iPhone Users are Whores

A graphic has been going around as of late claiming to depict that iPhone users get more sex than Android and Blackberry users. Of course they don’t actually read the y-axis that is labeled “avg. number of sexual partners @ age 30.” Going by what that graph actually says iPhone users are whores while Android users are far more faithful to their significant others.

Game, set, match!

Good Day Sir

Style points are awarded to this man. Apparently a flight attendant got into a kerfuffle with a passenger. Instead of just taking it the attendant brought down a rain of profanity against the passenger and then concluded by pulling the emergency chute, sliding down the inflatable slide, and running from the airport. It is not known if the flight attendant first put on a top hate and a monocle before his brilliant exit.

It is reported that the attendant has been arrested, probably for being way too fucking awesome. As they say play big or go home.

Thank God for Air Conditioning

You know I’ve always been a fan of air conditioning. This most likely derives from the fact that I don’t do well in heat and thrive in the -20 degree weather of Minnesota’s winters. I now have another reason to love air conditioning courtesy of the Red Star:

Q What is your theory on how air conditioning has influenced politics?

A In 1960, only about 12 percent of homes were air-conditioned. Then it really took off and made it possible for larger populations to move to hotter regions, the South and the West. The Northeast and the Midwest have increased in population just 27 percent over that time, while the South and West have grown more than four times that much. The economic and political centers of gravity moved along with the population from the North to the Sun Belt, which traditionally is more conservative, bringing more red-state seats to the Electoral College. If we would have had the population distribution in 2000 that we had in 1960, Al Gore would have won the presidency.

That’s right air conditioning may have cost Al Gore the presidency. God I love air conditioning and irony, especially when they’re combined. Speaking of Gore how much do you think he spends to air condition his multi-million dollar mansion?

Leave it to the Geeks

What happens when those fuckwits at the Westboro Baptist “Church” protest a comic convention populated entirely by nerds? Some pretty funny shit! My favorites? The sign that says “Odin is God” and the guy cosplaying as Jesus holding a sign that says “God loves everybody.” This is why I’m proud to be a geek.

A hat tip to Random Nuclear Strikes for this hilarity.

He Gets an ‘A’ for Effort

Sometimes criminals deserve a little nod for creativity. Take Daryl Simon who was a fraudster and facing prison time. In the hopes of getting leniency in his sentencing he tried showing the court he was a good Samaritan by photoshopping himself helping people attending physical therapy.

That takes balls… and a heaping helping of stupidity. It appears his Photoshop-fu is weak as he was caught. For punishment at being bad at Photoshop he received an additional 50 months to his sentence. Still funny though.

Only in Russia

So I hit up the BBC to see what’s going around in the world and I come across the best headline ever in the European section:

Scores of Russians have died in the past few weeks amid a heatwave – many drowning after drinking too much vodka.

That’s a headline I would expect on the Onion. Anyways without context that’s hilarious but with context it seems Russians are going swimming in lakes and rivers due to the heat but drowning because they’re actually too drunk to swim. Now that I think about it it’s funny even with context.

Only in Australia

Read this article:

A drunk man who climbed into a crocodile enclosure in Australia and attempted to ride a 5m (16ft) long crocodile has survived his encounter.

The crocodile, called Fatso, bit the 36-year-old man’s leg, tearing chunks of flesh from him as he straddled the reptile.

Seriously where else in the world could a headline like that be made?

Making Something Scary

I’m still doing this from my phone so you’re not getting my usually long posts. But a post over on Bruce Schneier’s blog about “cyber warfare” had a rather interesting line in it:

Googling those names and terms — as well as “cyber Pearl Harbor,” “cyber Katrina,” and even “cyber Armageddon” — gives some idea how pervasive these memes are. Prefix “cyber” to something scary, and you end up with something really scary.

It’s true. For instance here is a list of good cyber threat terms that should be showing up anytime soon:

  • cyber Alamo
  • cyber World War II
  • cyber ragnarok
  • cyber apocalypse
  • cyber zompocalypse
  • cyber Vietnam policing action
  • cyber end of the world

Yeah we can play the same game as the hype-mongers as well. Maybe the NSA should give me a job.