Category: Humor

Why I Love Gunnies

I love being a gunnie because we’re all sarcastic pricks. Borepatch points out a thread on AR15.com where an author made the following request:

For a book that I am writing, I am interested in meeting/interviewing people who cache weapons. To get a sense of who I am and where I come from, look at www.danbaum.com, and also see the August issue of Harper’s magazine, where I wrote a piece about concealed carry. If you’re interested in talking to me, please email danbaum@me.com. Thank you.

No I’m not taking the time to remove his e-mail address, I don’t protect the stupid. Of course he got the standard response which was ridicule and members digging up the author’s anti-gun background.

On MNGunTalk we have a fellow drop by with the following request:

hey there. I have been assigned a project for my social behaviors class that involves me examIning a subculture of modern day society. I figured what better subculture to study than that of the gun buff. What i need to find out is what draws people to your subculture, what esablishes leaders and influances power withing said subculture, and any flaws or drawbacks caused from being in this cultural group. So i guess what i need from you guys is your input on these questions. if you could help me out that would be great. at the end of the study this will all be compiled into a final research paper that i will turn in for a grade. thank you.

We’ve been giving him the standard response of sarcasm and correcting his atrocious spelling and grammar. This is why I love the gun community, everybody is a prick so I fit right in.

iPhone Users are Whores

A graphic has been going around as of late claiming to depict that iPhone users get more sex than Android and Blackberry users. Of course they don’t actually read the y-axis that is labeled “avg. number of sexual partners @ age 30.” Going by what that graph actually says iPhone users are whores while Android users are far more faithful to their significant others.

Game, set, match!

Good Day Sir

Style points are awarded to this man. Apparently a flight attendant got into a kerfuffle with a passenger. Instead of just taking it the attendant brought down a rain of profanity against the passenger and then concluded by pulling the emergency chute, sliding down the inflatable slide, and running from the airport. It is not known if the flight attendant first put on a top hate and a monocle before his brilliant exit.

It is reported that the attendant has been arrested, probably for being way too fucking awesome. As they say play big or go home.

Leave it to the Geeks

What happens when those fuckwits at the Westboro Baptist “Church” protest a comic convention populated entirely by nerds? Some pretty funny shit! My favorites? The sign that says “Odin is God” and the guy cosplaying as Jesus holding a sign that says “God loves everybody.” This is why I’m proud to be a geek.

A hat tip to Random Nuclear Strikes for this hilarity.

Only in Russia

So I hit up the BBC to see what’s going around in the world and I come across the best headline ever in the European section:

Scores of Russians have died in the past few weeks amid a heatwave – many drowning after drinking too much vodka.

That’s a headline I would expect on the Onion. Anyways without context that’s hilarious but with context it seems Russians are going swimming in lakes and rivers due to the heat but drowning because they’re actually too drunk to swim. Now that I think about it it’s funny even with context.

Only in Australia

Read this article:

A drunk man who climbed into a crocodile enclosure in Australia and attempted to ride a 5m (16ft) long crocodile has survived his encounter.

The crocodile, called Fatso, bit the 36-year-old man’s leg, tearing chunks of flesh from him as he straddled the reptile.

Seriously where else in the world could a headline like that be made?

Making Something Scary

I’m still doing this from my phone so you’re not getting my usually long posts. But a post over on Bruce Schneier’s blog about “cyber warfare” had a rather interesting line in it:

Googling those names and terms — as well as “cyber Pearl Harbor,” “cyber Katrina,” and even “cyber Armageddon” — gives some idea how pervasive these memes are. Prefix “cyber” to something scary, and you end up with something really scary.

It’s true. For instance here is a list of good cyber threat terms that should be showing up anytime soon:

  • cyber Alamo
  • cyber World War II
  • cyber ragnarok
  • cyber apocalypse
  • cyber zompocalypse
  • cyber Vietnam policing action
  • cyber end of the world

Yeah we can play the same game as the hype-mongers as well. Maybe the NSA should give me a job.

That About Sums it Up

Larry Correia sums up the difference between our president and Russia’s… prime minister (practically their president though):

I’ll say this for Russia. I’ve actually got more respect for Vladamir Putin than I do for Barack Obama. Now don’t get me wrong. Putin is super-villain evil. I’m not saying he’s good in any way, but I can respect ruthless strength. Barack Obama is a flailing pansy in comparison. Putin takes his shirt off to skin bears. Obama holds Paul McCartney concerts. Putin has executed dissidents and kung-fu fought MI-6 agents in a secret volcano base. Obama gets cranky and whines whenever people dare question him. Putin uses his cyborg laser eye to vaporize people who dare question him, and then he goes back to his harem of sexy KGB seductresses with codenames like Iron Maiden and Black Widow. Sadly, Russia’s leader would kick our leader’s ass in a fight, and that’s just sad. They’ve got the final boss fight from a Chuck Norris movie and we’ve got Steve Urkel.

That’s the big difference, Putin is a bad ass and Obama is simple bad (or just an ass, maybe both just not used together as a single term). Also more left-wing extremist violence:

Meanwhile, a bunch of left wing hoodlums are burning stuff at the G-20, just like they do. Every. Single. Year. Why is it that the media is so deathly afraid of us right wingers being violent, though we hardly ever are, yet lefties and socialists shut down a city for a week every year and nobody notices because it’s so ho-hum. It’s probably because if a single local Tea-Party got into a mood we could overthrow a small country. My side doesn’t screw around. When we get violent, we go big or we go home. I see your trash can through a store window and raise you a Barrett M-82, hippy.

Just be thankful that us right-wing extremist terrorist libertarian racist bigot antisemites are non-violent. If we were like the left-wing hippies who can’t comprehend basic economics everybody would be free to go about their business without interference from the government and wouldn’t have a gun pointed to their head demanding obscene tax money to pay for government programs… wait.

Just be happy we’re not a violent bunch.