Tag: Random Funny Shit

That About Sums it Up

Larry Correia sums up the difference between our president and Russia’s… prime minister (practically their president though):

I’ll say this for Russia. I’ve actually got more respect for Vladamir Putin than I do for Barack Obama. Now don’t get me wrong. Putin is super-villain evil. I’m not saying he’s good in any way, but I can respect ruthless strength. Barack Obama is a flailing pansy in comparison. Putin takes his shirt off to skin bears. Obama holds Paul McCartney concerts. Putin has executed dissidents and kung-fu fought MI-6 agents in a secret volcano base. Obama gets cranky and whines whenever people dare question him. Putin uses his cyborg laser eye to vaporize people who dare question him, and then he goes back to his harem of sexy KGB seductresses with codenames like Iron Maiden and Black Widow. Sadly, Russia’s leader would kick our leader’s ass in a fight, and that’s just sad. They’ve got the final boss fight from a Chuck Norris movie and we’ve got Steve Urkel.

That’s the big difference, Putin is a bad ass and Obama is simple bad (or just an ass, maybe both just not used together as a single term). Also more left-wing extremist violence:

Meanwhile, a bunch of left wing hoodlums are burning stuff at the G-20, just like they do. Every. Single. Year. Why is it that the media is so deathly afraid of us right wingers being violent, though we hardly ever are, yet lefties and socialists shut down a city for a week every year and nobody notices because it’s so ho-hum. It’s probably because if a single local Tea-Party got into a mood we could overthrow a small country. My side doesn’t screw around. When we get violent, we go big or we go home. I see your trash can through a store window and raise you a Barrett M-82, hippy.

Just be thankful that us right-wing extremist terrorist libertarian racist bigot antisemites are non-violent. If we were like the left-wing hippies who can’t comprehend basic economics everybody would be free to go about their business without interference from the government and wouldn’t have a gun pointed to their head demanding obscene tax money to pay for government programs… wait.

Just be happy we’re not a violent bunch.

Here’s Your Definition of Irony for Today

Say Uncle provided today’s definition of irony. Apparently the IRS failed their recent government audit:

A new report from the Government Accountability Office inspected the tax agency’s financial statements from the 2009 fiscal year with the exacting thoroughness of, well, of an IRS auditor, and found a few billion-dollar errors.

But hey it’s only a few billion-dollar errors. It’s not like that’s real money or anything. So I wonder if the Government Accountability Office gets to make the IRS’s life Hell on Earth for the next decade.

That’s Racist

Not really but this story is funny. Apparently Chinese employers are willing to rent white people to mull around their facilities acting as employees:

“Face, we say in China, is more important than life itself,” said Zhang Haihua, author of “Think Like Chinese.” “Because Western countries are so developed, people think they are more well off, so people think that if a company can hire foreigners, it must have a lot of money and have very important connections overseas. So when they really want to impress someone, they may roll out a foreigner.”

Of course the pay kind of sucks if you ask me:

Zatkin was paid 2,000 yuan (about $300) to fly, along with a couple of Russian models, to a small city in the central province of Henan where he delivered a speech for the grand opening ceremony of a jewelry store there.

But it’s a job so simple anybody could do it… so long as they are white:

The requirements for these jobs are simple. 1. Be white. 2. Do not speak any Chinese, or really speak at all, unless asked. 3. Pretend like you just got off of an airplane yesterday.

I’m white, willing to shut up, and have no problem pretending I just got off of a plane, I could do this. Sweet deal!

Joe Biden Will Bore You to Death

Did you know we have a vice president and his name is Joe Biden? Yeah I know it’s easy to forget since he’s never really doing anything. Well anything except trying to kill CEOs of major corporations. Gleamed from the front page of Dvorak Uncensored I found out that vice president Biden is so boring as to be lethal:

Jim Campbell, the President and CEO of General Electric’s Appliance and Lighting Division, was rushed to a doctor after he collapsed just before 11:30 a.m. Monday as Vice President Joe Biden was speaking.

So is this Obama’s plan to stop the big bad corporations from ruining America? Send Joe to give a speech with each company’s top brass present and kill them? Some plan.

Here’s a video for added hilarity:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXv438LVSJo]

Speaking of Violating

The Vatican is shocked, SHOCKED I tell you at the raid the Belgian police recently did. The Belgians decided to investigate these sex abuse reports themselves since it is becoming obvious the Catholic Church isn’t. My favorite quote:

The Vatican has expressed shock at raids, including the “violation” of a cathedral crypt, by Belgian police investigating alleged child sex abuse.

The Belgian police violated the cathedral crypt just like the priest violated the children. ZING!