Chronicling the depravities of the State.
There are a lot of different animals that I would expect to encounter here in Minnesota but alligators aren’t one of them:
A man walking his dog in Bloomington came across a 3.5 foot alligator.
According to Bloomington Police, the man says the reptile hissed at his dog as they were walking in an area known as Bass Ponds near 86th Street.
Wildlife officials aren’t sure how the animal got here and neither am I. I wonder what caliber would be best for taking on an angry reptile?
Things are not going well for the Minnesota Republican Party (MNGOP). Some time ago it was revealed that they hadn’t paid the rent on their office building for some time, which lead to an eviction notice being sent their way. Now all sorts of chicanery is being revealed about the dummy corporation setup by MNGOP to contest Dayton’s electoral victor:
This past winter, George Fraley got a certified letter from a Republican attorney demanding payment of more than $219,000 in overdue legal fees from the 2010 gubernatorial recount.
There were two problems: The letter listed Fraley as CEO of a company he’d never heard of — Count Them All Properly Inc. Second, he never agreed to bankroll the recount for Republican gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer.
“This has been, without a doubt, one of the screwiest things that has ever happened in my life,” said Fraley, who is not politically active and who has no ties to the GOP.
Fraley’s fight to get his name removed from the corporate filings for Count Them All Properly is coming to light as state regulators and a watchdog group are probing whether the company was created chiefly to keep debt off the books of the state Republican Party, which owes creditors $2 million, including recount debt.
GOP activists were rocked again last week when they learned that the party is $111,000 behind on rent. On Tuesday a Ramsey County district judge will conduct a hearing on whether the party can be evicted from its longtime St. Paul headquarters.
[…]
In the last two years, Count Them All Properly has listed two CEOs, both of whom say they have never heard of the company. Count Them All Properly has no corporate office, no phone number and no website. It does, however, have roughly $500,000 in debt, mostly to recount lawyers.
The company was incorporated in late 2010 by Daniel Puhl, a former administrator for the Republican National Committee who specializes in helping political parties, businesses and candidates work with the Federal Elections Commission.
About two weeks later, a CEO was listed: Jon Richard Schroeder.
Like Fraley, Schroeder says he had never heard of the company or agreed to be its chief executive.
“I have no idea how my name got on there,” said Schroeder, who runs a heating and air conditioning company in Maple Grove. “I have never been associated with them.”
As recount debt piled up, Schroeder said he started getting calls from people looking for the CEO. He told them the same thing: It’s not me; call someone else.
Months later, Schroeder’s name was replaced in state records with a new CEO: George Fraley.
Not only did they setup a dummy corporation to hide the debt that MNGOP knew would be incurred by recounting the governor vote (they claim that’s not why the corporation was setup but we all know it is) but they listed to random schmucks at the CEOs. Couldn’t they have at least listed somebody involved in the Republican Party?
I’m sure this story is going to get very interesting as it develops. I wonder how deep the corruption goes in this case. Also, why does a Ramsey County judge have to rule on whether or not MNGOP can be evicted? They haven’t paid their damned rent, it is well within the rights of the landlord to give those deadbeats the boot. Oh, right, MNGOP is a powerful political entity and therefore receive special state treatment.
If the state loves one thing it’s scare mongering. Agents of the state realize regular individuals wouldn’t be willing to put up with many of the more draconian measures used to beat down the citizenry so they package them up as solutions to fight terrorists. Since the United States hasn’t suffered a terrorist attack in some time the state periodically tries to remind the citizenry that certain death is just around the corned and if we don’t comply with the state we won’t survive. That’s all this little stunt is, an attempt at fear mongering:
Nearly 40,000 Twin Cities residents will go to their mailboxes on Sunday, May 6, to find an unusual delivery: An empty pill bottle representing a powerful antibiotic that would be delivered in the event of a bioterrorism attack in Minnesota.
The exercise, dubbed “Operation Medicine Delivery,” has united the Minnesota Department of Health with the U.S. Postal Service to answer questions that have plagued public health officials since the terror attacks of 9/11. What if an airborne anthrax attack struck the Twin Cities? How would millions of Minnesotans get the medicine to survive?
More than 300 mail carriers will participate in the test, fanning out across four neighborhoods in Minneapolis, St. Paul, Robbinsdale and Golden Valley. They plan to reach 37,000 households in four ZIP codes: 55101, 55102, 55411 and 55422.
The overall goal of the exercise would be to deliver preventive doses of medication to most people within the first 48 hours of a bioterror attack, though much of that would happen through local medicine dispensing sites run by area public health organizations. During an actual bioterror crisis, the couriers would be alerted through an automated phone message.
Let me get this straight, in case of a biological attack on the Twin Cities medication will be delivered through standard mail delivery? So you will have to wait 48 hours (unless it’s a weekend, the Post Office doesn’t do Sundays and they don’t want to do Saturdays either) until you get medication necessary to save your life? That’s not even a solution. You know what a better idea would be? Getting the hell out of the Twin Cities if it comes under attack. Fortunately I live and work in the suburbs so if Minneapolis or St. Paul are attacked I’m on the outer edge already and therefore can make a rapid escape. Of course attacking the Twin Cities would be a complete waste of time since nobody else in the Union gives a crap about Minnesota.
It appears that OccupyGOP has officially begun:
Massachusetts-based Hub Properties Trust filed paperwork in Ramsey County on Wednesday to evict the state GOP for failing to pay more than $96,000 in rent over the last year.
“Tenant remains in default under the lease by failing to pay in full when due, rent from April 2011 through the present,” the court papers read. “As of April 1, 2012, the tenant owes landlord a total of $111,192.14.” (A security deposit on the property and several partial payments since June 2011 have reduced the total outstanding debt to about $96,000.)
The eviction action follows a series of revelations last winter regarding debts accrued by the party during the reign of former RPM Chairman Tony Sutton. In December, an internal review of finances revealed that the party owes $1.23 million to creditors, plus more than $700,000 in legal fees accrued during the 2010 gubernatorial recount, and is facing possible fines from the Federal Elections Commission for undisclosed debts. The party is also currently being investigated by the state campaign finance board.
[…]
“Rather than continue discussions with us, the landlord chose to exercise its rights and filed a notice of eviction in Ramsey County court. We’re not going to be evicted, and at the same time, are continuing to negotiate on the back payments as well as on a lease that better fits both our space needs and our budget. While this is a situation none of us wants, it’s part of the rebuilding process. No one ever said it would be simple or easy or without bumps along the way. But I wanted you to hear about it from me rather than from any other source.”
Damn… $96,000 in unpaid rent? The landlord must be pissed. I also like how they are saying that they’re “not going to be evicted.” I wonder what makes them so sure? Are they actually planning an occupation or are they just hoping the landlord will lover look their minor $96,000 debt?
Either way it couldn’t have happened to nicer people. Instead of focusing on actual issues the Minnesota Republican Party has been working on getting constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage and implement voter ID. Meanwhile this fine state continues to spiral into deeper debt with no hope in sight. If this state is going to burn then the political machinery should go down in flames with it.
Minnesota is a weird state politically. Although a majority of the state leans heavily to the left we still end up with crazy religious fundamentalists like Michelle Bachmann and have even elected a professional wrestler as our governor. Needless to say if Ron Paul was going to win any state it was going to be Minnesota:
The RNC National Committeewoman for the state of Minnesota reports in this Tweet that Ron Paul takes 20 of 24 Congressional District delegates to the Republican National Convention from Minnesota:
16 more delegates are yet to be awarded, three at large delegates and 13 to be awarded at State Convention, so Ron Paul has half of the delegates for the state of Minnesota, already!
For once I’m actually proud of my state.
I thought I should give my readers a bit of a heads up. On Monday April 23rd Andrew Rothman, the vice president of Minnesota Gun Owners Civil Rights Alliance, will be a presentation on gun rights for the Southwestern Metro Tea Party (ignore their horrible, horrible site). The presentation will be at the Chanhassen Rec Center located at 2310 Coulter Blvd. Chanhassen, MN 55317 and goes from 19:00 to 20:30.
I’m not sure what the exact presentation will be about but knowing Andrew’s work it’ll be good.
While a majority of other states in the Union have rolled over and recommended fascists as their presidential candidates of choice Minnesota has been fighting the good fight. Instead of surrendering to the media’s propaganda that Romney is the chosen one we’ve given that dictator wannabe some headaches:
Mitt Romney may be the supposed frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination – but he’s not the most popular GOP candidate in Minnesota. Texas Congressman Ron Paul swept the 3rd, 5th and 6th Congressional District conventions over the weekend. Paul landed nine of nine state delegates to the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida. Paul also won one delegate in Minnesota’s 7th District March 31st while Rick Santorum picked up two. The four remaining districts will chose their delegates and alternates this weekend. Paul’s campaign is banking on Santorum backers throwing their support behind him. Romney finished third in Minnesota’s February caucuses which were non-binding.
This is one of the few times I can say I’m actually proud of my state. While every other state has been elevating Romney or Santorum as their recommended ruler for the next four years Minnesota is working hard to elevate the one candidate who doesn’t want to run our lives. At this rate when we have a choice between Obama and Obama Romney I can proudly say my state wasn’t responsible for the mess.
Ron Paul supporters in several Minnesota congressional districts have had great luck usurping power from the establishment. This brings joy to my heart because it acts as a thorn in the side of the neocons; neocons like my new favoritest candidate ever, Lynne Torgerson:
On Saturday, April 14, 2012, I attended the Republican 5th Congressional District Endorsing Convention.
There was a stage at the front of the room. Approximately 6 people were seated on the stage. Every person seated was a Ron Paul Libertarian. The Convention was overrun by Ron Paul Libertarians. More than 2/3 of the delegates were Ron Paul Libertarians. When I mentioned that we were at a Republican Convention, they laughed out loud.
Torgerson hates libertarians because we oppose everything she stands for such as killing people overseas, the abolition of state controlled marriage, and religious freedom. I’m sure if Torgerson were allowed to have her way all the non-Christians in the United States would be rounded up into concentration camps and gases. Thankfully she can’t have her way because the American people still aren’t ready to get behind ideas as bat shit crazy as what this woman is advocating.
I love the fact that delegates outright laughed at her when she said they were at a Republican convention. Guess what? It’s not a Republican convention is the Republican Party doesn’t hold the power. So what outrageous acts did the “Ron Paul Libertarians” pull with their newly found powers? Did they make everybody swear a blood oath to Odin? Did they demand everybody dance around like monkeys? As far as Torgerson is likely concerned they did far worse:
They began the Convention. There was no opening prayer. Not even a mention of it.
No opening prayer? You mean a non-religious convention didn’t try to inject religion into itself? That’s crazy! What’s next? A convention that doesn’t begin with a reading from a physic book? After all physics has an equal place to religion in a political convention.
It gets better:
There was also no Pledge of Allegiance to the US flag.
Good. Let me state something that is likely to piss a few people off: I will never cite the Pledge of Allegiance, I hate the Pledge of Allegiance. When I say this I’m usually met with numerous comments about how treasonous my distain of the Pledge is. You want treasonous? How about mindlessly reciting a pledge written by a socialist to build nationalism:
The Pledge of Allegiance was written in 1892 by Francis Bellamy (1855–1931), who was a Baptist minister, a Christian socialist, and the cousin of socialist utopian novelist Edward Bellamy (1850–1898). The original “Pledge of Allegiance” was published in the September 8 issue of the popular children’s magazine The Youth’s Companion as part of the National Public-School Celebration of Columbus Day, a celebration of the 400th anniversary of Christopher Columbus’s arrival in the Americas. The event was conceived and promoted by James B. Upham, a marketer for the magazine, as a campaign to instill the idea of American nationalism by selling flags to public schools and magazines to students.
The Pledge of Allegiance was a marketing ploy to instill nationalism. Since nationalism is one of the planks of fascism I’m not too fond of practicing it. Furthermore I’m none too inclined to recite a piece of propaganda written by a socialist. Hey Lynne Torgerson, how does if feel to be outraged by people not wanting to recite socialist propaganda? Does is hurt? I hope it hurts, I hope it hurts like fucking Hell.
Eventually the Pledge was recited, but with a little twist:
Then, a man up front stood up and requested that we recite the Pledge of Allegiance. But alas, upon looking around, there was not a flag to be seen.
Then, a clown came forward, dressed in garb, with a very large hat, that somewhat resembled a flag. In Wikipedia, wearing a flag is a form of flag desecration. Wikipedia states the following:
It is increasingly common to see clothing with the image of the flags forming a substantial part of the piece. Views vary as to whether some of this is an act of disrespect.
Such actions may be undertaken for a variety of reasons:
– As a protest against a country’s foreign policy.
– To distance oneself from the foreign or domestic policies of one’s home country.
– As a protest at the very laws prohibiting the actions in question.
– As a protest against nationalism.
– As a protest against the government in power in the country, or against the country’s form of government.
– A symbolic insult to the people of that country.So it appears that this person was wearing the US flag in order to desecrate our flag.
Wearing an image of the flag is desecration? Really? Then a huge number of Americans are walking around desecrating the flag right now. In fact people I often shoot with, people who are ultra nationalistic, are desecrating the flag every time I see them. Either that or these people are trying to display their patriotism, and we all know how much Torgerson loves patriotism.
The clown in the flag suit then went up front and stood on the stage. We were then led in the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. Stunning. To me this seemed a further desecration of the US flag and the Pledge of Allegiance. I refused to participate.
So much hilarity. Politics to me, and to many libertarians, is nothing more than a form of sick amusement. We use it to entertain ourselves and thus little stunts like this are always likely when libertarians are able to sieze control of political events. Honestly, I want to give a round of applause to the people who made this possible, if it pissed Torgerson off this badly it was worth every drop of sweat it took to accomplish it. Torgerson also got pissy because the delegates pressent at the convention didn’t want to waste their time listening to her crazy shit:
There were going to be 3 candidates allowed to speak. I was told a couple of days before the Convention by Adam Weigold, Chair, that I would be allowed an unlimited amount of time to speak. The first candidate allowed to speak, Chris Fields, a Libertarian, was allowed an unlimited amount of time. I was then asked by Chris Sinn, a Libertarian, how long my speech would take. I had prepared a 30 minute speech. I told Chris the length of time I expected my speech to take. They knew that I was going to criticize the Libertarian platform, and expose that Chris Fields is actually a Libertarian, and expose his positions, etc. Chris Fields has been trying to pass himself off as a moderate Republican, and has avoided taking any positions in public or on his website. Juliette Jordahl, a Libertarian, then quickly brought a motion to limit my speech to 10 minutes. It passed. I am currently reading a book, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. One of the first things the Nazis did was to outlaw speech criticizing the Nazis.
Let me state for the record that Chris Sinn isn’t a real person. I know several people who attended that convention and nobody by the name of Chris Sinn was present. Making up a person is a common mistake made by those who hear voices in their heads.
For those of you who haven’t attended political conventions it should be noted that the majority really does rule. If a delegate makes a motion, receives a second, and get a majority to vote in favor of that motion it’s done. In this case the “Ron Paul Libertarians” conspired against Torgerson to cut her crazy talk time down to 10 minutes, a conspiracy that will probably add to her paranoid tendencies. Heck the “Ron Paul Libertarians” were probably conspiring with the gay libertarian islamist extremist terrorists! They’re probably all out to get her!
I wonder how her 10 minutes of public crazy time went:
During my presentation, as mentioned above, they laughed out loud when I mentioned that we were at a Republican Convention. The mention that the Constitution did not protect homosexual behavior brought jeers. I also mentioned that Chris Fields has said that Saddam Hussein got a bad deal, that he applauds Keith Ellison’s representation of Muslims, that he thinks our cherished US Constitution is not perfect, that he supports gay rights legislation, and that he would not protect Life with legislation.
Wait… she actually things our “cherished US Constitution” is perfect? That’s rich, heck that’s downright hilarious! If the Constitution was prefect our country would be the fascist state it currently is.
The United States Constitution isn’t perfect, it’s nowhere near perfect. Sure, it’s a damned side better than the constitutions of many other countries but perfect it isn’t. Speaking of the Constitution let’s see if her claim that it doesn’t protect homosexual behavior holds true.
No, it doesn’t. Funny enough it also doesn’t protect heterosexual behavior. So, according to Torgerson’s “logic”, we could ban heterosexual marriages since the Constitution doesn’t specifically protect such practices. I’m down with that. Let’s ban all forms of marriage in this country for the lulz and to shove Torgerson’s “logic” down her throat. The real money quote is yet to come:
I mentioned that President and General George Washington did not advocate pot smoking and that if he did, we probably would not have won the American Revolutionary War.
George Washington raised large quantities of hemp. So did Thomas Jefferson, James Madison and virtually every other 1700s American farmer.
It is also highly likely at least some of them smoked its potent sibling, now known as marijuana.
Back in George Washington’s time smoking marijuana wasn’t seen as some kind of dirty activity performed only by lowly criminals. So it’s unlikely George Washington would have opposed marijuana, making Torgerson’s statement idiotic… which is par for the course when she’s talking. The crazy isn’t quite done yet:
Jacquelyn America proudly mentioned more than once that she has been working with the Somali community.
I’m not sure what Jacquelyn did, nor if her last name is really America, but I fail to see how working with the Somali community could possibly be seen as a ding against her. Does Torgerson believe the Somali immigrants are somehow diry, evil, or otherwise undesirable? Oh, that’s right, many of them are Muslims and Torgerson believes the Muslims are out to impose Sharia law upon the entire country! No, I’m not making that up.
I really hope this woman continues to campaign because her crazy has given me a great deal of amusement.
A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that I met Gary Johnson as he was traveling through Minnesota. I also promised that I would do a writeup regarding my throughs on the man that weekend, a promise I entirely broke. They say it’s better to be late than never show up so here are my thoughts on Gary Johnson based on that meeting (if you would like to file a complaint about my tardiness with this article feel free to send me money so I actually get paid for this blog, when I’m getting paid my consideration of what others want goes up).
For those who are in the dark Gary Johnson was running for the Republican presidential nominee but was even more shunned than Ron Paul. He’s now running for nominee of the Libertarian Party, which means he won’t become the president but he’ll be running in the least evil party that currently gets any kind of media attention (sometimes they’re mentioned at the 06:00 news block as a group of kooks who want to destroy the American way of life).
How can I describe Johnson? In short I would describe him as a good man. He is a politician but he’s the least offensive politician I’ve met in ages. Unlike most of his counterparts, Johnson appears to have little interest in controlling others and is actually willing to admit when he’s been wrong. Like Ron Paul, I would say Johnson is a politician for self-defense reasons. That is to say he wants to get into office in order to protect himself against the state by vetoing the attempts by other state agents to increase governmental authority.
Why run as a Libertarian Party candidate? The election system in this country is so rigged that it’s practically impossible for anybody not running as a Republican or Democrat to get into office. When asked about this Johnson stated he wants to spread the message of liberty. His argument was basically this; when you only have one man expressing an idea people will say it’s crazy, but when you have multiple people expressing an idea people will be more apt to listen. At the moment Ron Paul is the only candidate expressing an actual liberty message and Johnson wants to be the second candidate doing so. It makes sense and Johnson has no delusions about getting the presidency, but he wants to get federal campaign money for the Libertarian Party in the hopes of spreading the message further. I’m glad he’s grounded in reality, too often politicians become delusional and begin believing the malarkey they speak.
Where does he stand on the issues? No, not the real issues, the issues the average public actually argue about? Let’s start with the social issues. Johnson supports gay marriage, women’s right to choose, and legalizing marijuana. I don’t feel the first two items need any clarification but I do want to expand on the final item; Johnson was very straightforward about his support for legalizing marijuana but vague on legalizing other drugs. When asked whether or not he would support decriminalizing drugs beyond marijuana he mostly ducked the question by stating drug usage needs to be viewed as a health issues instead of a legal issue and we need to start with marijuana because that’s the drug most people support decriminalizing. I was not impressed by that answer, it’s a convenient way to copout of actually giving a straightforward answer.
What about other issues, issues that actually matter? Johnson stated he would support abolishing the Federal Reserve, wanted to bring all the troops home, and opposes all foreign aid.
Let’s talk about the fun issues, issues that are generally discussed solely in libertarian circles. I asked Johnson if, as president, he would individuals currently imprisoned for victimless crimes. One of my pet peeves is the punishment system currently implemented in the United States as it leads to the imprisonment of individuals who haven’t actually committed any crimes. Failing to meet government regulations; selling, possessing, and using drugs; and avoiding paying taxes are crimes that have no victims (the state can’t be a victim since you can’t steal from a thief). Surprisingly Johnson didn’t attempt to duck this question and very clearly stated he would pardon any person currently in prison for victimless crimes. Beyond that he specifically brought up individuals currently in cages because they failed to comply with government regulations. His statement on this alone put him far ahead of any other candidate besides Ron Paul (he has stated he will do the same thing).
Libertarianism, like any philosophy, has many different branches. Some libertarians are simply advocates of smaller government, some are strict constitutionalists, others are minarchists, and there even individuals who oppose the state in its entirety and openly refer to themselves as anarchists. As a voluntaryist I fall into the last category and firmly believe the ultimate goal of libertarianism should be the complete abolition of the state. Needless to say I was taken by surprise when Johnson, without being prompted by any other questions or statements from the audience, dropped the ‘A’ word. What is the ‘A’ word? Anarchism. In politics anarchism is the dirty word, it’s is the word to always avoided using, it is the thirteenth floor of the political tower.
During his speech Johnson thew political caution to the wind and actually stated that the eventual goal of libertarianism is anarchism. I had to do a double take on that and asked him if I heard correctly, did he actually say he is supportive of the idea of entirely eliminating the state. Although he did hem and haw a bit by saying a stateless society was not possible in our lifetime but eventually stated support of the idea. That takes guts when you’re running for office (although not so much when you’re running as a candidate in the Libertarian Party) and I have to hand it to Johnson for brining up the ‘A’ word during a campaign speech (technically it was more of a conversation than a speech).
So Johnson is a libertarian through and through. But this is a gun blog so the obvious question many readers are likely to ask is if Johnson is pro-gun or not. Yes, Johnson is pro-gun. I asked him if, as president, he would be willing to work on abolishing federal regulations regarding firearm ownership and he flat out said he would. Obviously such a feat can just be done by the waving of a magic wand so I asked him if a piece of legislation were put on his desk legalizing the unrestricted ownership of suppressor would he sign it and he said absolutely. Furthermore he also signed one of my friend’s loaded Springfield XD magazines, which I thought was a nice touch (I started a fad).
As the race appears to be nothing more than Obama vs. Other Obama the only real pro-gun candidate on the ballot is likely to be Johnson. If you support gun rights your only option will likely be to vote Johnson. I know most gun owners will vote for Romney after buying into the bullshit that voting for the “lesser” of two evils will somehow protect gun rights but I can’t help people who are unwilling to learn. If you go to vote and want to vote for gun rights check the box next to Gary Johnson.
The last thing I want to mention is the fact Johnson is actually human. What I mean by that is he admits when he feels slighted and when he’s made mistakes. Another attendee of this meeting asked Johnson if he felt slighted during the Republican debate where the moderator asked who, of the onstage candidates, each candidate would select as vice president. Johnson said Paul was his pick whereas Paul refused to answer the question. Most of us who support Paul felt he slighted Johnson there and it was refreshing to hear Johnson admit he felt slighted as well. It’s rare to hear a politician actually admit to having feelings, perhaps because most of them are cylons. The other thing Johnson expressed regret over was signing several pieces of legislation when he was governor of New Mexico. While the legislation he signed appeared to have good intentions he saw how those laws twisted and fulfill the desires of other politicians. Admitting mistakes is something politicians almost never do, once again it’s likely because they’re cylons.
Overall I admit I really like Johnson, he’s a good man and I would actually have no regrets voting for him. Although it’s unlikely I’ll actually vote in November if I do it’ll be for Johnson (unless Hell freezes over, unicorns becomes a real species, and Ron Paul gets the Republican nomination).
I know I condem almost every politician on the face of the planet but I think I’ve finally found a candidate who speaks to me. Everybody, I present to you Lynne Torgerson, the single most bat shit crazy politician yet spawned from this glorious state of Minnesota. Her blog is a veritable comedy gold mine, made even better by the fact she’s serious. What’s that you say? Why did I think she was anything but serious? Because her listed positions and statements are so out there that I assumed she was running as a joke candidate, one who was trying to demonstrate the sheer absurdity of the neocon platform by taking it to its maximum potential. My assumption was incorrect though, she’s not trying to use reductio ad absurdum to demonstrate the sheer idiocy of neocons, she actually believes this stuff! Let me pull an exert from her blog post:
I have realized something lately . . . If Conservatives do not stand up for the right values, who will? No one, that is who. Therefore, we must. We must stand up for the right values, and, we must do so for the rest of our lives. If we don’t, there is no one who will. And then, our values will not be represented in the United States. And, it is our values that have made America great. Therefore, we must fight to keep our values ruling and reigning. They have given us all of the freedoms under which we live. We lived in the most blessed Country on earth. We are the best, safest, most free, and most prosperous Country on earth.
What values is she speaking of? Is it free enterprise? Is it individual liberty? I’m not sure, but I can tell you what she doesn’t think are American values:
We also need to keep Ron Paul Libertarians out of the Republican Party! It appears that they are trying to take over my district, and perhaps the Minnesota Republican State Party. I have been told that there is a majority of delegates in my district who are Libertarians! We cannot let this happen. Libertarians are PROGRESSIVES! For example, they say they:
Want to get rid of the Patriot Act!
Want to get rid of the TSA!
Don’t want to support our friend and ally Israel!
Want to legalize illegal drugs
Want to legalize prostitution
Bring all the troops home
They are anti-war
Don’t want to prevent a nuclear Iran
Won’t protect the life of the unborn with legislation
Are pro gay rightsWhat? These are PROGRESSIVE positions. They have no business in the Republican Party. And, now, one of them is challenging me for the Republican endorsement.
Due process isn’t an American value, which is why real conservatives support the PATRIOT Act! The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) are fucking heros and we absolutely need them! I’m not kidding, just ask her:
We need the TSA and to fund it. Of course we need to fund the TSA. We need the TSA. That is beyond question. Also, it performs police like functions. These are typically funded by the gov’t. Rand Paul has it wrong. Why is just trying to stir up trouble? The Pauls act like they are funded by George Soros.
The Pauls are acting like they are funded by the same George Soros who is profitting greatly from the TSA body scanners!!!!! [extra exclamation marks added for effect and a demonstration of sincerity]
Seriously though, we should be downright grateful to those who sexually molest everybody from the youngest child to the oldest adult:
We should be grateful to the TSA, who protects us day in and day out . . . we shouldn’t want to get rid of it.
Speaking of real conservative values, opposing war isn’t one of them! We need war! If we don’t blow up the brown people in the Middle East who will? Those bastard libertarians want to live peacefully and oppose the initiation of violence! Thank God in Heaven Lynne Torgerson is here to ensure our country continues killing people! After all, what would a great empire be if we didn’t go around killing people?
That’s not even the worst problem America faces, not by a long shot:
We must oppose gay rights legislation. If we do not have a strong moral foundation, it does not matter what economic policy you put on top of it, it will crumble. That is part of what is wrong with this Country today . . . our moral foundation is crumbling.
Those damned gays are ruining our economy!
The gays aren’t our only problem, we also have a bonafide terrorist sympathizer representing the 5th Congressional District of Minnesota right now:
And, we shall eventually win in this district, against radical Islamist Keith Ellison. I am in this for the long haul.
Keith Ellison is a radical Islamist. What is a radical Islamist? A radical Islamist is someone who wants to have Sharia Law supreme in the United States, and will use political means or terror, to accomplish that goal. Keith Ellison, when asked, refuses to say that our cherished US Constitution should remain supreme over Sharia Law. He also recently said that the US will eventually have no borders. Well, if the US has no borders, there is no United States of America! What an anti-American thing for a sitting US Congressman to say.
It’s true, just read through all the citations she… um… doesn’t provide… but are true damn it!!!!! [again, extra exclamation marks tossed in to show the serious nature of her claim] It gets worse, he also funds terrorism:
Keith Ellison is also tied to CAIR, the Council on American Islamic Relations, which has been a named co-conspirator to funding terrorism, in the Holy Land Foundation Trial, which resulted in convictions for sending $12,000,000.00 to the terrorist organization Hamas. Keith Ellison is the keynote speaker for CAIR annual dinners. CAIR also helps Keith Ellison raise campaign funds. So, we have a sitting Congressman who helps a named co-conspirator to funding terrorism raise funds!
My god, we have an islamist terrorist extremist in Congress and we don’t even realize it! Why hasn’t this man been brought up on charges of treason? This is unacceptable! I bet he’s also in league with those gays who are ruining our economy! I know we’ve covered a lot, so let me remind you of her strong held true conservative values:
To remind you, I am a true conservative who will adhere strictly to being a proponent of:
America the Beautiful
Strong Homeland Security
Pro-Life
Traditional Marriage
Israel
Cutting Spending
A 10% Tax Rate
A Balanced Budget
Our cherished US Constitution
Fighting Radical Islamism
Individual Responsibility
America the Beautiful, it’s not just a song, it’s a mother fucking value! Lynne is also pro-life as hell… unless you’re a brown person living in the Middle East, but then you’re obviously a extremists islamist terrorist Muslim so you don’t count!
Of course no neocon advocate is done until they’ve pulled out the word patriot a few times:
Patriots need to keep their businesses in the US, and employ US workers.
So, my fellow Patriots, I’m turning to YOU to help me defeat Keith Ellison and the Ron Paul Libertarians.
Your generous contribution will bring my campaign that much closer to unseating Ellison and installing a devoted patriot into Congress.
P.S. To be sure we are better positioned for victory against this radical incumbent, we will need sacrifice and participation from fellow patriots like YOU.
She’s super serious, look, she used the word patriot four times! Four mother fucking times! How much more patriotic could one possibly get? Shit, she’s the most patriotic patriot that’s every been a patriotic patriot!
My fellow Americans, our mission is clear, so clear that it could only have been delivered by God himself. We much elected Lynne Torgerson less our nation fall at the hands of radical gay libertarian islamist extremist terrorists! She, and she alone, is our only hope! Without her we will not have a steady flow of LULZ patriotism protecting this fine nation! She even has something for you greenies out there:
Lynne Torgerson the only true conservative in this race supports individual responsibility, free market solutions, balancing the budget, cutting spending, peace through strength, is pro life, 1 man 1 woman marriage, fighting radical Islamism, pro Israel, pro women’s rights, greenish on environment and food.
Emphasis mine. She’s greenish! Sure it’s not green but it’s close enough for government work! I do have to contact her campaign though, she’s using some improper verbiage. It’s not peace through strength, it’s peace through power:
I would also have accepted strength through unity:
I’m sorry, I have to stop now. My sides are hurting from all the laughing I’ve been doing at the sheer absurdity of her campaign literature and blog posts. I can hardly breathe! In fact I hope, nay, I pray she never takes down her site because it’s one of the largest sources of comedy I’ve found on the Internet. It’s like she wants to point out the absurdity of the Republican Party but doesn’t realize she wants to do it, yet is doing it.