bombs you because it loves you). But this seeing everything as nails problem has gone to a level of absurdity. As the fear of Ebola virus causes people around the world to piss their pants the United States government has stepped forth to reassure the fearful that it has the answer. And that answer is a world renowned team of viral experts who are being given access to whatever resources they need to defeat this virus! Just kidding. The answer, as always, is the military:

President Barack Obama has called the West Africa Ebola outbreak “a threat to global security” as he announced a larger US role in fighting the virus.

“The world is looking to the United States,” Mr Obama said, but added the outbreak required a “global response”.

The measures announced included ordering 3,000 US troops to the region and building new healthcare facilities.

I guess the plan is to just shoot the virus. That should work. After all the United States is, like, totally not using this outbreak as an excuse to increase its military presence in Africa so it can get to the continent’s resources before China.

Canadians Warned About Traveling Into the United Police States of America

Us Americans love bragging about living in the freest goddamn country on Earth. And woe is the poor son of a bitch who crosses a self-proclaimed patriot by saying the United States aren’t actually very free. But when you have people in neighboring countries warning their fellow citizens not to enter the United States with large amounts of cash less some police officer confiscates it using civil forfeiture laws, well, you can’t make too many claims about being a free country:

On its official website, the Canadian government informs its citizens that “there is no limit to the amount of money that you may legally take into or out of the United States.” Nonetheless, it adds, banking in the U.S. can be difficult for non-residents, so Canadians shouldn’t carry large amounts of cash.

That last bit is excellent advice, but for an entirely different reason than the one Ottawa cites.

There’s a shakedown going on in the U.S., and the perps are in uniform.

Across America, law enforcement officers — from federal agents to state troopers right down to sheriffs in one-street backwaters — are operating a vast, co-ordinated scheme to grab as much of the public’s cash as they can; “hand over fist,” to use the words of one police trainer.

The article then goes on to explain the scam, which everybody in this country should be aware of. Basically civil forfeiture laws allow an officer to confiscate any property that they claim to believe is tied to a drug crime. No charges have to be made against you for the office to take your shit and the burden of proving the property isn’t related to a drug crime is entirely on you. And since it’s impossible to prove with absolute certainty that your property isn’t tied to a drug crime you’re fucked.

The author of the article, Neil Macdonald, has some good advice for any Canadian traveling into the United Police States of America (and this advice is good to heed if you’re living here as well):

So, for any law-abiding Canadian thinking about an American road trip, here’s some non-official advice:

Avoid long chats if you’re pulled over. Answer questions politely and concisely, then persistently ask if you are free to go.

Don’t leave litter on the vehicle floor, especially energy drink cans.

Don’t use air or breath fresheners; they could be interpreted as an attempt to mask the smell of drugs.

Don’t be too talkative. Don’t be too quiet. Try not to wear expensive designer clothes. Don’t have tinted windows.

And for heaven’s sake, don’t consent to a search if you are carrying a big roll of legitimate cash.

As the Canadian government notes, there is no law against carrying it here or any legal limit on how much you can carry. But if you’re on an American roadway with a full wallet, in the eyes of thousands of cash-hungry cops you’re a rolling ATM.

Remember that the police are not your friends. Their job is to extort wealth from you. Treat them just like any other violent criminal. Give them a wide berth and if you have to interact with them say as little as you can and try to make the interaction as short as possible.

A Special Fear Day Announcement for Retail Workers

On this most frightful Fear Day the Department of Motherland Fatherland Homeland Security (DHS) has a very special message for those of you working retail:

Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson said his department will be issuing new guidance to retailers this week giving them pointers on how to spot potential terrorists among their customers by looking at what they’re buying.

While saying the government cannot prohibit sales of some everyday materials, Mr. Johnson said retailers should be trained to look for anyone who buys a lot from what he described as a “long list of materials that could be used as explosive precursors.”

That’s right, those of you working retail our this country’s first line of defense! It is you who can identify terrorists buying supplies to build bombs! It is you who can report all suspicious persons to Big Brother! It is you who can save the lives of your fellow countrymen before some terrorist shitbag has a chance to act! The safety of our entire nation now rests of your ever vigilant shoulders!

So what sorts of things should a vigilant retail employee look for? How about pressure cookers:

“We can’t and we shouldn’t prohibit the sale of a pressure cooker. We can sensitize retail businesses to be on guard for suspicious behavior by those who buy this kind of stuff,” Mr. Johnson said during a question-and-answer session after a speech at the Council on Foreign Relations.

Is that person buying a pressure cooker a chef, person who cans food, or terrorist plotting to bomb the people you know and love? Don’t take chances, if you see somebody attempting to buy a pressure cooker call the police and allow them to interrogate the buyer.

Obviously the fine people at the DHS will have many more guidelines. But the bottom line is this: just because you have absolutely no security or counter-terrorism training doesn’t mean you can’t point the finger at random people and accuse them of wrongdoing. Fear best propagates when we believe everybody is out to get us so do you part by spreading fear of your customers.

I Understand that Words are Hard But Dictionaries are a Thing

As somebody who uses words everyday I understand that they can be difficult. Sometimes you think of the perfect word to make your smartass zinger shine but are uncertain if you’d be using it in the correct context. For those situations there are these things called dictionaries. In fact if you go to Google and type “define:word” you will be greeted with the definition of “word”. Because this wonderful technology known as a dictionary exists I’m not terribly forgiving when people totally fuck up their word usage in a professional piece of writing. So when I saw this petition claiming to oppose a federal takeover of the Internet I realized that the author doesn’t know how some very basic works work:

Dear Mr. Wheeler,

Americans have been getting faster and faster Internet speeds because of competition in the free economy, not because of anything the government has done.

To which I ask, what competition? What free economy? This is one of the biggest problems with the net neutrality debate. One side wants to use the state to mandate net neutrality and the other side has no fucking clue how Internet provision works in this country. There is very little competition in the Internet provision market specifically due to government regulations. In the current environment a handful of companies such as Comcast, Century Link, AT&T, and Verizon have near monopolies, if not outright monopolies, in many areas. People who are really lucky may have two Internet Service Providers (ISP) to choose from but that’s not always the case. Thanks to lobbying efforts by large ISPs the option for communities to build their own ISP isn’t even legal in many areas.

If you think the net neutrality debate is currently between a government regulated market or a free market then you have no clue what’s going on. The debate is between a government regulated market or a government regulated market with the only question being what set of regulations should be used to fuck the American people. Don’t fall for ploys like this petition that claim to support a free market in Internet provision. A free market isn’t even an option on the table at this point and the only people who claim it is are shills for large cable providers that are trying to sucker free market advocates into supporting their own subjugation.

Some Things Never Go Out of Style

Thanks to the shitstorm in Ferguson, Missouri people are not noticing that the Department of War Defense has been giving and awful lot of military equipment to local law enforcers. I’m not sure why local law enforcers need armored personnel carriers and machine guns to write speeding tickets, parking citations, and other types of revenue generating fines but I’m at an even bigger loss to understand what local law enforcers are going to do with goddamned bayonets:

NPR recently published an in-depth report on the Department of Defense’s 1033 program, cataloging every military item sent to law enforcement agencies from 2006 through April 23, 2014. Vox pointed out the fact that the cache of weapons donated to local cops included 11,959 bayonets.

Maybe they need them to conserve ammo by stabbing family pets during no-knock raids. Perhaps local law enforcers have found that shooting family pets kills the poor creature too quickly so they want to option to affix bayonets so they can kill it in a way that prolongs the agony. Or local law enforcers may just want them because they think they make them appear more intimidating. Regardless I’m not sure what they’re going to do with fucking bayonets but I do know that it won’t be good for you or me.

Your Daily Fear My Fellow Minnesotans

Are you afraid? If you’re not you should be. Why? Because the anarchists the communists the drug cartels the illegal immigrants al-Qaeda al-Shabaab the Islamic State (IS) is coming to get you!

ST. PAUL, Minn. (KMSP) – Bob Fletcher once held the title of Ramsey County sheriff, and he’s reaching out to his law enforcement contacts again because he believes America should be on guard for a new kind of terror attack. This week, Fletcher sent out a bulletin to police agencies to warn them about a new kind of car bomb that has its own brochure.

Al Qaeda published the document, titled “Car Bombs Inside America,” as a step-by-step guide. The detail is amazing, but aside from instructing people to use propane tanks and an oxygen cylinder to create the destructive device, the publication also gives recommendations for targets — including Times Square, casinos in Las Vegas, and oil trains.

Oops, my mistake. It was al-Qaeda this time, not the IS (seriously, Bob Fletcher really missed an opportunity to cash in on the current fear). But they’re supposedly going to come to Minnesota and pull a Time Square bomb here. Which means that the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) will have to find some schmuck with lukewarm intelligence, radicalize him, claim he joined al-Qaeda, and and give him a fake bomb so it can arrest him when he presses the detonator and make itself look like a hero.

Mr. Fletcher, if you’re reading this (which you may very well be since I’m sure I’m the kind of guy you try to make people afraid of), please note that nobody is afraid of an FBI created bomb plot anymore. Nor is anybody going to take the threat of al-Qaeda with car bombs seriously because, let’s fact it, that scenario is pretty ridiculous. And next time make sure your boogeyman is up to day. It’s embarrassing to see law enforcement agents mention al-Qaeda when the IS is the new hotness in fear.

California Finally Addressed One of the State’s Most Important Issues

California has a lot of issues. It has a notably high unemployment rate, getting a carry permit is entirely at the mercy of whatever tyrannical sheriff you’re unfortunate enough to live under, its tax rates are absurdly high, and San Fransisco is there. But there is one major problem that has affected the lives of every citizen of that forsake stretch of land that gone unaddressed… until now!

The California Assembly on Monday passed legislation that would ban the state from selling or displaying the Confederate flag, or any similar image, with Republican gubernatorial candidate Tim Donnelly casting the sole vote in opposition.

Thank almighty Cthulhu that that’s finally been taken care of! But I noticed that the prohibition suspiciously doesn’t apply to the Nazi flag. Coincidence? I’ll let you decide.

If You Call Yourself a Sheepdog Then You’re Probably Not a Sheepdog

Of all the posts on this blog none has garnered me more hatred than my criticism of Grossman’s sheepdog, sheep, and wolves analogy. Seriously, just read some of the comments and see how many people base their self-worth on the idea that they’re some kind of protector of humanity. Over two years later I not only find myself still believing that Grossman’s analogy is flawed but I also believe that almost everybody who subscribes to that analogy and believes themselves to be a sheepdog isn’t.

In Grossman’s analogy the sheepdog is the thin barrier that lies between the weak, pathetic, ignorant sheep and the vicious wolves that lurk around every corner. I find the analogy flawed because it implies that a person is either a protector of humanity, a stupid sheep who will get eaten in time, or an asshole wolf who exists solely to kill the sheep. I mean, come on, just read this tripe:

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen: a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath–a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? Then you are a sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero’s path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed.

What if you have the capacity for violence but care only to use it to protect yourself? Or you have the capacity for violence but care only to use it to protect you and yours? How about those people who have a capacity for violence yet refrain from using it? And what about those who have a capacity for violence, use it against nonviolent individuals, and carry a badge? Reality is far different than what Grossman implies. People don’t fit nicely into tidy categories and most of the self-proclaimed sheepdogs aren’t considered what Grossman implies to be sheepdog.

If you go on to read the analogy you will see, for example, that Grossman considers police officers to be sheepdogs. I fail to see how modern police, who exist primarily to prey on the populace by extorting wealth from them, are defenders of anybody. But what’s really annoying is that many people outside of the police and military who consider themselves sheepdogs share many of the wolfish tendencies of a lot of modern police officers. The worst of which is the “Just give me an excuse, boy!” personality trait. People who exhibit this personality trait are the ones who are looking for any excuse to bring violence against somebody. For example, one of Baton Rouge’s finest who wanted somebody to pull a Ferguson in his town so he could thump some skulls.

Many of the people I know, both in real life and on the Internet, who consider themselves sheepdog are also hoping somebody will do something, anything, that will give them an excuse to go all Judge Dredd on their ass. The only thing keeping them from shooting bad guys, and by bad guys I mean basically anybody they dislike, is that they are lowly beta wolves. Sheepdogs, more often than not, are actually wolves and there are two types of wolves. Most self-proclaimed sheepdogs outside of law enforcement are lowly beta wolves and the police are the alpha wolves. Beta wolves want to go all Judge Dredd on people but the alpha wolves don’t like it when beta wolves challenge their monopoly on violence. So the alpha wolves keep the beta wolves relegated to just wishing for the day that they get a reason to prove their sheepdog claims to be more than bluster. This isn’t heroic behavior and the people who hold this attitude aren’t the defender of humanity.

As people wanting nothing more than to wield violence most self-proclaimed sheepdogs spend a vast majority of their time training to do exactly that. Something that always amazes me when it comes to the sheepdog crowd is their emphasis on training for some of the most retarded gun fighting scenarios, in regards to people living in the United States, every conceived. They drill for multiple attackers invading a mall and taking hostages, entrenched terrorists who are firing on the sheepdogs’ position and can only be advanced on by leapfrogging so that one sheepdog can provide covering fire to another sheepdog as he moves towards danger (because sheepdogs only ever move towards danger), and counterinsurgency after a foreign army has successfully invaded and taken over their hometown. What they seem to never drill for are scenarios where the mugger gets the jump on them and at gun point demands their wallet, a shooter opening fire in a mall causing most of the people to run chaotically in a panic and thus have made finding and engaging the attacker almost impossible, or two individuals engaging in a fight that’s impossible to ascertain who initiated it and who is simply defending themselves. If you want to consider yourself the defender of stupid sheep then you should at least practice for scenarios that may actually happen. Or, you know, learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).

It’s true, some self-proclaimed sheepdogs are very competent with a firearm (but most aren’t). Anybody who spends every weekend practicing to engage the entire Mongol horde should have developed at least some competency with a firearm. But those people often suck at deescalation techniques (again, they want to get into a fight so deescalation is counter to their goal), employing the minimum force necessary to resolve a situation, and having a conversation lasting more than ten minutes that doesn’t devolve into ranting about how pathetic sheep are and how awesome they and their fellow sheepdogs are. The best fights are the ones that don’t happen and if you are actually interested in defending people you should start by learning to how deescalate a situation. Likewise not every situation requires a gun. Sometimes you can resolve a situation by restraining somebody long enough for them to cool down. And when things do go completely south and you need to use a firearm you will almost never have an AR-15 with a chest rig full of loaded magazines. Instead you’ll have a concealed handgun and maybe an extra magazine or two. Again most self-proclaimed sheepdogs seemed prepared for war not for defending members of their community from bad things that may actually happen.

The only people that I have ever heard use the sheepdog analogy unironically are those whose egos need regular stroking and the only stroking they find pleasurable are images of themselves being heroes. Meanwhile the people who actually protect members of their community; emergency medical technicians (EMT), people who know CPR, people who walk other people to their car at night so they don’t get harassed, etc.; usually aren’t bragging about how they are the thin line that rests between sheep and wolves. That’s probably because they’re actually helping people instead of talking about it. But a lot of people have latched onto Grossman’s analogy because it allows them to fantasize about being a hero as well as gives them a reason to feel superior to anybody who doesn’t spend every weekend preparing to fight off the Mongol horde.

The Terrorists aren’t Planning to Attack via Mexico

Let me just take a moment to stroke my own ego and point out that I’m not the only one calling bullshit on Judicial Watch’s report about terrorists planning to attack from Mexico. Matthew Olsen, the director of the National Counterterrorism Center, called bullshit as well:

The United States’ senior counterterrorism official said on Wednesday that there is “no credible information” that the militants of the Islamic State, who have reigned terror on Iraq and Syria, are planning to attack the U.S. homeland. Although the group could pose a threat to the United States if left unchecked, any plot it tried launching today would be “limited in scope” and “nothing like a 9/11-scale attack.”

[…]

But Olsen, whose organization was set up after 9/11 to assess terrorism intelligence and “connect the dots” about potential attacks, painted a more measured picture of the fundamentalist group. “ISIL is not al Qaeda pre-9/11,” Olsen told a Brookings Institution audience on Wednesday, Sept. 3. Osama bin Laden’s network had covert cells in European countries and Southeast Asia, as well as a home base in Afghanistan. The Islamic State is “not there yet,” Olsen said. There is “no indication at this point of a cell of foreign fighters operating in the United States.”

If you look up Judicial Watch, the organization cited by the fear mongering article on Allen West’s site, you’ll notice that it’s a neoconservative watchdog group. More often than not neoconservative watchdog groups peddle fear whenever neoliberals are in power in an attempt to scare Americans into believing that the military isn’t strong enough, the police aren’t well armed enough, and the border isn’t enough of a fortress.

The fact that the news of terrorists supposedly planning to team up with drug cartels to invade the United States came from Judicial Watch should have been the first red flag. Red flag two should have been the claim that Mexican drug cartels were working with the Islamic State (IS). Mexican drug cartels don’t want somebody like the IS in power because it would likely punishes drug producers and consumers far more harshly than the current regime. Neoconservatives and neoliberals spend a lot of time trying to make it appear as though Mexican drug cartels want to kill all Americans but the fact is Americans are those cartels’ biggest customers. This becomes apparent when you look at most of the violence committed by drug cartels and see that it’s mostly aimed at threats to its business. In other words drug cartels are just like states in that they use violence to hinder competition.

As a general rule if I see an article that paints a very scary picture I label it bullshit unless some concrete evidence proving the article truthful is available. Fear is the favorite tool of tyrants. When somebody is telling you to be scared then they are most likely trying to get you to kowtow to them.

There is a Difference Between Victim Blaming and Valid Criticism

There is a term that is quickly losing any value due to dilution: victim blaming. Victim blaming, once used to point out a valid criticism against those who blamed victims of crimes for said crimes happening, is becoming little more than a phrase uttered to put a person who has been victimized above any form of criticism. I am, of course, referring to the nude phones that were leaked of several celebrities (what I can say, it’s the hot topic of the week and intersects with my computer science profession). As a computer scientist who has a strong interest in security I have been using these leaks as a platform to explain both the risks of using online storage services and the measures individuals can take to mitigate those risks. Not surprisingly I’ve been getting accused of victim blaming.

A thin line exists between victim blaming and valid criticism but it’s important line. To better understand this line let’s consider an all too common scenario. Most people, as far as I know, who live outside of rural communities make a habit of locking their vehicle doors when they are going to be away from it for a period of time. Locking your vehicle doors reduces the risk of a thief breaking into it. But many people also leave valuable stuff inside of their vehicle in plain sight. What this does is offset the risk of breaking into a vehicle for unknown gain with knowledge that breaking into a vehicle will result in a sizable gain. In other words the risk/reward calculation changed from increased risk for no potential reward to increased risk with reward. The vehicle owner isn’t at fault for the thief breaking into his or her vehicle but leaving valuables in plain sight wasn’t smart.

iCloud-gate, or whatever snazzy fucking name with “-gate” postfixed to it that you want to use, is similar to the vehicle analogy. Uploading unencrypted data to an online storage service is similar to leaving valuables inside of your vehicle in plain sight. In both instances you’re advertising the reward so a potential thief can more accurately make a risk/reward calculation. That thief may be a malicious hacker or they may be a system administrator at Apple. Either way giving them more information is not a good idea. Pointing this out isn’t victim blaming, it’s valid criticism.

It’s the difference between blaming a woman for being raped and telling a woman “It’s Dangerous to go alone! Take this.” and handing her a .45 pistol. The former is an accusation of fault and the latter attempt to help her mitigate risk. The difference is admittedly thin but also important.