Discordianism – A Geek With Guns

The Eschaton Has Been Immanentized

Michelle Bachmann has good news for us all. The Eschaton has been immanentized! That’s right, Jesus is coming back:

Former Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) predicted in a recent interview that President Barack Obama’s handling of the Middle East was a sign of the End Times and that Jesus Christ would soon return to Earth.

[…]

But even though Bachmann lamented that Barack Obama’s nuclear deal with Iran was “pro the goals of Islamic jihad,” she said that the coming End Times were a reason to celebrate.

“These are not fearful times, these are the most exciting days in history,” she insisted. “Talk about what you see in the newspaper. We can talk about God’s time clock and the fact that Jesus Christ’s return is imminent. Is there anything more important to talk about?”

Jesus is coming back and Obama is responsible. Thanks, Obama! As A Geek With Guns exclusive I’ve also obtained a photograph of behind the scenes of the Iranian nuclear negotiations:

My Offer to Denizens of Oklahoma

Republicans in Oklahoma, like Republicans in a lot of other states, know the source of this country’s woes. It’s not a dying economy or the perpetual state of war, it’s homosexuals. To fight against this scourge they have been busy trying to get amendments to state constitutions prohibiting same-sex marriages. They’ve also been busy rewriting marriage laws when they fail to prohibit same-sex marriage hard enough. In Oklahoma they are trying to ban the recognition any secular marriage certificates:

House Bill 1125, sponsored by Republican State Representative Todd Russ, is a radical measure that would end secular marriage licenses in the state. In addition, the bill would bar all judges and other secular officials from performing marriages in Oklahoma.

[…]

Under the legislation, atheists and others not wanting to be married by a religious official could file an affidavit through the court clerk’s office claiming a common-law marriage.

But there’s a flaw in this plan. I happen to be a Discordian pope and one of my official pope powers is to create new popes. I hereby offer to make anybody living^* in Oklahoma an official pope so they can issue marriage certificates. Since they would be popes they would also be able to define what sorts of marriages they would be willing to recognized.

* Any Discordian knows this is a unnecessary offer since every man, woman, and child is already a pope.

All Hail Discordia!

Are you feeling so edgy you can cut yourself from all those jokes you’ve been making about Islam in the aftermath of the Paris shooting? Are you the most euphoric that you’ve been in years? If you’ve answered yes to these questions, or even if you’ve answered no, why not take the next step? Join the religion that’s actually a joke! Discordianism is a simple Pope Card away! Just print out this card and you’re in the elite Paratheo-Anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric (POEE)!

In fact you don’t even have to print out this card because I just made you a pope by visiting this site! Congratulations! Take a moment to read our most holy book, The Principia Discordia. Or don’t. We don’t have any rules.

Hail Eris!

Most Import Documents in History Saved from Destruction

Our species came very close to losing the most important documents in human history. I’m talking about the writings of Malaclypse the Younger, the founder of the most important religion in human history, Discordianism. Fortunately disaster has been averted and these writings were not only saved but posted online:

Groucho Gandhi writes, “‘Crackpot Historian’ Adam Gorightly (the current Keeper of the Sacred Chao) saved the archives of Discordian co-founder Greg “Malaclypse the Younger” Hill from the literal dustbin of history by swooping up the Hill archives as they were about to be tossed in the dumpster. Srsly!

“Why is this important? Greg Hill (thru Discordianism) created the first proto-zine, The Principia Discordia, and the precursor to the Creative Commons licensing scheme, first known as KopyLeft, All Rites Reversed. Now Adam Gorightly is taking the Discordian Archives and releasing them.”

These works are graciously posted on Historia Discordia. As a Discordian Pope I urge you to go forth and read. Or don’t. Whatever you do it’s cool.

Cause and Effect of Anti-Bullying Laws

One of the current crusades of the social justice movement is to bully bullies. By passing anti-bullying policies, which tend to work by prohibiting free speech and expression, school administrators believe they can bully kids into not bullying kids. It’s a rather strange theory; one that doesn’t seem to be panning out:

It started as a simple look at bullying. University of Texas at Arlington criminologist Seokjin Jeong analyzed data collected from 7,000 students from all 50 states.

He thought the results would be predictable and would show that anti-bullying programs curb bullying. Instead — he found the opposite.

Jeong said it was, “A very disappointing and a very surprising thing. Our anti-bullying programs, either intervention or prevention does not work.”

The study concluded that students at schools with anti-bullying programs might actually be more likely to become a victim of bullying. It also found that students at schools with no bullying programs were less likely to become victims.

Once again we see the Law of Erisian Escalation coming into play. By imposing order in the form of anti-bullying policies school administrators have cause chaotic bullying to escalate. This stems from the fact that bullying is a societal matter, no a legal matter. Trying to solve societal matters through legal means is a recipe for failure. By definition the lawless don’t comply with the law. Passing laws to curtail the lawless is like dumping kerosene on a fire to put it out; you only make the lawless person more lawless and the problem persists (or gets worse).

Trying to Salvage a Sinking Ship

It’s a miracle! The housing market is bouncing back! Three cheers for our central planners:

US house prices rose 12.4% over the 12 months to the end of July, the biggest annual increase since February 2006, according to a closely-watched measure.

Are you ready for another bust? I hope so because that’s what we’re going to experience in the near future. Let’s discuss economics for a moment. Our glorious central planners have been busy shoveling money into the economy in the hopes of propping it up again. But it seems the more they shovel the harder the crash is. This fits with the Law of Erisian Escalation, which states that the imposition of order equals the escalation of chaos. Trying to instill more order in the economy only results in more chaos.

I’m going to put forward a theory. Do note that I’m not saying this theory is correct nor am I claiming that I have thought this through fully. But I’ve been considering it for a while now and I feel as though it’s worth putting out for others to consider.

History is noted by various paradigm shifts. These shifts can be caused by many things including technological advancements and the need to escape coercive control. The Industrial Revolution is an example of the former, the move away from serfdom is an example of the latter. Could it be that our societies are in the midst of an economic paradigm shift? Rick Falkvinge has an interesting theory he calls the Swarm Economy:

The industrial model with lifetime single-employer careers is dying, and it is not coming back. The first sign was a change from lifetime-marriage employments into its serial-monogamy equivalent, where people change jobs every three years at the most. The next change, one which is already happening, is that most people have more than one employment — or employment-equivalent — at one time: this is an enormous change to society, where people are going to be juggling five to ten projects at a time, some for fun, some for breadwinning, some for both. I have called this the coming swarm economy.

Although I disagree with his idea of a universal basic income, I believe his statements regarding the increasingly decentralized nature of our economy has merit. Technology has allows us, as a species, to become less tied to physical locations and specific employers. Independent contractors are great examples of this shift to more decentralized workplaces. Contractors often lack a specific employer. Instead they go from job to job and sometimes work on multiple contracts simultaneously. Advances in travel and communication technology allow for this.

If the economy is in for another paradigm shift what good will central planners do? Preventing change is what the state does but the more it tries to force us into the current economic paradigm the messier it makes the transition to the new paradigm. Instead of a gradual shift enabled by new technology we suffer under a series of very painful busts as the old paradigm continues to fail again and again.

Being an anarchist I’m obviously against any form of central planning. But even advocates of central planning may want to stop and consider the possibility of a complete paradigm shift. For all we know the entire world is in for a change and that change could bring economic prosperity of the likes we’ve never seen. I think we should step aside and let the economy move in the way it wants instead of trying to prop up the current shambling mess so many seem to worship.

The “No True Anarchist” Fallacy

I think the most entertaining aspect about anarchism is the fragmentation that exists within the philosophy. Such fragmentation isn’t unusual. No philosophy that I’m aware of has remained united. But anarchism, as a philosophy I personally identify with, is more entertaining to write about than most other philosophies.

There are many heated debates within anarchist communities. My favorite debate at the moment is whether or not anarcho-capitalists are real anarchists. For the sake of transparency I will note that my path to anarchism started in libertarianism and move towards anarcho-capitalism. While I now identify primarily with discordianism, I feel that I’m still marginally qualified to speak on matters involving anarcho-capitalism. With that out of the way, let’s discuss the argument.

The reason this is currently my favorite argument is because it’s quite clear that traditional anarchists, who identify with socialism, don’t like the term anarcho-capitalists and anarcho-capitalists don’t care what traditional anarchists like or don’t like. Traditional anarchists are spending a great deal of their time and energy explaining why anarcho-capitalists aren’t real anarchists and anarcho-capitalists are saying “We don’t care. Have fun with your semantic argument.” If you participate in any online anarchist communities you quickly learn that traditional anarchists have a tendency to isolate themselves from anarcho-capitalists. This isolation has two effects. First, it creates an echo chamber where ideological dissent is crushed. Crushing ideological dissent is the most effective way to ensure your movement never advances. Second, it leaves anarcho-capitalists free to go about their business unfettered. While traditional anarchists are telling anybody who will listen, which is only other traditional anarchists, that anarcho-capitalists aren’t real anarchists, anarcho-capitalists are expanding their philosophy and proselytizing to gain more memebers.

What’s even funnier is the common justification traditional anarchists give for spending so much time declaring anarcho-capitalists heathens. Their reason is that they are trying to prevent the term anarchism from being hijacked. Considering the majority of the world believes anarchism is synonymous with molotov-cocktail-throwing-asshole-who-wants-to-bring-death-and-destruction-down-upon-all I believe it’s accurate to say that the term has already been hijacked. The definition of anarchism used by traditional anarchists is a minority definition compared to the definition used by most people. At this point traditional anarchists can only claim to be trying to reclaim the term. If I were going to reclaim the term anarchism I would start by trying to change the common vernacular definition.

As for me, I don’t care. One of the reasons I identify with discordianism is because it encourages schisms and cabals. You don’t have to worry about philosophical arguments about who is a real discordian because the philosophy itself encourages everybody to define the term however they want. That frees me from worthless semantic arguments and allows to go focus on what I love: promoting the idea of freedom.

Markets, Chaos, and Jobs

You may want to drink a beer, take a puff from a joint, or consume a magic mushroom before reading this post. I say this because I am going to delve into the world of Disordianism, which is best traveled under the influence of mind altering substance.

Before we delve too deeply let me explain my interpretation of Discordianism so we’re all playing on the same field. Discordianism, as I interpret it, is the philosophical understanding that the natural state of the universe is pure chaos. The universe doesn’t like order and, as the Law of Eristic Escalation states, the imposition of order equates to the escalation of chaos. The more you try to impost order on the universe the more chaotic of a result will be.

Nowhere are Discordian principles more apparent than in markets. Markets, the ever changing result of constant human interaction, never remain constant. Peoples’ desires are in a constant state of flux. In fact each individual’s desires at one point in time were affected by their previous actions. My experience with one fulfilled desire can determine my future desires. For example, if I purchased the latest iPhone and had a negative experience I may swear off future Apple products or, potentially, mobile phones entirely. From there I my desires may swing towards a better vehicle so I can make more face-to-face interactions with my friends or something else entirely.

The state, being an agent of order, has a desire to curtail change. If statists had their way the human race will forever exist in a purgatory of sameness. No technological advances, fashion changes, or musical trends would occur. Why do you think states always move to regulate markets? Because markets are the most apparent source of change in our society. Markets bring chaos to order by allowing individuals to have their dreams fulfilled. The grand plans of statists cannot be realized when there is no stability. How can a statist’s plan for universal healthcare be successfully put into action if the grand central planner is unable to predict the healthcare needs of an entire society? A simple story about the undesirable side effects of a pill can lead to a great shift in a society away from pharmaceuticals and towards natural remedies. After such a shift an entire supply of medicines will suddenly be worthless, the resources invested in stockpiling them will have been wasted.

We’re told that the current crisis in our society revolves around the lack of jobs. Political candidates are being elected on their promises to deliver jobs. Everybody is screaming at the top of their lungs, “Who will build the jobs?!” The failure of the job market lies in the statist tendency towards imposed order. When we were attending the state’s indoctrination centers were we told that a college degree is critical to future success. It didn’t matter what degree we obtained, said our indoctrinators, it only mattered that we received a degree (fortunately my father didn’t tell me such lies and made sure I understood that some education pays money while other education costs money). College degrees may have been money makers at one point in time but that was back in the day when college degrees chiefly existed for marketable skills. Now that one can get a degree in everything from English to Women’s Studies the value of getting a degree has diminished. The market has spoken and it has said that it needs no more degree holding Starbucks baristas, fast food workers, or art critics. English, Art, and Contemporary Dance degree holders are unemployed because the statists attempted to impose order by forcing everybody to get a degree, telling them that all degrees were of equal value, and convincing students that they should peruse whatever they loved. As it turns out many students love things that nobody wants. I do believe Mike Rowe said it best:

Rowe added, “It’s not about this is bad or this is good. This is a skills gap. […] It’s another inconvenient piece of the narrative that nobody ever talks about. There are three million jobs available right now. Companies like Caterpillar are struggling to find, for instance, heavy equipment mechanics.”

The bottom line, Rowe said is that, “We are lending money we don’t have to kids who can’t pay it back to train them for jobs that no longer exist. That’s nuts.”

In other words our society is living in the past. The demands of yesterday aren’t the demands of today. Despite the best efforts of order worshipers the markets broke free from the plans that were being imposed on them. It’s not degrees in educational pursuits that are wanted, it’s training in skilled manual labor.

When you understand that markets, as part of the universe, are chaotic you will learn that the most marketable skill is adaptability. Your training at any single point in time may be worthless at a future point in time. If you can adapt to the new conditions you will be fine. Anybody who can go from research and development to heavy equipment mechanics will have little trouble finding work. A person who is unable to make such a transition will find themselves in a bad state unless the market returns to a state where their training is again in demand.

Markets are chaos and jobs exist in markets. Being adaptable, being able to channel the chaos to your advantage, will make you a happier person. Don’t fall for the statists’s lies. Instead, listen to the Discordians. Discordians will tell you the truth: chaos results form imposed order. If you try to follow the plans of those who attempt to impose order you will find yourself lost when the imminent chaos arises. On the other hand, if you adapt to the chaos, you will never be truly.