Yesterday’s Apple Announcement

There isn’t much else worth writing about so I’ll fill some space by giving a quick summary of yesterday’s Apple announcements.

First Apple introduced us to the new iPhone 6. It’s thinner and faster, just like every other iPhone. But here’s the twist, there are two screen sizes. The first, dubbed the iPhone 6, is slightly larger than the current iPhone. But Apple saved the best for last because the company has finally released a phone that is big enough to be impractical to carry around and it’s calling it the iPhone 6 Plus. Now Apple users can experience the joy of a phone that’s too big to fit in most pockets but too small to be a useful tablet.

Next Apple announced Apple Pay. I think the name explains it quite well, it’s Apple’s new payment system. This looks interesting simply because current credit and debit card security in this country is a joke. When it can be used everywhere credit cards are accepted I will probably take a bigger interest.

Finally Apple’s big announcement, the Apple Watch, made everybody at the event euphoric. Basically it’s the ugliest device Apple has released since I started using the company’s products. Seriously. It’s really fucking ugly. On the upside it does pack a lot of features into its hideous shell. The watchband is easily removed and replaced with other Apple Watch compatible bands because using standard watchbands would be too much to ask for. As expected it uses inductive charging, contains a heartbeat monitor, and a gyroscope. You interface with the watch via the crown, which scrolls shit when you turn it and dumps you back to the home screen when you press it in. There’s also another button on the side that brings up your contacts. Oh, I almost forgot, it also has a touchscreen, which renders all of the hardware controls pretty pointless. One of the big questions with any smartwatch is how long the battery lasts. Well Apple totally didn’t mention that so we have no idea. But come 2015 you will be able to get your hands on one for the low price of $349.00. Or for just a little bit more you could buy a Hamilton Khaki Field watch, which nets you a nice looking piece with a mechanical movement. Your choice.

After the Apple Watch announcement I began to suspect that Apple was trolling everybody at the event. My suspicions were confirmed when Apple subjected every poor son of a bitch at the event to U2. Talk about adding insult to injury. Oh, and U2 announced another shitty album. But it seems that the band finally realizes that its music is shitty because you can get it free on iTunes, which is too high of a price if you ask me.

I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.

Add this story to the reasons you can’t trust anybody these days. A man who was charged with being a terrorist, although he committed no crimes related to terrorism, was first tortured in a South Carolina military prison. After that he was sent to the court system where he was threatened with a life sentence. In 2007 he was sentenced to 17 years in prison. But the justice system is a funny thing and the rules can change on a whim, which is what happened:

MIAMI (Reuters) – A U.S. federal judge in Miami re-sentenced Jose Padilla on Tuesday to 21 years for a 2007 terrorism conviction after an appeals court deemed the original 17-year sentence too lenient.

Now instead of the original 17 years he going to be locked in a cage for 21 years. His crimes? Conspiracy to commit crimes, which means he didn’t actually commit a crime but the state merely said he was planning to do so:

Padilla, an al Qaeda recruit and the first U.S. citizen labeled an enemy combatant, was convicted on charges of conspiracy to murder, kidnap and maim people abroad, as well as providing material support for terrorism.

He was accused of plotting to detonate a dirty bomb in the United States. In all likelihood the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) arrested him when he turned out to be too smart to actually press the button on the fake detonator for the fake bomb supplied to him by the agency in another one of its fake terrorist bomb plots.

I Understand that Words are Hard But Dictionaries are a Thing

As somebody who uses words everyday I understand that they can be difficult. Sometimes you think of the perfect word to make your smartass zinger shine but are uncertain if you’d be using it in the correct context. For those situations there are these things called dictionaries. In fact if you go to Google and type “define:word” you will be greeted with the definition of “word”. Because this wonderful technology known as a dictionary exists I’m not terribly forgiving when people totally fuck up their word usage in a professional piece of writing. So when I saw this petition claiming to oppose a federal takeover of the Internet I realized that the author doesn’t know how some very basic works work:

Dear Mr. Wheeler,

Americans have been getting faster and faster Internet speeds because of competition in the free economy, not because of anything the government has done.

To which I ask, what competition? What free economy? This is one of the biggest problems with the net neutrality debate. One side wants to use the state to mandate net neutrality and the other side has no fucking clue how Internet provision works in this country. There is very little competition in the Internet provision market specifically due to government regulations. In the current environment a handful of companies such as Comcast, Century Link, AT&T, and Verizon have near monopolies, if not outright monopolies, in many areas. People who are really lucky may have two Internet Service Providers (ISP) to choose from but that’s not always the case. Thanks to lobbying efforts by large ISPs the option for communities to build their own ISP isn’t even legal in many areas.

If you think the net neutrality debate is currently between a government regulated market or a free market then you have no clue what’s going on. The debate is between a government regulated market or a government regulated market with the only question being what set of regulations should be used to fuck the American people. Don’t fall for ploys like this petition that claim to support a free market in Internet provision. A free market isn’t even an option on the table at this point and the only people who claim it is are shills for large cable providers that are trying to sucker free market advocates into supporting their own subjugation.

Comcast Continues Its Quest to be The Most Dickish Company Ever

Comcast has a mission. That mission is to be the single most dickish company in the world. Between it’s horrible customer service, attempts to convince people it supports net neutrality through shady marketing, and continued attempts to regulate competition out of existence Comcast gotten far in realizing its goal. But all of this still isn’t enough to win the crown of dickishness so Comcast is now injecting advertisements into webpages served by its publicly accessible Wi-Fi access points:

Comcast has begun serving Comcast ads to devices connected to one of its 3.5 million publicly accessible Wi-Fi hotspots across the US. Comcast’s decision to inject data into websites raises security concerns and arguably cuts to the core of the ongoing net neutrality debate.

A Comcast spokesman told Ars the program began months ago. One facet of it is designed to alert consumers that they are connected to Comcast’s Xfinity service. Other ads remind Web surfers to download Xfinity apps, Comcast spokesman Charlie Douglas told Ars in telephone interviews.

The advertisements may appear about every seven minutes or so, he said, and they last for just seconds before trailing away. Douglas said the advertising campaign only applies to Xfinity’s publicly available Wi-Fi hot spots that dot the landscape. Comcast customers connected to their own Xfinity Wi-Fi routers when they’re at home are not affected, he said.

Now that’s some dickish behavior! Injecting code into a page without the permission of the page owner is something mostly attributed to malicious software. Granted Comcast is pretty malicious so I believe calling its injected ads malware isn’t dishonest. But this story also makes another very important point:

One way to prevent this from happening, he said, is for websites to encrypt and serve over HTTPS. But many sites do not do that.

There’s no reason this day and age for a website to have an unsecured connection available. Companies like StartSSL will provide free Transport Layer Security (TLS) certificates for personal use and change a very reasonable fee for commercial use. Almost every (I’m not actually aware of any exceptions) personal computer, tablet, and smartphone made in the last decade is capable of communicating via secured connections. If you’re running a website get a TLS certificate, load it on your server, and force the unsecured connection to redirect to the secured connection (that’s what I do on this site). For those of you who are using a hosting service that doesn’t give you the option of enabling TLS demand that they offer that capability or provide the certificates and enable TLS for you. Allowing only TLS connections not only prevents third parties from eavesdropping but it also prevents third parties from altering pages in transit. We’re at a point (and have been for a long time) where the benefits of TLS far outweigh the negatives.

Some Things Never Go Out of Style

Thanks to the shitstorm in Ferguson, Missouri people are not noticing that the Department of War Defense has been giving and awful lot of military equipment to local law enforcers. I’m not sure why local law enforcers need armored personnel carriers and machine guns to write speeding tickets, parking citations, and other types of revenue generating fines but I’m at an even bigger loss to understand what local law enforcers are going to do with goddamned bayonets:

NPR recently published an in-depth report on the Department of Defense’s 1033 program, cataloging every military item sent to law enforcement agencies from 2006 through April 23, 2014. Vox pointed out the fact that the cache of weapons donated to local cops included 11,959 bayonets.

Maybe they need them to conserve ammo by stabbing family pets during no-knock raids. Perhaps local law enforcers have found that shooting family pets kills the poor creature too quickly so they want to option to affix bayonets so they can kill it in a way that prolongs the agony. Or local law enforcers may just want them because they think they make them appear more intimidating. Regardless I’m not sure what they’re going to do with fucking bayonets but I do know that it won’t be good for you or me.

Your Daily Fear My Fellow Minnesotans

Are you afraid? If you’re not you should be. Why? Because the anarchists the communists the drug cartels the illegal immigrants al-Qaeda al-Shabaab the Islamic State (IS) is coming to get you!

ST. PAUL, Minn. (KMSP) – Bob Fletcher once held the title of Ramsey County sheriff, and he’s reaching out to his law enforcement contacts again because he believes America should be on guard for a new kind of terror attack. This week, Fletcher sent out a bulletin to police agencies to warn them about a new kind of car bomb that has its own brochure.

Al Qaeda published the document, titled “Car Bombs Inside America,” as a step-by-step guide. The detail is amazing, but aside from instructing people to use propane tanks and an oxygen cylinder to create the destructive device, the publication also gives recommendations for targets — including Times Square, casinos in Las Vegas, and oil trains.

Oops, my mistake. It was al-Qaeda this time, not the IS (seriously, Bob Fletcher really missed an opportunity to cash in on the current fear). But they’re supposedly going to come to Minnesota and pull a Time Square bomb here. Which means that the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) will have to find some schmuck with lukewarm intelligence, radicalize him, claim he joined al-Qaeda, and and give him a fake bomb so it can arrest him when he presses the detonator and make itself look like a hero.

Mr. Fletcher, if you’re reading this (which you may very well be since I’m sure I’m the kind of guy you try to make people afraid of), please note that nobody is afraid of an FBI created bomb plot anymore. Nor is anybody going to take the threat of al-Qaeda with car bombs seriously because, let’s fact it, that scenario is pretty ridiculous. And next time make sure your boogeyman is up to day. It’s embarrassing to see law enforcement agents mention al-Qaeda when the IS is the new hotness in fear.

Trunk Guns

I recently had a conversation with a fellow gun nut in which the topic of trunk guns came up. He asked me what kind of gun I have in the trunk of my car and I replied that I didn’t have one. This was apparently the wrong answer as I was informed that having a gun, namely a rifle, stored in my trunk is critical to my survival. Without a long gun sitting in my trunk there is no way that I will be able to survive major civil unrest such as rioting. And he topped it off with the famous line, “A handgun is for shooting your way to your rifle.” He must have attended the My School is the Only Valid School of Gun Fighting. I hear it’s quite popular but most of the instructors and students that I have met from that school are assholes, which has dissuaded me from seeking training there.

Instead of telling you what the one and true proper self-defense plan is I’m going to explain how self-defense plans vary from person to person based on criteria unique to each individual. I will do this by explaining why I don’t have a trunk gun and why I don’t feel as though I’m going to die a horrible death due to my lack of preparation. As always your mileage will vary. Your situation is almost certainly different than mine and therefore requires a different set of plans. Don’t take this post as me saying trunk guns are stupid and nobody should have one. What I’m trying to explain in this post are some of the criteria I use to develop some of my self-defense plans and why I have come to the decisions that I have.

It’s no secret that handguns, in general, suck when it comes to stopping power. To compensate for lack of stopping power most schools of self-defense recommend firing two shots into a target immediately and then assessing whether or not more are necessary. Seeing this it’s pretty easy to understand why military personnel rely on rifles for their primary weapon and have a handgun as a backup. It’s also easy to see why people would prefer a rifle over a handgun in a self-defense situation. Needless to say a rifle in your trunk is much closer than one in your safe at home.

Let me first say that I live in the Twin Cities, which is Minnesota’s largest metropolitan area. Obviously that has a lot to do with my situation and shapes my self-defense plan. The chances of me getting mugged are higher than somebody living in a rural area but the chances of me encountering a large (relative to Minnesota) animal such as a black bear are practically nil. Another factor worth mentioning is that periods of civil unrest in this area are rare. That brings me to my self-defense plan. Statistically the defensive scenarios I am most likely to be involved in are immediate in nature. Things like muggings, drunken assholes looking to start a fight, or getting stuck in the middle of two gang members’ relational issues. In these scenarios my ability to access defensive force must be immediate and if I’m able to get to my car I have most likely escaped the danger. And if I haven’t the time it takes me to access my trunk, retrieve my rifle, and continue the fight isn’t that dissimilar to enter my vehicle, start my car, and get the fuck out of there. For me the mobility my car offers almost always outweighs the firepower a rifle brings to the table.

But let’s discuss the primary justification for trunk guns: civil unrest. History shows that civil unrest in Minnesota, and the United States as a whole, is pretty rare. The chances of me being stuck in the middle of a civil unrest situation are much smaller than, say, my car being stolen or broken into in Minneapolis. A regular auto theft sucks but it sucks a whole lot more if the thief not only gets a car but also a loaded rifle. Furthermore, in a time of civil unrest, I believe you’re highest chance of survival comes from not drawing attention to yourself. There are two risks when you draw attention to yourself, which toting a rifle does in a metropolitan area, rioters and police. Rioters act in a slightly more random nature than police but as a general rule it’s best to not stick out if you want to avoid being targeted for violence. In fact it’s probably a better idea to attempt to appear to be a rioter when rioters are near than it is to be toting a rifle. Police, on the other hand, are less random. During a time of civil unrest they’re looking for people that appears to be rioting or otherwise acting dangerously. Carrying a rifle is likely to raise red flags with local police officers and those red flags will likely increase the chances of them shooting you first and asking questions about your innocence later. After all the words “office safety” justify almost any violent action taken by police and the fact that you were visibly in possession of a weapon during a riot will give them the ability to claim their safety was in jeopardy.

As I said earlier, the most common self-defense situations I am likely to encounter are immediate in nature. If somebody pulls a gun on me and demands my wallet I don’t have time to get to my car, pull my rifle out of the trunk, and shoot the mugger. Periods of civil unrest usually have a lead up time to them. Consider the events that occurred in Ferguson. Riots didn’t break out immediately after the shooting. There was a lot of news coverage of the shooting beforehand as well as signs that the local population was very upset by it. The best way to survive a period of civil unrest is to be elsewhere. Pay attention to your local news. If there are signs of impending civil unrest in an area make sure you’re not in that area. While I do understand that that’s not always possible in most cases it is. Being somewhere else will increase your chances of survival much more than being near the unrest with a rifle in your trunk.

There you have it, some insight into why I don’t have a trunk gun. Let the ridicule from the students of the My School is the Only Valid School of Gun Fighting begin (which is to say let the impotent rage flow through their keyboards)!

California Finally Addressed One of the State’s Most Important Issues

California has a lot of issues. It has a notably high unemployment rate, getting a carry permit is entirely at the mercy of whatever tyrannical sheriff you’re unfortunate enough to live under, its tax rates are absurdly high, and San Fransisco is there. But there is one major problem that has affected the lives of every citizen of that forsake stretch of land that gone unaddressed… until now!

The California Assembly on Monday passed legislation that would ban the state from selling or displaying the Confederate flag, or any similar image, with Republican gubernatorial candidate Tim Donnelly casting the sole vote in opposition.

Thank almighty Cthulhu that that’s finally been taken care of! But I noticed that the prohibition suspiciously doesn’t apply to the Nazi flag. Coincidence? I’ll let you decide.

If You Call Yourself a Sheepdog Then You’re Probably Not a Sheepdog

Of all the posts on this blog none has garnered me more hatred than my criticism of Grossman’s sheepdog, sheep, and wolves analogy. Seriously, just read some of the comments and see how many people base their self-worth on the idea that they’re some kind of protector of humanity. Over two years later I not only find myself still believing that Grossman’s analogy is flawed but I also believe that almost everybody who subscribes to that analogy and believes themselves to be a sheepdog isn’t.

In Grossman’s analogy the sheepdog is the thin barrier that lies between the weak, pathetic, ignorant sheep and the vicious wolves that lurk around every corner. I find the analogy flawed because it implies that a person is either a protector of humanity, a stupid sheep who will get eaten in time, or an asshole wolf who exists solely to kill the sheep. I mean, come on, just read this tripe:

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen: a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath–a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? Then you are a sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero’s path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed.

What if you have the capacity for violence but care only to use it to protect yourself? Or you have the capacity for violence but care only to use it to protect you and yours? How about those people who have a capacity for violence yet refrain from using it? And what about those who have a capacity for violence, use it against nonviolent individuals, and carry a badge? Reality is far different than what Grossman implies. People don’t fit nicely into tidy categories and most of the self-proclaimed sheepdogs aren’t considered what Grossman implies to be sheepdog.

If you go on to read the analogy you will see, for example, that Grossman considers police officers to be sheepdogs. I fail to see how modern police, who exist primarily to prey on the populace by extorting wealth from them, are defenders of anybody. But what’s really annoying is that many people outside of the police and military who consider themselves sheepdogs share many of the wolfish tendencies of a lot of modern police officers. The worst of which is the “Just give me an excuse, boy!” personality trait. People who exhibit this personality trait are the ones who are looking for any excuse to bring violence against somebody. For example, one of Baton Rouge’s finest who wanted somebody to pull a Ferguson in his town so he could thump some skulls.

Many of the people I know, both in real life and on the Internet, who consider themselves sheepdog are also hoping somebody will do something, anything, that will give them an excuse to go all Judge Dredd on their ass. The only thing keeping them from shooting bad guys, and by bad guys I mean basically anybody they dislike, is that they are lowly beta wolves. Sheepdogs, more often than not, are actually wolves and there are two types of wolves. Most self-proclaimed sheepdogs outside of law enforcement are lowly beta wolves and the police are the alpha wolves. Beta wolves want to go all Judge Dredd on people but the alpha wolves don’t like it when beta wolves challenge their monopoly on violence. So the alpha wolves keep the beta wolves relegated to just wishing for the day that they get a reason to prove their sheepdog claims to be more than bluster. This isn’t heroic behavior and the people who hold this attitude aren’t the defender of humanity.

As people wanting nothing more than to wield violence most self-proclaimed sheepdogs spend a vast majority of their time training to do exactly that. Something that always amazes me when it comes to the sheepdog crowd is their emphasis on training for some of the most retarded gun fighting scenarios, in regards to people living in the United States, every conceived. They drill for multiple attackers invading a mall and taking hostages, entrenched terrorists who are firing on the sheepdogs’ position and can only be advanced on by leapfrogging so that one sheepdog can provide covering fire to another sheepdog as he moves towards danger (because sheepdogs only ever move towards danger), and counterinsurgency after a foreign army has successfully invaded and taken over their hometown. What they seem to never drill for are scenarios where the mugger gets the jump on them and at gun point demands their wallet, a shooter opening fire in a mall causing most of the people to run chaotically in a panic and thus have made finding and engaging the attacker almost impossible, or two individuals engaging in a fight that’s impossible to ascertain who initiated it and who is simply defending themselves. If you want to consider yourself the defender of stupid sheep then you should at least practice for scenarios that may actually happen. Or, you know, learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).

It’s true, some self-proclaimed sheepdogs are very competent with a firearm (but most aren’t). Anybody who spends every weekend practicing to engage the entire Mongol horde should have developed at least some competency with a firearm. But those people often suck at deescalation techniques (again, they want to get into a fight so deescalation is counter to their goal), employing the minimum force necessary to resolve a situation, and having a conversation lasting more than ten minutes that doesn’t devolve into ranting about how pathetic sheep are and how awesome they and their fellow sheepdogs are. The best fights are the ones that don’t happen and if you are actually interested in defending people you should start by learning to how deescalate a situation. Likewise not every situation requires a gun. Sometimes you can resolve a situation by restraining somebody long enough for them to cool down. And when things do go completely south and you need to use a firearm you will almost never have an AR-15 with a chest rig full of loaded magazines. Instead you’ll have a concealed handgun and maybe an extra magazine or two. Again most self-proclaimed sheepdogs seemed prepared for war not for defending members of their community from bad things that may actually happen.

The only people that I have ever heard use the sheepdog analogy unironically are those whose egos need regular stroking and the only stroking they find pleasurable are images of themselves being heroes. Meanwhile the people who actually protect members of their community; emergency medical technicians (EMT), people who know CPR, people who walk other people to their car at night so they don’t get harassed, etc.; usually aren’t bragging about how they are the thin line that rests between sheep and wolves. That’s probably because they’re actually helping people instead of talking about it. But a lot of people have latched onto Grossman’s analogy because it allows them to fantasize about being a hero as well as gives them a reason to feel superior to anybody who doesn’t spend every weekend preparing to fight off the Mongol horde.