And Here I Thought It Was Just Because I’m an Asshole

I think I now know why nobody reads my blog:

Online traffic is one of those things you’re not supposed to talk about.

But anyone who writes online and proclaims, “I don’t care if anyone reads me,” is a liar.

If you didn’t care if anyone read you, you wouldn’t write online. In fact, you wouldn’t write at all.

As I always say this sit is here to amuse me although I’m glad others find my self-amusement entertaining enough to read. I will agree though that anybody who blogs and says they seriously don’t care if anybody reads what they post is likely lying of delusional. The people who don’t care if others read their material are usually in their bunker writing out a manifesto. Those of us who enjoy having an audience write blogs. But let’s see why nobody reads my blog:

1. You’re boring.

Damn… got me there. It’s hard being exciting when you’re a computer programmer who spends his off time reading or at the firing range. Then again that’s why I usually don’t write about myself.

If your idea of being interesting is writing about complex tax codes, what your cat ate for breakfast (unless it’s Maru), or how much you bench pressed, you may be boring. It all depends. The fact of the matter is that it’s not the thing, it’s the relationship to the thing, and when it comes to writing, it’s not the subject, it’s your relationship to it.

I believe this is something many new bloggers should take note of. For every topic out there you can expect about ten thousand bloggers are already covering it. You need to give people a reason to read your blog. Some people derive their traffic from being content curators while others try to get traffic by writing opinion pieces (which is what this site does). Neither method works though if you don’t actually care about the subject you’re writing about. For example if I were to start writing about horseback riding this site would become even shittier than it already is because I’ve never ridden a horse before. On the other hand I have a deep pasion for personal rights and the philosophy behind those rights so I can write about the topic all day (as evident by the existence of this blog). So what other reasons are there explaining why nobody reads my blog?

I could make a list of all the various personality characteristics of which I am not a fan, but waffler is really up there at the top. Sometimes women are wafflers, even more so than men, because it’s easier to be nice. Actually, it’s not easier to be nice. It’s easier for everyone else for you to be nice, but it’s harder for you, because you never say what you really think, and nobody ever knows, and then you want to go home and saw at your wrists with a dull bread knife.

I have may problems but not saying what I think isn’t one of them. Next:

Sure, you can think of women who are controversialists, but I suspect it’s easier to be a controversialist if you are a man than if you are a woman. To be a controversialist on the internet, you have to deal with writing things that other people don’t want you to say, and you have to deal with all the criticism that gets launched at you, and, after all that, you have to do it again, and again, and again. It’s like pissing in the wind, and there’s a hurricane.

I also have no problem writing things that other people don’t want to say. So over all I guess the only reason nobody reads my blog is because I’m boring.

Seriously though if you’re a blogger read that article. It’s short and offers a good deal of incite for writing a blog that people may actually chose to read.

The Irony Tastes Sweet

I have a friend who we will call Boris in order to protect his true identity. Boris is a communist (like a real communist, I’m not saying this as an insult) who has been working hard at finding work. During the span of time that he’s been unemployed he’s been writing numerous complaints about being poor (from his iPad) and about how the “rich” should pay their “fair share” of taxes.

Low and behold Boris has found a job but alas fate has decided to be a cruel bitch as he had the following to say:

My new found job lands me in the 25% tax bracket… really US? Can I ever cut a *$^*# break….

I can’t tell you how hard I laughed when I read this. Oh the irony of demanding the “rich” pay more taxes and then landing a new job only to be made to pay more taxes is almost too great. Boris if you’re reading this I’m sorry but this is absolutely hilarious from where I’m sitting.

Following his post Boris also tried to justify his anger but claiming people making over $1 million should be made to pay a 90% income tax. It’s nice to see he finally found an exact definition of rich which, not surprisingly, is above his pay scale. I really wish Boris would just jump on my bandwagon and detest all taxation as theft because then he could remain ideologically consistent while complaining about having to pay more income tax.

If you’ll excuse me my stomach is in pain from all the laughing I’m doing right now.

Apparently Making Pistols Isn’t the Only Thing Gaston Glock Knows

It seems building damn fine pistols isn’t the only thing Gaston Glock is good at, he’s also good at picking up women younger women:

Gaston Glock, 82, founder and owner of Glock g.m.b.H., has married Kathrin Tschikof, 31, after a seven year relationship. Kathrin is the CEO of the Glock Horse Performance Center, an equestrian organization owned by Gaston Glock.

Not bad for an 82 year-old man. It is my firm belief that Mr. Glock needs to write a book, I’d read it.

Kudos to Apple’s Support

I just want to throw out a kudos to Apple’s support. The other day the power on my iPhone gave up the ghost and I was able to get it replaced in under fifteen minutes. All I had to do was talk into the Apple store, setup an appointment (which I could have done before I came but I didn’t know it at the time, either way the first open appointment was 10 minutes from when I entered), and then show my problem to a tech.

The last time I had to deal with the replacement of an electronic device it was through Best Buy. Best Buy’s “support” was a nightmare and a half. I came in with a computer that obviously had a hardware problem as determined by the loud clicking sound made by the second harddrive. By the time the tech was done hemming and hawing around they finally stopped trying to blame me for installing something malicious and fixed the problem. I believe my overall time was something around an hour and a half. Meanwhile when I showed my power button failure to the Apple tech he went in back, tried to clean out any potential debris that may have gotten behind the power button, and failing that came back with a replacement phone. No hemming, no hawing, and no stupid questions asking whether or not I had tried reseting my phone to factor defaults.

I greatly appreciate a company that will stand behind their product. So kudos to Apple for having good support and not wasting my time when the problem I experienced was obviously a manufacturing fault.

It’s Good to See the FBI Handling the Really Important Cases

With all of the violent crimes happening in the United States I’m glad to see the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) are putting resources into the really important cases:

The FBI is investigating computer hacking attacks on celebrities after photos which appear to show Scarlett Johansson nude were posted online.

The images, apparently taken by the actress, follow the leaking of naked photos of stars including Jessica Alba.

The FBI said it was investigating “the person or groups responsible for a series of computer intrusions involving high-profile figures”.

Something tells me that if I took nude pictures of myself and they ended up being stolen by some malicious computer hackers that the FBI wouldn’t be performing any investigation. I guess I’m just not important enough to utilize their stretch-thin-as-it-is resources.

We Survived

I just wanted to let everybody know that even though there was a specific and credible threat yesterday we all survived. I’m sure the Department of Motherland Homeland Security will take full credit for the fact no terrorists actually tried to attack us yesterday and then claim they need even more power in order to continue keeping us under their thumb safe.

September 11

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the September 11th, 2001 attacks. Many people have written posts about the history of the attacks, the outrage and shock experienced during the attacks, those who entered the attacked towers to save everybody they could, and other incredibly touching articles.

I remember shortly after the attacks ads were playing on every television channel urging us to continue our lives as normal less the terrorists win. At the same times egregious attacks against our civil rights were being perpetuated by those in Washington D.C. through sickening legislation such as the PATRIOT Act, the Aviation and Transportation Security Act, amendments to the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, and other laws that granted the government unlimited power to destroy anybody whom they labeled a terrorist. What’s worse is that these assaults against our civil rights continue to this day with the government using the excuse of terrorism to grab more and more power.

While we spend time remembering those who gave their lives trying to save others we should also take time to remember the aftermath of the attacks. Our government that is supposedly by the people for the people has taken every chance to turn our country founded on freedom into a police state. What’s even more sickening is that our government continues to increase its power over our everyday lives using the excuse of terrorism. After 10 years you would think our government could show some fucking respect for those who did in the 9/11 attacks and stop trying to turn our country into a new Soviet Union. Instead they continue to exploit those deaths in a rabid power grab.

While remembering those who perished during the 9/11 attacks also take a moment to reflect on the actions of our government since then. The terrorists initiated the attacks but our government exploited those attacks which is absolutely disgusting to think about even today. We should honor those whose lives were lose during the 9/11 attacks by working our damnedest to restroe the liberty this country was founded on.

Tips For New Bloggers

Did starting a blog suddenly become the in thing to do? I’m asking this because several of my friends have started their own blogs within the last few months and one of them actually believes he’s going to make money on his writing endeavor. Although I feel my friend’s profit seeking mission will end only in failure I thought I’d try to help him out as well as any other new bloggers out there. In this post I will post my findings and observations as far as blogging is concerned.

First let me explain why those getting into blogging should take what I say about blogging seriously.

1. I’ve been blogging for a couple of years.
2. I’m now raking in thousands of dollars off of this site.
3. Respectable companies now give me products to review and look forward to my findings.
4. As you can see I’m an expect on webpage design.
5. My opinions are respected throughout the world due to this very site.

OK so only one of those five things is actually true (hint: the first one). But I believe blogging for a couple of years is as much as you can hope for when it comes to blogging credentials. These are my tips for making a successful blog.

Nobody cares about your personal life. Let’s just get that out of the way right now. Unless you’re a fucking Navy SEAL nobody is going to read a website that consists primarily of posts about your personal life. The reason for this is simple; your life is boring. Although there is no problem with slipping in some information related to your personal life once in a while it shouldn’t make up a majority of your posts unless your goal is to have a readership that is mostly made up of friends and family.

Update regularly. If you want people to visit your website then you need to give them a reason. Somebody who updates his website a couple of times a month isn’t likely to develop a reader base beyond the size of that local communist newsletter put out by the liberal arts student working in the basement at the A/V department of your college. My goal is to write a bear minimum of four new posts every weekday although I strive for more. This gives my meager readership something to come to my site for beyond the giant checks I send them to artificially inflate my numbers (note: if you’re not currently receiving a check then you’re not in the club and you’re not getting in so don’t ask). Overall I think this is the most important thing when creating a blog.

Express your opinion on the topics you write about. I know a lot of people complain that news in this country is too biased. Have you have stopped to ask yourself why such biases exist? It’s because nobody wants to watch, read, or listen to completely unbiased news. If you want to understand what unbiased news would be like pick up a scientific research paper and read through it; that’s as close to an unbiased news sources as you’re going to get and it’s damned boring. When people just want the news they can go get it elsewhere, when people want an opinion they turn to blogs. Be outspoken about your opinion because that’s what runnings a news sources is all about, just ask Benjamin Franklin.

Have fun. Seriously your blog shouldn’t exist to make money but for your personal amusement. If you aren’t having fun then you’re not going to update regularly and you’ll never establish a consistent readership base. Without a consistent reader base you’ll never be able to brag about the size of your e-penis which is really the only reason anybody posts anything on the Internet.

Don’t listen to other bloggers. Yup I made you wade through that entire series of text just to close by saying that you shouldn’t listen to me. Why is that? Because only you know what you want to do. Your blog should be fun for you and that means doing what you want to do. I’m also well aware of the fact that I’m an asshole, there’s no need to let me know.

I Love Driving a Truck

Although I was rather foolish in my youth and decided my Ford Ranger had to have the biggest engine on Thor’s Earth there are some great advantages. My truck guzzles gas at a rather alarming rate giving a mear 17.5 miles per gallon (regardless if I’m driving on the highway or in the city which is strange). But it has a few advantages that make it worth driving.

The first and most obvious advantage is the fact that is pisses the greenies off. It makes me feel good driving a truck that makes every Earth first fucker out there hate my guts and want nothing more than my immediate demise. Those self righteous bastards need to be pissed off more often in my not so humble opinion.

The second advantage is the fact that I can actually get under the vehicle without the assistance of a hoist. Being I live in an apartment complex the facilities I have available to perform regular maintenance on my truck are limited. This isn’t that big of a problem because I can actually crawl under the truck without having to elevate it in any way and perform simple tasks like changing the oil. I did try the whole let-somebody-else-change-your-oil thing but that only resulted in the wrong oil filter being placed upon my vehicle. I’m usually the first to decry zero tolerance policies but when it comes to my truck I have zero tolerance for incompetence. The old phrase, “If you want something done right do it yourself.” rings just as true today as it did when the phrase was first stated. Likewise having somebody else change you oil is fucking expensive. I think I save the money I pay in gas on the ability to change my own oil.

I don’t think I even need to mention the fact that Minnesota winters are much easier to deal with when you have a vehicle that can go through everything Mother Nature throws at you. During one of the major blizzards last year I had no trouble traversing the snow covered roads while some of my friends had to call into work and tell their bosses they were unable to come in that day.

So even though trucks guzzle gas, which is getting more expensive by the day, I don’t think you’ll ever find me in a car. They may be fuel efficient but if your ride isn’t pissing off the greenies then you ride sucks.