We’re All Going to Die – Page 3

It’s all Fun and Games Until Zombies Show Up

It appears that all of my years of practice, preparing, and planning my soon pay off. The zombie apocalypse may have just begun:

One man was shot to death by Miami police, and another man is fighting for his life after he was attacked, and his face allegedly half eaten, by a naked man on the MacArthur Causeway off ramp Saturday, police said.

The horror began about 2 p.m. when a series of gunshots were heard on the ramp, which is along NE 13th Street, just south of The Miami Herald building.

According to police sources, a road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away.Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area.

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.

For the sake of humanity I hope the police show the naked face eater in the head, doing anything less is meaningless. Furthermore they better keep the victim isolated as he’s likely going to rise from the dead and try to eat somebody else’s face.

This is why we have to train people, zombies are coming.

Who Comes Up with this Stuff

I’m not a fan of advertisements that try to scare buyers into purchasing a product. I find such a tactic to be underhanded and rather distasteful. Fear mongering is the tool of the state, it’s what the state uses to make people into obedient scared serfs, and seeing others sink as low as an organization built upon violence is just say, especially when that entity relates to firearms. Here’s an excerpt from a recent e-mail advertisement I received:

Christopher,

Do you believe me when I say Minnesota is just as dangerous as any other place on the planet?

Well it is… and I will show you what I mean…

No, stop right there. Minnesota is not just as dangerous as any other place on the planet. Let’s take a look at the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) Unified Crime Report (UCR) for 2010. According to the UCR Minnesota has 1.8 murders per 100,000 people. Meanwhile the murder rate in Brazil for 2010 was 25 per 100,000 people (the numbers used on Wikipedia were sourced here but I can’t read Spanish so it doesn’t do me much good, Google Translate dues verify the numbers though). That means Brazil has a murder rate ~13.9 times that of Minnesota. I would say Brazil is likely a far more dangerous place than Minnesota.

Obviously one can become a victim of violent crime anywhere but the changes are higher in some areas than others. For example, my chances of being the victim of a violent crime are much higher in North Minneapolis than in the Bondry Waters. That doesn’t mean I can’t be a victim while kayaking the Bondry Waters but the chances are much lower than cruising through North Minneapolis on my bike, therefore North Minneapolis is more dangerous using any common sense definition of the words ‘more’ and ‘dangerous.’

I’m a huge proponent of self-defense, and I recognize the fact that you could be attacked by some no-good thug at any point in your life, but I’m not going to say Minnesota is just as dangerous as any other place in the world. That’s stupid. By that logic driving without wearing a seatbelt is just as dangerous as driving with a seatbelt because in either case you may die in a car crash.

More Scare Mongering

If the state loves one thing it’s scare mongering. Agents of the state realize regular individuals wouldn’t be willing to put up with many of the more draconian measures used to beat down the citizenry so they package them up as solutions to fight terrorists. Since the United States hasn’t suffered a terrorist attack in some time the state periodically tries to remind the citizenry that certain death is just around the corned and if we don’t comply with the state we won’t survive. That’s all this little stunt is, an attempt at fear mongering:

Nearly 40,000 Twin Cities residents will go to their mailboxes on Sunday, May 6, to find an unusual delivery: An empty pill bottle representing a powerful antibiotic that would be delivered in the event of a bioterrorism attack in Minnesota.

The exercise, dubbed “Operation Medicine Delivery,” has united the Minnesota Department of Health with the U.S. Postal Service to answer questions that have plagued public health officials since the terror attacks of 9/11. What if an airborne anthrax attack struck the Twin Cities? How would millions of Minnesotans get the medicine to survive?

More than 300 mail carriers will participate in the test, fanning out across four neighborhoods in Minneapolis, St. Paul, Robbinsdale and Golden Valley. They plan to reach 37,000 households in four ZIP codes: 55101, 55102, 55411 and 55422.

The overall goal of the exercise would be to deliver preventive doses of medication to most people within the first 48 hours of a bioterror attack, though much of that would happen through local medicine dispensing sites run by area public health organizations. During an actual bioterror crisis, the couriers would be alerted through an automated phone message.

Let me get this straight, in case of a biological attack on the Twin Cities medication will be delivered through standard mail delivery? So you will have to wait 48 hours (unless it’s a weekend, the Post Office doesn’t do Sundays and they don’t want to do Saturdays either) until you get medication necessary to save your life? That’s not even a solution. You know what a better idea would be? Getting the hell out of the Twin Cities if it comes under attack. Fortunately I live and work in the suburbs so if Minneapolis or St. Paul are attacked I’m on the outer edge already and therefore can make a rapid escape. Of course attacking the Twin Cities would be a complete waste of time since nobody else in the Union gives a crap about Minnesota.

It’s Officially Official, I’m a Domestic Terrorist According to the FBI

No longer relegated to the back corner of the bar of state enemies, I’m not officially an official domestic terrorist according to the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI):

The FBI considers sovereign-citizen extremists as comprising a domestic terrorist movement, which, scattered across the United States, has existed for decades, with well-known members, such as Terry Nichols, who helped plan the Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, bombing. Sovereign citizens do not represent an anarchist group, nor are they a militia, although they sometimes use or buy illegal weapons. Rather, they operate as individuals without established leadership and only come together in loosely affiliated groups to train, help each other with paperwork, or socialize and talk about their ideology.

Holy shit my head hurts after reading that. First I’m going to, again, bring up the fact that sovereign citizen is an oxymoron:

Sovereign citizen is a contradiction of terms. A sovereign is a supreme ruler while a citizen is a subject of a state. You can not be a supreme ruler and a subject at the same time. On the other hand a sovereign individual is a supreme ruler of an individual, him or herself. If you’re going to make us appear as a threat please get the terminology right at the very least.

Beyond that let me focus on the, “Sovereign citizens do not represent an anarchist group… Rather, they operate as individuals without established leadership…” Huh? Sovereign individuals aren’t anarchists but operate as leaderless individuals? I would love to know what the FBI’s definition of anarchist is because there are various forms of individualist anarchist philosophies. If anybody working for the FBI is reading this post (let me use a Department of Homeland Security keyword to ensure you are, drill) please take a few seconds to read my post that explains different schools of anarchism.

A person who considers themselves a sovereign individual very well could be an anarcho-capitalist, voluntaryist, or a mutualist (which can actually be seen as an individualist or collectivist form of anarchism depending on how you look at it). Unless the FBI is using an extremely narrow definition of anarchist the statement on their own page is contradictory. Furthermore they state Terry Nichols as an example of a sovereign individual but fail to mention any others. Murray Rothbard, Walter Block, and Jeffery Tucker would all consider themselves sovereign individuals but, like myself, advocate strict adherence to the non-aggression principle.

Blatant undefined generalizations are one of the biggest problems with the United States government. They will say all sovereign individuals are violent and thus label anybody who consideres themselves a sovereign a domestic terrorist. What this does is group non-violent individuals such as myself with the rare violent individuals, which makes both groups appear the same in the eyes of law enforcement.

I’m sure those reading the FBI’s article are wondering, “How can I identify a sovereign individual?” Easy, the FBI has a list of identifying factors:

Sovereign citizens often produce documents that contain peculiar or out-of-place language. In some cases, they speak their own language or will write only in certain colors, such as in red crayon. Several indicators can help identify these individuals.

References to the Bible, The Constitution of the United States, U.S. Supreme Court decisions, or treaties with foreign governments

Personal names spelled in all capital letters or interspersed with colons (e.g., JOHN SMITH or Smith: John)

Signatures followed by the words “under duress,” “Sovereign Living Soul” (SLS), or a copyright symbol (©)

Personal seals, stamps, or thumb prints in red ink

The words “accepted for value”

They also carry fraudulent drivers’ licenses to indicate their view that law enforcement does not have the authority to stop their vehicle or may write “No Liability Accepted” above their signature on a driver’s license to signify that they do not accept it as a legitimate identification document.

What? Writes in red crayons? I’m not sure where they came up with that one. Oh, referencing “The Constitution of the United States, U.S. Supreme Court decisions, or treaties with foreign governments” makes one a sovereign individual and thus a terrorist? Damn… that basically covered every lawyer, law professor, and libertarian in the country. I guess I’ve been wondering how long it would take the FBI to label the United States Constitution a terrorist document, now I know.

The Censorship War Against Terror

I’m getting very sick of this fear mongering performed by our government. United States authorities decided two papers published about bird flu were in need of revision, and when the government says revision they mean censorship:

US authorities have asked the authors of two controversial bird flu studies to redact key details after a government advisory panel suggested the data could be used by terrorists.

The papers show how a bird flu variant can pass easily between ferrets.

Holy shit, the terrorists may learn that bird flu can be used against ferrets! Not ferrets! We love those mischievous cute little critters! Quick demand the report be censored!

Let’s look at this under a more serious light. The United States government must believe Al Qaeda has a team of crack biologists who specialized in virology. That’s the only possible way that they could be in the least bit worried about this information spreading. Were I to read the report my brain would probably collapse in on itself due to complete stupidity regarding viruses. You can just read a research paper and gain a complete understanding of the material unless you also have the requisite prior knowledge on which the paper is based. Does the United States government believe real life is like Fallout where you can pick up a book, use it, and gain an instant +2% to a related stat? If Al Qaeda, the Taliban, or any other such entity had leading virologists I would think we’d have been attacked by some kind of super plague by now. Unfortunately for Al Qaeda and fortunately for us extremely intelligent researchers usually aren’t violent psychopaths.

You can just ignore everything I’ve said though because the government has a solution:

Editors at the journals Science and Nature say they will not agree to the redactions until they are assured the data will be accessible to researchers.

A spokesman for US health authorities said such a system was being prepared.

I’m sure anybody who passes a government background check, meets the government mandated qualifications to be a researcher, and pays an exorbitant licensing fee will have access to this new database system. On the other hand top level researchers in other countries (especially terrorist countries like not American) can just go fuck themselves along with the amateurs. We can completely ignore the fact that some of the world’s greatest scientific breakthroughs were done by amateur researchers who would likely not meed the government’s requirement of the title.

What this censorship will do is make finding a cure or vaccine much more difficult because only those blessed by the divinity of government will be allowed to participate in such research. In other words the potential number of researchers trying to find a cure or create a vaccine will be greatly reduced.

More Fear Mongering by the Department of Homeland Security

The federal government never stops with the fear mongering. They likely realize that if those of us residing in the United States don’t remain fearful we’ll be less likely to surrender our civil liberties and money peacefully. This time the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is claiming Al Qaeda is planning to sew bombs into people:

That’s right: Al-Qaida wants to surgically implant bombs into people. Or so the government claims.

Not that there’s an imminent threat, says the Department of Homeland Security. Or a surgery bomb plot that’s been foiled at the last stitch. No, this was just an “aspirational” terror plan – one that the government is now ever-so-conveniently leaking.

[…]

Supposedly, this fantastical story is based on “new intelligence,” Reuters reports. And we’ve been told by people in position to see such information — who wouldn’t talk on the record — that this is more than just a page from the last Batman script.

What was the source of this “new intelligence?” Bruce Schneier explains:

Actually, not really. This is an “aspirational” terrorist threat, which basically means that someone mentioned it while drunk in a bar somewhere.

What’s next? Perhaps DHS can pilfer the Moonraker script for their next round of fear mongering, then they could have Al Qaeda in space!

I’m a Scientific Anomaly

When I was a teenager I listened to heavy metal, played violent video games, watched violent movies, owned firearms, and spent large amounts of time talking to people on the Internet. According to all of the studies that keep floating around I should be a violent antisocial psychopath who shoots other people. Well now it appears I should also be depressed and suicidal:

TEENS listening to head-banging heavy metal music are at risk of depression and suicide, a study reveals.

The Melbourne University paper says early intervention at schools is necessary before behavioural problems start.

Dr Katrina McFerran’s study spanned five years and found heavy metal music led to mental illness in some teens aged between 13 and 18.

“Most young people listen to a range of music in positive ways; to block out crowds, to lift their mood or to give them energy when exercising, but young people at risk of depression are more likely to be listening to music, particularly heavy metal music, in a negative way,” she said.

Either I’m the biggest fucking scientific anomaly on Earth or these studies are complete and utter bullshit.

Can I Have One Hobby the Media Won’t Shit All Over

Damn it media sources would you let me have one hobby without surrounding it with a bunch of fear mongering and demands that the hobby be tightly controlled and regulated (or banned)? Over the last several months I have become interested in lasers going os far as to design one that I plan on building later this month (from components, not from scratch). Recently Wicked Lasers released a 1W green laser (that doesn’t actually run at 1W from the reviews I’ve read) and it seems the media is already on the war path trying to demonstrate how dangerous these lasers are.

Apparently this 1W green laser is going to blind every astronaut and destroy every satellite. You know what other source of light exists that is actually far brighter than any laser? The damned sun! If satellites and astronauts aren’t being blinded by that giant fucking fusion reactor our humble little planet hurtles itself around once a year this little 1W laser isn’t going to do any damage to them either. A laser having to punch through an atmosphere isn’t going to be even remotely dangerous compared to the light given off by the sun traveling through vacuum.

The truth of the matter is that lasers of any notable power are much like firearms, dangerous if used improperly but a lot of fun and perfectly safe when used properly. Laser, like firearms, have safety rules that must be abided by and safety equipment that must be worn if you want everybody to remain safe.

Ultimately that means those wanting to partake in such hobbies must learn the rules involved. This is true with any hobby involving potentially dangerous equipment (firearms, lasers, wood working, racing, chemistry, horseback riding, etc.). Instead of expressing this fact the media decides that they must strike fear into the hearts of viewers, readers, and listeners by making shit up. This type of media fear mongering is what killed hobby chemistry sets, which used to be pretty awesome and included many chemicals that did potentially dangerous things (and thus were more fun for children wanting to learn chemistry). Similar fear mongering is what lead to innumerable laws being placed against firearms and ever continuing restrictions against shooting ranges (remember the lead from bullets will kill all the wildlife if we don’t shut those horrible ranges down).

Instead of drumming up unnecessary fear would you media outlets instead do something productive? For instance you could write a story warning about the dangers of a specific hobby and explain safety precautions that should be taken by participants. What am I thinking? Logic and help from the media? Next I’ll be asking for unicorns that fart rainbows and sunshine.

Department of Homeland Security Gives Warning About Nothing

The Department of ~~Motherland~~ Homeland security has issued a warning:

The US Department of Homeland Security is warning of a “credible threat” […]

Yeah the threat is called the Department of Homeland Security and it’s directly attacking our liberties every day. At least that’s what I’m assuming the warning is over because those in government aren’t saying:

Giving no specific details, a statement said: “It’s accurate that there is specific, credible but unconfirmed threat information.”

This warning isn’t credible as it’s the government issuing it. Unless we’re just supposed to trust the lying bastards that something may happen… perhaps… possibly. With how much lying they’ve done so far how are we supposed to take them seriously on anything, especially when they don’t provide any evidence.

The real terrorists are already here working in the government. Since the attacks on September 11^th, 2011 the civil rights Americans are supposed to enjoy have been eroded to a point of nonexistence. Everything you do that the government disapproves of is labeled terroristic activity and your name is tossed onto a secret list if you’re caught partaking in one of these unapproved activities (or if they just feel like tossing your name on because it’s a secret list and us serfs aren’t privy to information regarding how one gets placed on the list).

Instead of constantly trying to drum up fear it would be far more efficient if our government simply started a war with Eastasia and made every American participate in Two Minutes Hate on a daily basis.

Should We Fear Global Cooling Now

Global warming is the single largest threat to the human race! It’s going to kill us all! Won’t somebody use a monopoly on the initiation of force to make polluters stop before the turn the Earth into a second sun? Wait… what’s that? There is a new study that is talking about the cooling affect of Asia’s pollution? Well what the Hell? Obviously somebody is wrong somewhere:

The paper raised the prospect of more rapid, pent-up climate change when emerging economies eventually crack down on pollution.

World temperatures did not rise from 1998 to 2008, while manmade emissions of carbon dioxide from burning fossil fuel grew by nearly a third, various data show.

The researchers from Boston and Harvard Universities and Finland’s University of Turku said pollution, and specifically sulphur emissions, from coal-fueled growth in Asia was responsible for the cooling effect.

Can’t you people make up your minds? When I started school I remember hearing how the next ice age was imminent and it was implied the human race would be devastated. After a while the problem became acid rain which was going to eat us all alive in five years if we dared to step outside. Then it became ~~global warming~~ ~~climate change~~ global climate disruption. Now we’re going back to the threat of a new ice age again? Seriously can you prophets of doom and disaster please make up your fucking minds on what apocalyptic scenario we’re going to be facing during the end times?

How about this for a wake up call? We don’t understand our planet well enough to know what is and isn’t normal. This doesn’t apply only to weather but to every aspect of our planet’s ecosystem. On top of that anthropomorphizing these end of times scenarios speaks most to our overly inflated egos. We claim the human race is responsible for everything yet lack any solid scientific evidence that demonstrates most of these claims. I’m waiting for the day when research has demonstrated that there is a 99% chance that aliens exist because they are using a global heat ~~increasing~~ decreasing death ray to wipe us all out.

Before we start demanding the government use violence for force people to reduce specific types of pollutants maybe we should first ensure we have a proper understanding of what is going on.

Let me also bring up a final note before some asshole comments about how I’m not properly understanding the story and its implications. Much of my writing is semi-satirical and over-exaggerated on purpose. I realize many of the statements I make are over-simplifications but that’s not from my lack of understanding research papers and articles but because I’m trying to make a specific point. In this case that point is the science is still undecided when it comes to human involvement in climate yet people are asking governments to use violence to force people to reduce the output of specific chemicals.

This article has little to do with the topic of climate-whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-call-it itself. If you want that type of content read Borepatch as he often posts very good articles involving that topic. There I just saved you a ton of typing you were about to do because you felt somebody was wrong on the Internet. Feel free to post a thank you for reducing the amount you needed to type though.