Chronicling the depravities of the State.
I’ve coined a new term, libertarian sharia.* Libertarian sharia states that a women should have a male escort at all libertarian events less they be hit on awkwardly by other attendees.
* I’m joking, guys. Don’t freak out.**
** Mostly joking.***
*** Eh, sort of joking?
I don’t wade into the abortion debate pool very often. Part of the reason is that I cannot become pregnant so I don’t feel as though the qualifications necessary for this debate. The other reason I avoid it is because it gets very heated very quickly. But there are times when one side makes such a good argument that I feel it is my moral duty to share it. Jonathan Stickland, a member of the Texas House of Representatives and a pro-life advocate, ironically made one of the best argument in favor of abortion:
One of the signs appeared Wednesday morning on the wall outside Rep. Jonathan Stickland’s office. It identifies the Bedford Republican as a “FORMER FETUS,” using a format similar to the plaques near most members’ doors.
Imagine if every politicians’ mother chose to get an abortion. The world would be a far better place!
I make fun of the English a lot. But there’s one thing they’ve mastered and that’s delivering insults. Although it’s impossible for me to verify this story I want it to be true if it’s not:
The royal Land Rovers were drawn up in front of the castle. As instructed, the Crown Prince climbed into the front seat of the Land Rover, with his interpreter in the seat behind. To his surprise, the Queen climbed into the driving seat, turned the ignition and drove off. Women are not—yet—allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia, and Abdullah was not used to being driven by a woman, let alone a queen. His nervousness only increased as the queen, an Army driver in wartime, accelerated the Land Rover along the narrow Scottish estate roads, talking all the time. Through his interpreter, the Crown Prince implored the Queen to slow down and concentrate on the road ahead.
While I don’t recognize royalty anymore than I recognize any position of authority, I will give Elizabeth credit that she knows how to troll like only an English person can.
Us humans have enjoyed our spot as Earth’s dominant species for some time. But there are no constants in the universe and our era is finally coming to an end. Meet our replacements:
Yes, some of Moscow’s stray dogs have figured out how to use the city’s immense and complex subway system, getting on and off at their regular stops. The human commuters around them are so accustomed to it that they rarely seem to notice.
Most of the humans I know can’t properly navigate a subway system! But I know what you’re thinking. This means nothing. After all, dogs lack opposable thumbs. Well they have an ingenious solution for that apparent weakness as well:
Sometimes a pack will send out a smaller, cuter member apparently realizing it will be more successful at begging than its bigger, less attractive counterparts.
Who needs opposable thumbs when you can manipulate a dumber species with opposable thumbs to do all of your work for you? Let’s face it, we’re little more than laborers for our new dog overlords.
I’ve been saying that Hillary Clinton is the ideal Republican candidate. And I’m not alone. Democrats still love Hillary Clinton as well so I believe she may be the first candidate to receive both the Republican and Democratic presidential nominations.
And she’s not planning to coast buy on her war mongering credentials along. Hillary has been brushing up on her skills at impersonating every Republican’s favorite foreign prime minister, Vladimir Putin:
If 2016 doesn’t work out for Hillary Clinton, the former secretary of state could find a new line of work on the theatrical stage.
During an event in Canada this afternoon, Clinton broke out into an impromptu impersonation of Russian President Vladimir Putin.
While trying to explain the difference between how the United States elects politicians and how other countries do (wink, wink – Russia), Clinton put on a Russian accent and performed a mock conversation she imagines Putin had with himself when deciding he wanted to be president.
Santorum, Romney, and Bush might as well stay home this election season. They don’t have a chance.
With all of the recent reports of police abuse there has been a notable amount of backlash against police officers. The tough on crime crowd has been pointing out that cops have a dangerous job and they’re right. At any point an officer could be required to put himself at risk of a heart attack by having to physically exert him or herself to chase down a perp:
Their job is to protect and serve – but it seems some police officers interpret this as an excuse to enjoy too many extra servings at the lunch table.
A study has revealed US cops have the highest rates of obesity among any profession in the country.
Along with firefighters and security guards, nearly 41 per cent of boys in blue are obese, according to a study in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.
This probably explains why cops are so quick to use deadly force. There’s no way many of them could possibly chase down a perp so they have to resort to the only tool that can, their sidearm.
And for those wondering the answer is yes. I’m more than willing to go for the easy fat joke when it’s against members of violent gangs.
Here’s a story I didn’t expect to read:
ORLANDO, FL (KTRK) — Police in Florida are looking for a man with no legs, hands and parts of his arms to question him about the murder of his parents.
Police named Sean Petrozzino, 30, as a “person of interest” but not an official suspect in the double murder of his parents, Nancy and Michael Petrozzino.
His parents were found shot to death at their home Tuesday morning, WFTV-TV reports.
A man with no arms and no legs who can fire a gun? He must be telekinetic!
Since Obama’s election there has been a branch of the neocons obsessed with the idea that he was secretly born in Kenya. They demanded that Obama unveil his birth certificate. When he finally did they started claiming that it was fake. But there’s a new angle to the birther conspiracy and it’s even dumber. Now a branch of neocons are insinuating that Obama’s two girls aren’t actually his girls, at least genetically speaking, but adopted children from Morocco:
While some Americans feel that the two girls have very little resemblance to their parents, others claim that the pair were adopted from Morocco. Similar to their father, there is very little evidence surrounding the two girls’ birth and background. Online searches for either of their birth records come up completely dry.
Why am I wasting your time with this? Because conspiracy theories fascinate me and therefore amuse me. They almost always involve some kernel of truth that is extrapolated from to absurd levels. In this case the evidence cited by the conspiracy theorists is particularly absurd:
Ancestry.com and GenealogyBank.com have no records of the two sisters.
Well that settles it. If Ancestry.com and GenealogyBank.com don’t have records of the girls then they must have been adopted!
My gods this shit makes me laugh so hard. I mean, seriously, there is a list at least a light year long of valid criticisms against Obama. Why are so many neocons obsessed with manufacturing conspiracy theories that are unrelated to the man’s office and entirely irrelevant even if they were true? This behavior baffles me.
I enjoy learning how to use a katana. In fact I enjoy it so much I plunked down too much money to buy one (although, granted, it’s not sharp but the point is a nasty little bitch). When I discuss that I’m learning how to use a katana with friends their first reaction is usually to ask why (and insinuating that there’s no point and my time is being wasted). Obviously a katana, like any medieval weapon, is pretty lame when compared to modern day lead throwers. But once in a while I come across a story that proves that medieval weapons are still effective at what they do:
Morgan Jr. says McGowan entered his home through a window.
Morgan Jr. says he reached for the spear which he keeps close to his bed.
“This door is open within five seconds, probably within three seconds; this door was open and he was standing no more than two to three feet away from me,” Morgan Jr. says. “I looked at him, I didn’t see any weapons however I was terrified.”
Morgan Jr. says he was able to stab McGowan once.
Polearms: fucking up people’s shit since forever. While a pointy stick may not be the epitome of weaponry today it can still wreck a day if you get within its range.
Oh, and to answer the question of why I’m learning how to use a katana, it’s because I’m a history nerd and the katana has always interested me as a weapon.
A double rainbow!
What does it mean?
Turns out it means that your goddamn sword has arrived from Japan.
I’d apologize for the shitty photo but I never claimed to be a photographer. Just know that the picture doesn’t do the actual sword justice.
And I’m just going to take the double rainbow in front of the UPS store as a positive sign because the surprise $25.00[1] Fish and Wildlife clearance certainly wasn’t. Fun fact, my sword was delayed for a day due to a Fish and Wildlife hold:
On the upside, thanks to the fine men and women in charge of fish and wildlife, I am now sure that my three foot metal stick isn’t some kind of fish or other form of wildlife. I only needed to have my package delayed for one day, be required to pick up my package at the UPS office, and pay $25.00 to get that assurance. Talk about a deal!
Seriously, shit like this is why I’m an anarchist.
[1] Here’s a fun fact. The UPS office only accepts money orders of personal checks. If you show up with cash or a credit card you won’t be able to pay your brokerage fee.