Rampant Lawlessness

Ladies and gentlemen, things are far worse than we expected. With the shutdown of the government it appears that peoples’ respect for law and order has disappeared entirely. After paying park employees to barricade monuments in Washington some veterans became displeased and decided to, get this, bypass the barriers and visit one of the monuments anyways:

WASHINGTON — Wheelchair-bound elderly veterans pushed aside barricades to tour the World War II Memorial Tuesday morning, in defiance of the government shutdown which closed all of the memorials in the nation’s capital.

The four bus loads of veterans — visiting from Mississippi as part of a once-in-a-lifetime Honor Flight tour — ignored National Park Police instructions not to enter the site as lawmakers and tourists cheered them on.

“We didn’t come this far not to get in,” one veteran proclaimed.

Oh the humanity! Didn’t they get the memo? The government is shutdown and that means the monuments, which require to manpower to staff, are closed.

Seriously though, good on these men. This entire shutdown fiasco is insane. The government has actually invested a great deal of resources into shuttering parks and monuments just to make a pointless case about how much we need the government. In addition to paying employees to shutdown mostly unmanned parks and monuments the government has also paid system administrators to take down content from automated websites and replace them with noticed informing people that the website will be unavailable for the duration of the shutdown. More people should follow the example of those World War II veterans and tell the government where to shove its barricades.

Government Shutdown Part VII

My trip around Cedar Lake brought me to the neighborhood that borders the west bank. I’m sure it was a nice place to live at one time but now it looks like Berlin at the end of World War II. Bodies were scattered all over streets and lawns. Several of the bodies belonged to gang members, which meant the killbots were likely operating in the area. I hoped that they had swept through the area and continued moving west. If any killbots lingered my survival would be unlikely. My careful movements through the neighborhood came at a cost: it was now night and I was nowhere near Minneapolis.

I came across a home that wasn’t too badly damaged and decided to let myself in. The door was already kicked in so I didn’t need to make use of my lockpicks. As I entered the home I tried to remain silent. My efforts were hampered by the crunch of broken glass that littered the floor. Nobody seemed to take notice though and I continued my sweep of the house. After I was sure nobody else was inside I chose a bedroom in the basement, shut the door, barricaded it with furniture, and fell down on the bed. In the silence I thought I could hear screaming in the distance but I may have been hearing things. Perhaps I would find some government in the morning.

Government Shutdown Part VI

Getting to the meadow wasn’t easy. As it turns out I grossly underestimated the scale of the threat. Shortly have heading up the north trail my way was blocked by a derailed train. Without the government the train system, along with everything else, went straight to Hell. I’m not sure what events specifically lead to the derailment but it was likely due to either improperly maintained track or an improperly maintained train. We would need government inspectors to look it over to know for sure. Were my troubles limited solely to a derailed train I wouldn’t have worried to much. Regulations vanished when the government shutdown and the train companies must have no longer seen any reason to avoid hauling dangerous cargo. Combine the lack of rail regulations with the lack of oversight on weapon research and you have a truly terrifying problem: antonymous killbots.

Everybody knows that the defense contractors have been researching fully antonymous killbots for some time now. The only thing preventing them from unleashing their robotic horrors was the federal government, which put strict laws in place to prevent such a catastrophe. With the government shutdown the defense contractors decided to make a power grab and loaded their killbots onto trains and sent them into major metropolitan areas. The killbots must have been activated and released when the train derailed. Judging by the number of bodies that littered the ground the killbots had either been active for some time or were horribly efficient at dispatching human targets.

I encountered the first killbot as I was working my way around the derailed train. It was a bipedal model approximately five feet in height and had two machine guns in place of arms. Upon seeing me it opened fire. Luck shined down on me because I was able to tip my bike over behind a train car. Bullets riddled the car but the killbot seemed unable to see me. Thank God it didn’t have X-Ray vision or some other such science fiction nonsense. Hearing the killbot approach I popped out of my hiding spot just long enough to learn a valuable lesson: .308s don’t do shit against killbots. Even the legendary stopping power of my rifle glanced off of the titanium exoskeleton of the walking death machine. I reclaimed my spot behind the train car as the killbot opened fire again. There wasn’t much I could do other than run. As I lurched to the other side of the tipped car I heard another killbot approaching. Who would have known that walking killing machines would also be able to communicate with one another? Those corporate bastards have no morals other than those imposed on them by the state!

That’s when I made, what I thought was, the dumbest move possible: I heaved myself on top of the tipped car and ran. As I ran both killbots took aim and opened fire. Hitting the ground (or car in this case) saved my life because the killbots ended up hitting each other instead of me. It was something right out of Hollywood, something that the staff at Elite Operators Inc. said was possible but I never believed. Both killbots toppled over and burst into flames. Thinking quick I retrieved my mountain bike and booked west. I planned to take Cedar Lake Parkway around Cedar Lake. Going to the meadow seemed unwise with the threat of killbots roaming the area but I didn’t know what else to do. At least the killbots would kill me quickly. The gangs would probably torture me now that the government shutdown has allowed them to dispense entirely with any form of morality.

I also faced the grim reality that night was catching up to me and there was no way I was going to beat it to Minneapolis. Thinking that I would have to either camp out the night without the government operating or travel the lawless area in the dark terrified me more than either the gangs or killbots.

Government Shutdown Part V

Even I wasn’t prepared for the horrors that existed around Lake Calhoun. The towering infernos that used to be apartment complexes understated the severity of the situation. As I approached the Lake Calhoun area I was attacked by approximately 50 gang members. The only thing that saved me was a tree that had fallen onto the trail. Although I’m left assuming the gangs fell the tree to make it easier to jump anybody riding the trial the plan backfired as the tree absorbed the bullets that were meant for me.

Taking cover behind the tree I unslung my .308 and prepared myself for was was likely to be the bloodiest engagement of my life. I recalled everything I read on the Internet gun boards and the training I had taken from the elite operators at Elite Operators Inc. The first thing I had to do was get off of the X. For those of you who haven’t attended Elite Operators Inc. or watched their DVDs, the X is wherever you are standing at any point in time. If you’re not moving you’re dying, period. But I had a problem. There was no way I was going to make it to the Hennepin Hilton before nightfall without my bike and there was no way for me to drag my bike without taking a bullet. Raiding the police headquarters ended up being the smartest move I have made since the government shutdown. Pulling the pin from one of the grenades I tossed it towards the trigger happy gang members. After a few seconds it exploded and just like in the movies the blast was so powerful it killed or incapacitated most of the gang members. In the confusion I swung up, shouldered my rifle, and quickly dispatched the few gang members that were still standing. I was able to freely navigate myself away from the X. But in which direction would I flee from the X?

I was certain that continuing east down the trail was a bad idea. Ambushes were like to be encountered every 10 feet or so. Instead I had to make my way around the trail. Heading north would take me between Cedar Lake and Lake of the Isles while heading south would take me to Lake Calhoun. Neither option sounded very good as both lakes were surrounded by wealthy neighborhoods and therefore raiding gangs. Of the two bad options North sounded better. There was a bike trail that followed a railroad track and eventually exited into a wide open meadow. While I would have little cover in the meadow I knew that most of the gangs were armed with handguns and lacked any formal training. Their range would likely limited whereas my .308 easily gave me an effective range of 1,000 yards. If I fell back to my training I could probably get a mile or so out of the gun so long as I angled it up high enough (Elite Operators Inc. taught me how to lob bullets almost like mortars). One downside of heading north is that it would put me closer to the gangland of North Minneapolis. Seeing as how all over Minneapolis had instantly turned into North Minneapolis as soon as the government shutdown I wasn’t too concerned.

I pedaled north, praying that I could get into Minneapolis before nightfall.

Government Shutdown Part IV

Even on the Cedar Lake Regional Trail things are bad. As I continued towards Minneapolis I was attacked by wild dogs. Without the government to control predator populations their numbers have exploded. Prey populations have already been exhausted. Now predatory animals are hunting humans in a last ditch effort to save themselves from starving. I was lucky, the pack that attacked me wasn’t very organized. They all jumped out from the same side so I was able to swerve my bike, draw my Glock, and put rounds into several of the lead dogs. Seeing an opportunity for an easy meal the trailing dogs began to dead their own dead. This put much needed distance between myself and those vicious beasts.

After that encounter I came across another person biking the trail. Internet gun boards always said that USPSA would get me killed and it almost did. Hoping I could join forced with this biker I greeted him. The fucker drew a gun on me and started firing. Fortunately his aim was on par with a New York City police officer, which afforded me time to draw my Glock and put two rounds in the bastards head. I learned a valuable lesson during this encounter: unlike USPSA, there are no no-shoots in this world absent of government. After searching his corpse for any valuable items, of which there were none, I continued on hoping another dead body would keep any nearby predators off of my ass.

Seeing the multimillion dollar apartment complexes and homes burning in the distances I known that I’m quickly approaching Lake Calhoun, which serves as the unofficial border between the suburbs and Minneapolis. Things are likely to get worse since the gangs have likely converged on this area to pillage from the wealthy lakeside dwellings.

Government Shutdown Part III

I made it to the police station. As I feared none of the cops showed up to work and there’s absolutely no government here. The gangs haven’t raided this place yet so I’m able to find some reprieve from the collapse of civilization. Originally I planned to take the police’s Bearcat if no officers were present but seeing the roads in such disarray I doubt I could navigate that monster. Instead I opted to take some body armor, grenades, .308, and .45. Once again I left the poodle killing 9mm and 5.56x45mm weapons. Every Internet gun board aficionado knows that such weaponry is reserved for show and tell, not combat, which is also why the police keep a stockpile of actual combat calibers on hand. I did take the liberty of disabling the guns through. Why give the gangs any ideas of arming themselves?

I also raided the kitchen. Power has been spotty since the government shutdown but the inside of the fridge still felt cold so I took my chances. The stove was gas powered and still operated so I cooked up a quick meal. There was no reason to eat the emergency food in my bug-out bag if I didn’t need to. Food that was portable and nonperishable was added to my bug-out bag.

Looking around the station I happened upon a radio. Flicking it on and keeping the volume low to avoid attracting more gang members I slowly cycled through the available channels. Most of the channels were filled with static but one had a person broadcasting, what seemed to be, a new report. From what I gathered he was in Minneapolis where things were bag but he alluded to some possible government near the Hennepin Hilton (the Hennepin County Jail for those of you not from around here). I knew I couldn’t stay in my current location for long so I had to make a quick decision. Keep heading out of the metropolitan area and take my chances with rural Minnesota or head into Minneapolis and possibly find some government.

I decided to head into Minneapolis. In all likelihood, without government, the people living in the rural areas had already turned to cannibalism.

Government Shutdown Part II

Things are even worse than I imagined. The gangs have already turned to highway banditry. Any vehicles that are found capable of traversing the deteriorated roads are attacked. Anything of value is seized and the occupations are either killed or kept as slaves. By keeping to back roads and cutting through lawns I’ve been able to avoid much of the danger. But even on these back routes violence is a constant threat.

The first firefight happened as I was cutting through the backyard of a burning home. Seeing the house ablaze I assumed the gangs had already killed the inhabitants, taken anything of value, and moved on. I was wrong. A shot rang out from the direction of the house. Ditching my bike I raise my LR-308 and ran behind a shed for cover. All the time I spent reading gun boards on the Internet paid off. Using what I learned from those message boards I was able to identify three threats and their approximate locations. As they unloaded on the shed I was hiding behind I sneaked into the woodland that bordered the property. From here I was able to move, albeit slowly to maintain stealth, into a better firing position.

One of the gang members crept out of his hiding spot and made a beeline for my bike. He obviously believed it to be of value and wanted to grab it before one of his fellow gang members did. I almost felt sorry for the stupid bastard as I put a .308 into his skull. Before he even hit the ground I was already moving to a different position. I learned from the movie Red Dawn (the original, not the new one) that you never fire from the same location twice otherwise the enemy will be able to zero in on your location. By the time I found my second firing position the two remaining gang members were already blindly firing into the woods.

My second firing position gave me a perfect shot at the other two gang members. The first one I drilled in the head with my .308 again but the second one I shot in the knee. If I was going to learn about the gang’s current activities I needed to interrogate one of its members. Walking over to the screaming gang member I quickly took the pistol from his hand and dropped my knee onto his chest. Using one hand I hit his blasted knee with the grip of his own pistol. He howled in pain. Then I put the pistol to his head and demanded he tell me the location of his friends. Just as he was about to spill the beans I heard more gangs heading in my direction. The sounds of gunfire had probably piqued their curiosity. Knowing that my odds of surviving another firefight were slip I collapsed my prisoner’s throat with his own pistol. Seeing that the gang members were carrying 9mms, and remembering what I read on the Internet about 9mms being too weak for effective combat, I tossed their weapons into the burning home. Then I grabbed my bike and pedaled off in the opposite direction of the approaching gang.

I’m now making my way towards the police station. If I make it there and I’m lucky I’ll find some government. Even if I don’t I’ll be able to acquire better equipment.

Government Shutdown Part I

I’m writing this to let you know that I was wrong. I believed that humanity could get along without government but now that the government has shutdown I see that I’ve been wrong. It happened almost instantly. As soon as it was announced the government was shutting down the gangs began to gather. My sleep was interrupted by the scream of dying men and raped women. The gangs had begun to lay siege to my sleepy suburb. Fortunately I had prepared for this scenario. Grabbing my bug-out bag, Glock 21SF, and DPMS LR-308 I headed out the door. What I found when I stepped outside was beyond my ability to describe, but I will try. All of the nearby houses were in flames and the roads had already deteriorated past the point where anything besides the most well equipped off-road truck could traverse. Seeing this I ran back inside and grabbed my mountain bike. There was no way I would be able to drive my car on these roads and, honestly, I don’t think I want to be on the roads with the gangs patrolling the area.