A Geek With Guns

Chronicling the depravities of the State.

Archive for the ‘Satire’ tag

Look for New York to Ban the Sun

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Says Uncle has another great article. It has been discovered that New York City experiences fewer murders on rainy days. I’m waiting for a law to move through New York’s legislation that will ban the sun to make everybody safer. Remember it’s for the greater good!

Written by Christopher Burg

November 10th, 2009 at 2:39 am

Posted in Humor

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NASA Screwed Up

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So yeah I looked up last night and in the sky I saw the moon. Recently NASA attempted to blow it up so I was puzzled why it was still there. Then it dawned on me, they didn’t hit a full moon. Those morons, they should have waited so they could have nailed the entire thing.

Written by Christopher Burg

October 13th, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Al-Qaeda Planned to Use Large Hadron Collider to Destroy the Earth

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See the headline for this article? Yeah well I came up with it myself so when you see it in the newspaper tomorrow don’t try to say I stole it. Anyways one of the employees at Cern was arrested due to suspected links to Al-Qaeda. For those of you outside of the loop Cern is the organization who controls the Large Hadron Collider that is supposed to be used to create miniature black holes.

Apparently Al-Qaeda was plotting to use this contraption to destroy the entire world, at least that’s what the media will be saying tomorrow. Apparently during questioning the arrested man said that he was put in place in order to steal the black hole generation technology. Once this technology was in the hands of Al-Qaeda they would use it to create a black hole bomb in an attempt to destroy all infidels in the world.

Written by Christopher Burg

October 9th, 2009 at 9:24 pm

The Conspiracy to Cover Up the Zombie Threat

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How many of you people heard about the most recent zombie outbreak? I’m guessing few if any. Many don’t realize this but there is a government conspiracy to cover up the zombie threat.

The University of Florida was truly prepared. Their website has a list of different disaster recovery exercises, one of which included their response to dealing with an outbreak of the undead. Well it appears the puppet masters of the government got to them as the site no longer lists the critical piece of information. Furthermore officials at the college are now on record saying the response plan was a joke.

It is high time our government realizes that covering up the zombie threat is the worst possible way to deal with it. We need to inform, and most importantly arm, the populace. Not doing this could made a small outbreak turn into a full on zombie apocalypse.

Written by Christopher Burg

October 6th, 2009 at 5:15 pm

I Love the SPAS-12

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Boy I can’t tell you how much I just love the SPAS-12 shotgun. It’s such an amazing piece of machinery. In fact I’ll go so far as to say it’s the greatest gun ever made by anybody ever. I mean what’s not to love? It has both semi-automatic action and pump-action modes. The safety lever that can potentially discharge the firearm when engaging adds much needed excitement to the shooting sports. But the absolute best part is the fact it actually makes me breakfast in the morning.

Did Franchi pay me to say this? You know what I don’t have to tell you shit regardless of what some people may say.

Written by Christopher Burg

October 6th, 2009 at 4:58 pm

It’s Official Obama is a Communist

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What makes it official? Well Fidel Castro himself complemented Obama on a job well done. OK I purposely titled the article something facetious. Honestly Castro just went on record complementing Obama on his speed dealing with Al Gore’s money making scheme global warming.

I just wanted to be the first to say Obama is a communist because Castro complemented him. Seriously it’s going to happen all over Fox news, I’ll be you money on it (well not real money but I’ll bet made up monopoly money).

Written by Christopher Burg

September 24th, 2009 at 2:43 pm

New 1911 with Amazing New Features

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Wow I just went over to The Firearms Blog where I saw a picture of what appears to be a brand new 1911 with some amazing features. Here is the picture:

Nothing a few interesting things? Well first the gun doesn’t have an ejection port. This may seem strange but this 1911 seems to be advanced enough to not actually shoot the bullet and eject the casing but shoot the bullet and casing out together. I’m not sure if this is a new caliber or bullet design but it certainly will make recovering your brass a bitch.

This gun also appears to have some kind of double trigger system. I’m unsure what this is supposed to do although I theorize it’s a method of getting around the ATF ban on machine guns. If a gun fires two or more rounds per trigger pull it’s a machine gun. Meanwhile if you have two triggers lines up together you can pull one and fire the first round. After that the front trigger will move back to press into the rear one firing another round with one trigger squeeze. This is obviously a self defense gun as this will assist the user in performing double taps.

This is certainly going to be an interesting gun when it’s officially introduced. I’m surprised it was covered in a campus newspaper actually. I’m guessing some students there helped develop it.

Written by Christopher Burg

September 15th, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Journalist’s Guide to Firearm Identification

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Robb Allen made an updated media guide to firearm identification. It would be funny if it wasn’t also true.

Written by Christopher Burg

September 8th, 2009 at 11:26 pm

Mathematical Model for Zombie Outbreak

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Since it’s the weekend I’m not updating much, in fact this may be the only update this weekend but it could save your life. I found a paper that outlines a mathematical model for a zombie outbreak (PDF). Remember this is information that could save your life.

Written by Christopher Burg

August 16th, 2009 at 1:08 am

I Guess Al Gore’s Apocalypse will Happen

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Holy shit Al Gore’s Apocalypse will happen. Eventually Earth will no longer be able to support life due to a greenhouse effect. But don’t fret we still have at least a half billion years to work on it:

The scientists agree that we do yet know how ubiquitous or how fragile life is, but as Guinan concludes: “The Earth’s period of habitability is nearly over ― on a cosmological timescale. In a half to one billion years the Sun will start to be too luminous and warm for water to exist in liquid form on Earth, leading to a runaway greenhouse effect in less than 2 billion years“.

Somehow I doubt reducing our carbon footprint is going to help solve this problem though.

Written by Christopher Burg

August 11th, 2009 at 3:00 pm